so, i have two girls and one boy. i think i'm more concerned about my son growing up the wrong way than i am my two daughters. anyway, my son asked if he could have a certain friend from school come over to play recently. he's a really nice kid, so i didn't mind. he's white. no problem with that.
but the boy who is about 12 or 13 started doing some rap number in the car on the drive home. he was like, "yo yo yo boyeee....yo yo....blah blah ..etc etc". i started laughing and so did one of my daughters and my son. we all thought it was funny, and then i stopped laughing.
why was that so funny? if my son had done that, i wouldn't think it was funny or cute. i definitely wouldn't want to encourage my son to think that being a rapper was something for him to aspire to. NOT AT ALL. black people don't like to admit it, but the rap world really puts black people in such a bad light, in my opinion. but it's interesting to me how a white person can sing all that nonsense and no one thinks anything of it, it's actually looked up on kind of cool for a white person to emulate a rapper. but when a black kid is doing it, it's looked upon as the expected (negative)outcome.
i don't want my son to have any desire for that life. without getting on my soapbox, the few guys who i've known who have pursued that career have turned out to be nothing but broke-down losers and hustlers. NO THANKS.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
rain
so, it happened again. a white girl at work told me convincingly that i wasn't really "black". this is a fairly good friend/co-worker, so naturally i wasn't quick to be offended. that's the thing. white people who say things like this to their black friends never mean to be offensive. they just don't know any better. seriously. they usually mean it in the most naively, positive way.
before i break down the conversation we had, let me start out with some background: my hair is in need of a relaxer. i think it's been a good while since my last touch up. i have quite a bit of grow out. i literally have been so swamped with work and my kids' school activities that i've had no time to make an appointment. i'm getting it done soon, but i've felt kind of self-conscious about my hair in the last few weeks. when i have grow out, i can't really style it exactly the way i like, because it just doesn't lay down in places where i want it to lay down. but i've worked with it, putting it up in sophisticated up-dos and things like that. but it doesn't look like 100% to me.
so anyway, my co-worker asks me to walk with her down the street to get a coffee. and it's raining hard. i agree and get my umbrella. as we go out into the rain i started to open the umbrella. she then says:
her: (jokingly)oh yes girl, you better open that umbrella, you can't let your hair get wet! i know, because my best friend growing up was black and she couldn't get her hair wet....
(i hate this misconception, by the way...)
me: well uh actually....i CAN get my hair wet, and at this point i'm in need of a straightening so the rain can't do much to hurt it anyway....
her: but your hair is great! i mean, your hair isn't even like real black hair! you have awesome black hair. it's really not like black hair!
(i must admit it did make me feel less self conscious about my grow-out not looking as bad as i thought it did, but on the other hand....what does 'real black hair' look like? an afro?)
me: huh..?
her: i mean, you're like, not even really black! (what does that even mean?)
i could have corrected her and got all afro-centric on her but i just didn't feel like it. and who cares? i won't change the world. i know her, she meant no harm, she's just ignorant, the way a lot of white people are. it's true. i mean, sure there are always going to be the hateful white people who DO mean to be rude and ignorant but some white people just are truly ignorant about things like black hair, levels of blackness (like is a light skinned black person REALLY a black person????) and so on.
although now that i write this i'm thinking maybe i should have said more to break the ignorance-about-black-hair- chain.
before i break down the conversation we had, let me start out with some background: my hair is in need of a relaxer. i think it's been a good while since my last touch up. i have quite a bit of grow out. i literally have been so swamped with work and my kids' school activities that i've had no time to make an appointment. i'm getting it done soon, but i've felt kind of self-conscious about my hair in the last few weeks. when i have grow out, i can't really style it exactly the way i like, because it just doesn't lay down in places where i want it to lay down. but i've worked with it, putting it up in sophisticated up-dos and things like that. but it doesn't look like 100% to me.
so anyway, my co-worker asks me to walk with her down the street to get a coffee. and it's raining hard. i agree and get my umbrella. as we go out into the rain i started to open the umbrella. she then says:
her: (jokingly)oh yes girl, you better open that umbrella, you can't let your hair get wet! i know, because my best friend growing up was black and she couldn't get her hair wet....
(i hate this misconception, by the way...)
me: well uh actually....i CAN get my hair wet, and at this point i'm in need of a straightening so the rain can't do much to hurt it anyway....
her: but your hair is great! i mean, your hair isn't even like real black hair! you have awesome black hair. it's really not like black hair!
(i must admit it did make me feel less self conscious about my grow-out not looking as bad as i thought it did, but on the other hand....what does 'real black hair' look like? an afro?)
me: huh..?
her: i mean, you're like, not even really black! (what does that even mean?)
i could have corrected her and got all afro-centric on her but i just didn't feel like it. and who cares? i won't change the world. i know her, she meant no harm, she's just ignorant, the way a lot of white people are. it's true. i mean, sure there are always going to be the hateful white people who DO mean to be rude and ignorant but some white people just are truly ignorant about things like black hair, levels of blackness (like is a light skinned black person REALLY a black person????) and so on.
although now that i write this i'm thinking maybe i should have said more to break the ignorance-about-black-hair- chain.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
blackcurious
i think it's weird that i get so much traffic on this blog. when i started this blog 5 yrs ago, i just wanted a forum where i could think out loud and vent things that i couldn't just say to people, or was ashamed/scared/embarrassed to say.
when i began to get comments, i thought "how did people find my blog?" so, i put one of those trackers on the site. i checked every now and then, but i was never motivated by how many visitors i got. i'm still not. sure, i love hearing what you all have to say, but i still just blog what i'm thinking about.
anyway, every time i check my stats (which is like once in a blue moon), i'm always so surprised at how many people find me by googling "black girls" and "why do black people eat chicken and watermelon". i kid you not. the search about black people AND chicken and watermelon is absolutely the number one search topic that gets random strangers to my blog. followed by searching "black girls".
PEOPLE WANT TO KNOW WHY WE (SUPPOSEDLY, STEREOTYPICALLY) EAT CHICKEN AND WATERMELON!
and, people seem to very curious about black women. more than you know.
when i began to get comments, i thought "how did people find my blog?" so, i put one of those trackers on the site. i checked every now and then, but i was never motivated by how many visitors i got. i'm still not. sure, i love hearing what you all have to say, but i still just blog what i'm thinking about.
anyway, every time i check my stats (which is like once in a blue moon), i'm always so surprised at how many people find me by googling "black girls" and "why do black people eat chicken and watermelon". i kid you not. the search about black people AND chicken and watermelon is absolutely the number one search topic that gets random strangers to my blog. followed by searching "black girls".
PEOPLE WANT TO KNOW WHY WE (SUPPOSEDLY, STEREOTYPICALLY) EAT CHICKEN AND WATERMELON!
and, people seem to very curious about black women. more than you know.
Friday, September 09, 2011
product
i went with some friends tonight to see "The Help". it felt awkward (for ME) when the lights came on after the movie seeing all the white people. i wonder if it felt awkward for them? eh...probably not, since most white people never feel any shame or guilt when they're confronted with how their ancestors treated black people.
it's not that i wanted any of the white people to feel shame, but it just felt awkward, that's all i can really say.
anyhow, the main point i wanted to make was that i, though i have a love/hate relationship with Portland, am a total product of portland. whether i like it or not. there i said it. in a way, it's difficult living here. it's like no matter how much i want to be proud of being black, and make fun of the granola, tree hugging, liberal white people, i realize that i am part of it. well, not the tree hugging, granola, liberal part. but i like white and black music, i eat healthy and couldn't fix soul food if i tried. i have mostly white friends, and i say white words, like "dude" at the beginning of a sentence. i don't have to try to be this way, i just am. i'm a true product of my environment.
my mom, who was born and raised in the deep south sticks of georgia moved here with my father when my brothers and i were babies. she has REALLY differering opinions about white people and black people and all that political type stuff. she gets really worked up about racial issues, and is slightly more sensitive to the light skin/dark skin issue among black people and other issues about white and black people.
don't get me wrong, i do know how some white people can be.
since my mom is not from here, i don't know if she really gets it-probably the way she thinks i don't "get it" either. when we have conversations about race, i'm a little more open minded than she is, and she takes that to be naive. it's not naive, it's just that i'm not from the deep south like she is. i didn't grow up in the deep south in the 50s like she did. so on some level i cannot relate to the issues in movies like The Help. my mom saw the movie before i did, so tonight i called her on the phone to talk about it because she wanted to wait until i had seen it open the floodgates of why she didn't like the negative stereotypes and blah blah blah.
i know she gets irritated when she talks to me, because i can't truly relate. i'm not dark skinned, i didn't grow up during the sixties when blacks were openly and legally treated like animals, i didn't grow up with blue-collar uneducated parents, i didn't grow up with parents who cooked soul food, and i didn't grow up in the sticks of the south. so when she talks to me about certain racial issues that she's seen over time (such as ones brought up in the movie The Help), i can't relate. i can relate in the same way that any other generation X-er.....'oh... how terrible, how sucky....ugh....white people....." . but other than that, it's not that emotional for me, because i haven't been through it.
and, i guess i don't see white people exactly the same as someone who has been through it. you can't get apples from an orange tree. you can't raise a black kid in white portland, and then expect them to "get" the whole black experience. not entirely. and what little black history in schools that we get, what does she expect? she's the one who brought me to the black-forsaken, city in the first place.
she's right about the stereotypes in the movie, but purely from the standpoint of hollywood entertainment, i thought it was a good story. period. without getting into the politics of it all. plus i don't see everything her way, and she gets annoyed when i don't get where she's coming from and vice versa.
it's not that i wanted any of the white people to feel shame, but it just felt awkward, that's all i can really say.
anyhow, the main point i wanted to make was that i, though i have a love/hate relationship with Portland, am a total product of portland. whether i like it or not. there i said it. in a way, it's difficult living here. it's like no matter how much i want to be proud of being black, and make fun of the granola, tree hugging, liberal white people, i realize that i am part of it. well, not the tree hugging, granola, liberal part. but i like white and black music, i eat healthy and couldn't fix soul food if i tried. i have mostly white friends, and i say white words, like "dude" at the beginning of a sentence. i don't have to try to be this way, i just am. i'm a true product of my environment.
my mom, who was born and raised in the deep south sticks of georgia moved here with my father when my brothers and i were babies. she has REALLY differering opinions about white people and black people and all that political type stuff. she gets really worked up about racial issues, and is slightly more sensitive to the light skin/dark skin issue among black people and other issues about white and black people.
don't get me wrong, i do know how some white people can be.
since my mom is not from here, i don't know if she really gets it-probably the way she thinks i don't "get it" either. when we have conversations about race, i'm a little more open minded than she is, and she takes that to be naive. it's not naive, it's just that i'm not from the deep south like she is. i didn't grow up in the deep south in the 50s like she did. so on some level i cannot relate to the issues in movies like The Help. my mom saw the movie before i did, so tonight i called her on the phone to talk about it because she wanted to wait until i had seen it open the floodgates of why she didn't like the negative stereotypes and blah blah blah.
i know she gets irritated when she talks to me, because i can't truly relate. i'm not dark skinned, i didn't grow up during the sixties when blacks were openly and legally treated like animals, i didn't grow up with blue-collar uneducated parents, i didn't grow up with parents who cooked soul food, and i didn't grow up in the sticks of the south. so when she talks to me about certain racial issues that she's seen over time (such as ones brought up in the movie The Help), i can't relate. i can relate in the same way that any other generation X-er.....'oh... how terrible, how sucky....ugh....white people....." . but other than that, it's not that emotional for me, because i haven't been through it.
and, i guess i don't see white people exactly the same as someone who has been through it. you can't get apples from an orange tree. you can't raise a black kid in white portland, and then expect them to "get" the whole black experience. not entirely. and what little black history in schools that we get, what does she expect? she's the one who brought me to the black-forsaken, city in the first place.
she's right about the stereotypes in the movie, but purely from the standpoint of hollywood entertainment, i thought it was a good story. period. without getting into the politics of it all. plus i don't see everything her way, and she gets annoyed when i don't get where she's coming from and vice versa.
Saturday, July 09, 2011
fitting room clerk
Dear fitting room clerk at Marshalls:
i know you thought i was being rude today. and maybe i was. but when you had to check and recheck and then check again that i had the same number of items coming out as going in, that was annoying. i felt like 1)you secretly thought i stole something and 2)you did it only because i am black.
i didn't like that. i showed you that i had the five items to match the "number 5" tag that you gave me going in, and you insisted on examining the items inside and out, wasting my time. it wasn't necessary.
so when i abruptly snatched the items i chose to buy from your grip, i may have been rude. but you were ruder.
sincerely,
TBG
i know you thought i was being rude today. and maybe i was. but when you had to check and recheck and then check again that i had the same number of items coming out as going in, that was annoying. i felt like 1)you secretly thought i stole something and 2)you did it only because i am black.
i didn't like that. i showed you that i had the five items to match the "number 5" tag that you gave me going in, and you insisted on examining the items inside and out, wasting my time. it wasn't necessary.
so when i abruptly snatched the items i chose to buy from your grip, i may have been rude. but you were ruder.
sincerely,
TBG
Monday, July 04, 2011
"it's"
did anyone see beyonce's interview about a week ago with pierce morgan? or does anyone ever listen to (idiot) sherri shepherd on the view(because she talks the same way)? why can't these black women speak proper english? did they just give up and say 'who cares?' after they made a million bucks?
beyonce was talking to pierce morgan about some award she had won recently...yadda yadda. i wasn't paying too close attention because i can't stand her anyway. but, i happened to be on vacation and unable to sleep and this interview was the only interesting thing on tv.
I HATE WHEN PEOPLE SAY "ITS" IN PLACE OF "THERE WAS" OR "THERE IS".
for example, beyonce said something like "i was nervous because IT was so many people!!!" and on and on. and she kept saying "it's so many this, it's so many that...."
sherri shepherd does the exact same thing.
i'll admit, i make grammatical errors from time to time, but i do know the basics. and you can bet that if i were on a national talk show, and even had millions of dollars, i would speak correct english.
ughhhhh.
beyonce was talking to pierce morgan about some award she had won recently...yadda yadda. i wasn't paying too close attention because i can't stand her anyway. but, i happened to be on vacation and unable to sleep and this interview was the only interesting thing on tv.
I HATE WHEN PEOPLE SAY "ITS" IN PLACE OF "THERE WAS" OR "THERE IS".
for example, beyonce said something like "i was nervous because IT was so many people!!!" and on and on. and she kept saying "it's so many this, it's so many that...."
sherri shepherd does the exact same thing.
i'll admit, i make grammatical errors from time to time, but i do know the basics. and you can bet that if i were on a national talk show, and even had millions of dollars, i would speak correct english.
ughhhhh.
Friday, June 10, 2011
categories
i think that most white people are scared/intimidated by black people. if they're not the type of white person who has spent any time around black folks or has black friends, i have found that these white people are either scared of, or treat black people like they're invisible.
i started to thinking about this when i was thinking about my neighbor. i don't try to be the center of attention, but i have known white women who BARELY gave me the time of day when they've never even had the chance to know me( to dislike me). but yet, they'll mingle with another unknown white person( let's assume we're all at a party and no one knows each other) and will be super chummy. i believe that most white people think that interacting with a black person is a low priority-we're not potential friends, we're just sort of invisible to them. and if we happen to be too bold to be invisible, they're scared and intimidated.
this theory of mine is nothing new, although i'm not sure if i've ever put it into words in this blog. but what i started to realize, as i was driving down the street today, after being snubbed by my neighbor was this:
whenever i interact with a white person for the first time, i instantly categorize them afterwards this way (based on their behavior when we interacted):
1)they are a white person who has never been around black people, who has never had any real/meaningful interaction with black people, and is basically afraid or intimidated (warranted or not). this person views the black person as a sort of "foreigner" in their world and doesn't believe they can relate to them on any level. this person prefers to only deal with them on a need-to basis, and never "sees" the black people around them in daily life. thinks of all black people as the stereotype, and doesn't know that it's a stereotype.
2)a white person who is familiar with black people, may have gone to school with black people, might even have one or two as friends. they're not scared of black people, they're friendly only because it's not their nature to be rude, but that's the extent of it. they don't necessary dislike black people, but they don't want or care to have more than the token black friend. most black people seem "exotic" to them.
3)a white person who was probably raised in an area around black people( or spent any lenth of time ) in a diverse area (workplace or neighborhood) with black people. has several black friends. is not scared or intimidated by black people unless there's a valid reason to be, and open to talking and hanging out with black people.
i realized today that i instantly categorize white people this way after meeting them. i didn't even consciously know i was doing it, until i analyzed my thoughts in sort of a daze while driving today. i was thinking about my white neighbor and how she snubs me for no good reason. and i listened to the voice in my head automatically put her into category 1, and decided that that was why she treats me that way.
i started to thinking about this when i was thinking about my neighbor. i don't try to be the center of attention, but i have known white women who BARELY gave me the time of day when they've never even had the chance to know me( to dislike me). but yet, they'll mingle with another unknown white person( let's assume we're all at a party and no one knows each other) and will be super chummy. i believe that most white people think that interacting with a black person is a low priority-we're not potential friends, we're just sort of invisible to them. and if we happen to be too bold to be invisible, they're scared and intimidated.
this theory of mine is nothing new, although i'm not sure if i've ever put it into words in this blog. but what i started to realize, as i was driving down the street today, after being snubbed by my neighbor was this:
whenever i interact with a white person for the first time, i instantly categorize them afterwards this way (based on their behavior when we interacted):
1)they are a white person who has never been around black people, who has never had any real/meaningful interaction with black people, and is basically afraid or intimidated (warranted or not). this person views the black person as a sort of "foreigner" in their world and doesn't believe they can relate to them on any level. this person prefers to only deal with them on a need-to basis, and never "sees" the black people around them in daily life. thinks of all black people as the stereotype, and doesn't know that it's a stereotype.
2)a white person who is familiar with black people, may have gone to school with black people, might even have one or two as friends. they're not scared of black people, they're friendly only because it's not their nature to be rude, but that's the extent of it. they don't necessary dislike black people, but they don't want or care to have more than the token black friend. most black people seem "exotic" to them.
3)a white person who was probably raised in an area around black people( or spent any lenth of time ) in a diverse area (workplace or neighborhood) with black people. has several black friends. is not scared or intimidated by black people unless there's a valid reason to be, and open to talking and hanging out with black people.
i realized today that i instantly categorize white people this way after meeting them. i didn't even consciously know i was doing it, until i analyzed my thoughts in sort of a daze while driving today. i was thinking about my white neighbor and how she snubs me for no good reason. and i listened to the voice in my head automatically put her into category 1, and decided that that was why she treats me that way.
Monday, May 30, 2011
how you doin'?
i was in whole foods today. usually the only types of people i see there are the rich/granola/got-tons-of-money-to-burn-on-granola type people. well, except for me, the i-don't-have-a-ton-of-money-but-there-are-just-some-good-things-you-can't-get-anywhere-else-so-i-will-go-buy-that-and-then-leave type shopper. anyway, today, there was this black guy, mid-twenties or so, looking ghetto fabulous with his do-rag and saggy jeans and all, and with a white girl to boot. she was busy picking out stuff, and he seemed like a boytoy tag-a-long.
i'm almost certain she was his girlfriend. yet when i walked by, he says, "hi. how you doin'?" while he stood there waiting for my response. how am i doing? why do you want to know? how is your girlfriend doing? i mean, how disrespectful to his girlfriend is that? and maybe she wasn't his girlfriend. maybe she was just his friend who happened to be a girl. or parole officer. but still. it was just awkward. i mean, i don't ask ANY strangers 'how they're doing'. even if they are black.
and what is the point of asking me how i'm doing? if he wanted to be friendly because we're both black, well then fine. just give me a nod and a smile. but when you ask me how i'm doing, do you really expect me to say something like, "i'm good. and how are you?" and then proceed to converse?
i'm a "stanger" snob. if i don't know you, i don't really want to talk to you. unless of course it appears that we have something in common- kids, lifestyle, etc. or if the weather's nice and i just feel like being overly friendly. otherwise, even though i consider myself to be a nice person, i don't really want to talk to people i don't know.
i'm almost certain she was his girlfriend. yet when i walked by, he says, "hi. how you doin'?" while he stood there waiting for my response. how am i doing? why do you want to know? how is your girlfriend doing? i mean, how disrespectful to his girlfriend is that? and maybe she wasn't his girlfriend. maybe she was just his friend who happened to be a girl. or parole officer. but still. it was just awkward. i mean, i don't ask ANY strangers 'how they're doing'. even if they are black.
and what is the point of asking me how i'm doing? if he wanted to be friendly because we're both black, well then fine. just give me a nod and a smile. but when you ask me how i'm doing, do you really expect me to say something like, "i'm good. and how are you?" and then proceed to converse?
i'm a "stanger" snob. if i don't know you, i don't really want to talk to you. unless of course it appears that we have something in common- kids, lifestyle, etc. or if the weather's nice and i just feel like being overly friendly. otherwise, even though i consider myself to be a nice person, i don't really want to talk to people i don't know.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
streetview
so, i was on my way through the 'hood to my tutoring job at portland community college. driving down killingsworth, at about 16th avenue when traffic stopped for some reason and i found myself sitting in front of some "entrepreneurs". there was a little setup on the sidewalk next to a building with about 4 black guys selling pre-made easter gift baskets. from my view, they didn't look that great.
so these guys-sorry to say, looked trifling. one of them was standing in the vicinity with what i call "gangsta gear"- ultra sagging pants, and an oversized plaid, short sleeved button up shirt. AND he's smoking a teeny tiny cigarette. i don't know if it was a cigarette or a joint. but he looked foul. and his friends sitting closer to the display looked pitiful. i mean, they looked tired and worn out-as if they had been out there ALL day and to top it off, they looked dirty, raggedy and desperate.
and then had the nerve to have some handwritten sign that read "fundraising". fundraising for what? WEED? who did they think was going to get out and buy their stuff? i looked at the products and suddenly i just had this vision in my head of some hoodrats in a dirty apartment piecing it all together, trying to make it look nice, hoping someone would buy it.
i'm all for people trying to make a creative living. but these guys just looked so....so...trashy. no one wants to buy crap from people who look like trash. clean yourself up, put on some decent clothing. how about nice pants that fit with a decent shirt to start? how about tossing that nasty ciggaweed?
some black men really need to try harder. stop aiming for the minimum.
and don't even get me started on the "hand car wash" not far away. where a group of black men sit around all day waiting to hand-wash your car. really? how can they pay the rent with five dollars a car wash? everytime i drive by, there they are, sitting around shooting the shit with each other. the only cars i ever see are the owner's and employees of the business. pimped out cadillacs, mercedes, and other cars with $10k rims and tires polished to a tee. that is SO 1992.
get a real job! cut off your braids! find clothing that fits! speak proper english!
so these guys-sorry to say, looked trifling. one of them was standing in the vicinity with what i call "gangsta gear"- ultra sagging pants, and an oversized plaid, short sleeved button up shirt. AND he's smoking a teeny tiny cigarette. i don't know if it was a cigarette or a joint. but he looked foul. and his friends sitting closer to the display looked pitiful. i mean, they looked tired and worn out-as if they had been out there ALL day and to top it off, they looked dirty, raggedy and desperate.
and then had the nerve to have some handwritten sign that read "fundraising". fundraising for what? WEED? who did they think was going to get out and buy their stuff? i looked at the products and suddenly i just had this vision in my head of some hoodrats in a dirty apartment piecing it all together, trying to make it look nice, hoping someone would buy it.
i'm all for people trying to make a creative living. but these guys just looked so....so...trashy. no one wants to buy crap from people who look like trash. clean yourself up, put on some decent clothing. how about nice pants that fit with a decent shirt to start? how about tossing that nasty ciggaweed?
some black men really need to try harder. stop aiming for the minimum.
and don't even get me started on the "hand car wash" not far away. where a group of black men sit around all day waiting to hand-wash your car. really? how can they pay the rent with five dollars a car wash? everytime i drive by, there they are, sitting around shooting the shit with each other. the only cars i ever see are the owner's and employees of the business. pimped out cadillacs, mercedes, and other cars with $10k rims and tires polished to a tee. that is SO 1992.
get a real job! cut off your braids! find clothing that fits! speak proper english!
Friday, February 18, 2011
cringe
This Ebony issue makes me cringe:
don't get me wrong. i don't have any beef with the obamas. what i have a beef with is the the cover of ebony that says, "celebrate black love".
what exactly does that mean? just what exactly is 'black love'? is it different than white love? if my husband is white, or asian, or hispanic, can i NOT celebrate that love? i don't get it. and ebony needs to get with the times.
i have always acknowledged the social and cultural differences between white and black people. but i know for a fact, that if cosmo, or redbook or any other magazine said, "celebrate white love" that there would be some really unhappy black people making a huge stink about it. so why should ebony magazine be any different?
we are no longer living in a world where blacks are only with blacks(DUH, REALLY??!!), so why would ebony magazine suggest that celebrating black love is something that only black-on-black couples can participate in?
and is their love better than love between a white man and black woman? a black woman and an asian man, etc., etc.,...?
i don't understand why ebony can't just make the article about celebrating LOVE. regardless of what color it is.
ridiculous.
don't get me wrong. i don't have any beef with the obamas. what i have a beef with is the the cover of ebony that says, "celebrate black love".
what exactly does that mean? just what exactly is 'black love'? is it different than white love? if my husband is white, or asian, or hispanic, can i NOT celebrate that love? i don't get it. and ebony needs to get with the times.
i have always acknowledged the social and cultural differences between white and black people. but i know for a fact, that if cosmo, or redbook or any other magazine said, "celebrate white love" that there would be some really unhappy black people making a huge stink about it. so why should ebony magazine be any different?
we are no longer living in a world where blacks are only with blacks(DUH, REALLY??!!), so why would ebony magazine suggest that celebrating black love is something that only black-on-black couples can participate in?
and is their love better than love between a white man and black woman? a black woman and an asian man, etc., etc.,...?
i don't understand why ebony can't just make the article about celebrating LOVE. regardless of what color it is.
ridiculous.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
still
i got this little job a the local community college, PCC. specifically the one over in the 'hood, at cascade campus. i've been there for a solid week and a half now, working with different students. it's fun.
but one of the days last week as i was walking to my car through the crowded lot, i heard footsteps behind me. it was some really big black guy. i'll admit, i got kind of scared. and before you rush to judgement and call me whatever it is you want to call me, let me say this:
i don't go to the hood much. i see black people all the time, but not in such concentration as when you go over to the partially-gentrified 'hood. and i'm sorry- but just because i'm black doesn't mean i automatically feel some kinship to every black man i see.
if you look scary, you look scary. regardless of what race you are. it just so happened that this black guy walking closely behind me looked a little bit intimidating. and then it dawned on me that every. single. black. man/boy at that campus that i've seen looks either thuggish/scary/intimidating or basically kinda trashy and ghetto.
when i say ghetto, i mean wearing either the stereotypical p-diddy-style warm-up suits , with both ears pierced and gaudy gold and faddish shoes or sagging jeans with the latest hip-hop style (rapper) faddish clothing. every last one of them. it's disgusting. and if they're not wearing one of those two options, they're really tore-down looking. i mean, it just is SO OLD and SO PLAYED OUT.
still? they still aspire to look like the stereotype?
i don't spend a lot of time in the hood but today i thought, "really? black men STILL look like this? i mean, come on. didn't obama (at least) getting into office inspire you to pull your pants up? look professional? stop dressing like the stereotype? a little bit?
i guess we should just be glad they're in school.
but one of the days last week as i was walking to my car through the crowded lot, i heard footsteps behind me. it was some really big black guy. i'll admit, i got kind of scared. and before you rush to judgement and call me whatever it is you want to call me, let me say this:
i don't go to the hood much. i see black people all the time, but not in such concentration as when you go over to the partially-gentrified 'hood. and i'm sorry- but just because i'm black doesn't mean i automatically feel some kinship to every black man i see.
if you look scary, you look scary. regardless of what race you are. it just so happened that this black guy walking closely behind me looked a little bit intimidating. and then it dawned on me that every. single. black. man/boy at that campus that i've seen looks either thuggish/scary/intimidating or basically kinda trashy and ghetto.
when i say ghetto, i mean wearing either the stereotypical p-diddy-style warm-up suits , with both ears pierced and gaudy gold and faddish shoes or sagging jeans with the latest hip-hop style (rapper) faddish clothing. every last one of them. it's disgusting. and if they're not wearing one of those two options, they're really tore-down looking. i mean, it just is SO OLD and SO PLAYED OUT.
still? they still aspire to look like the stereotype?
i don't spend a lot of time in the hood but today i thought, "really? black men STILL look like this? i mean, come on. didn't obama (at least) getting into office inspire you to pull your pants up? look professional? stop dressing like the stereotype? a little bit?
i guess we should just be glad they're in school.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Dialect
How ironic that I'm discussing this after my last post. But whatever. So I took my kids swimming at a local aquatic park. When we got there, it just so happened that there weren't anymore seats left for parents to watch. My initial (absolutely first) thought that popped into my head to ask the staff were these words: "ya'll ain't got no more chairs up in here?" ( I think it was just my mood) And I had to laugh because my "filter" would never allow it to come out that way.
And then it dawned on me how easily I could turn that dialect on instantly without thinking. It's almost like lazy-talk. Like the way non-native english speakers or those with a southern dialect,etc. have a stronger accent when they are tired. It doesn't sound forced, or fake. But if you've ever heard a white person try to do it, it always sounds very fake and contrived.
Actually I always knew I could bust out in this dialect, but what dawned on me was that it came so natural like, without even trying. Yet at the same time i don't have to* try* to speak proper,sounding" white", as some would say.
So I'm wondering if all black people have this so called "ability". Do you?
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Words
can i just start by saying: "hisself" is NOT a word black people?! i hear so-called educated black people use this all the time and i just cringe...it's HIMself!!!!
*sigh*. now that i finally got that off of my chest, i must blog about the experience today that reminded me to do that public service announcement. i was out shopping and this young-ish black woman-probably mid-thirties was at the department store complaining about a service. i didn't hear the entire story, but what i did hear was that she wasn't as articulate that she needed to be in order to get what the results that she wanted.
black people! don't you realize that when you don't speak properly, or try to mix your ebonics into modern english thinking that the person you're complaining to will care just because you're upset, you're wrong? people immediately write you off mentally and are no longer truly listening to what you're complaining about. it's the difference between "i'm sorry, there's nothing we can do" and "let me get my manager/sure, what i CAN do is..."
i worked in customer service not long ago and black people would call me on the phone complaining about this or that and, i gotta admit that if they were older in age i'd give them the benefit of the doubt and help them. but what i couldn't stand was people from my generation who could not articulate in a professional manner what they wanted. i was like, REALLY? in 2010 a young black person still speaks like they haven't been allowed a proper education?
it's hard for me to have patience for those people. we all have the opportunity to learn proper english and be articulate. and that's the only way we'll truly get what we want.
*sigh*. now that i finally got that off of my chest, i must blog about the experience today that reminded me to do that public service announcement. i was out shopping and this young-ish black woman-probably mid-thirties was at the department store complaining about a service. i didn't hear the entire story, but what i did hear was that she wasn't as articulate that she needed to be in order to get what the results that she wanted.
black people! don't you realize that when you don't speak properly, or try to mix your ebonics into modern english thinking that the person you're complaining to will care just because you're upset, you're wrong? people immediately write you off mentally and are no longer truly listening to what you're complaining about. it's the difference between "i'm sorry, there's nothing we can do" and "let me get my manager/sure, what i CAN do is..."
i worked in customer service not long ago and black people would call me on the phone complaining about this or that and, i gotta admit that if they were older in age i'd give them the benefit of the doubt and help them. but what i couldn't stand was people from my generation who could not articulate in a professional manner what they wanted. i was like, REALLY? in 2010 a young black person still speaks like they haven't been allowed a proper education?
it's hard for me to have patience for those people. we all have the opportunity to learn proper english and be articulate. and that's the only way we'll truly get what we want.
Friday, November 12, 2010
insult
so, i was out with some white friends last night. we decided to go to happyhour over in the alberta district. i don't mind hanging with the white friends, i mean, i'm so used to it, you know. but i have to say that something that was said got under my skin.
one of the girls started talking about a snoop dog song, i don't remember exactly what she was saying about it, but we were all laughing and drinking and talking. so anyway, i thought the story she was telling was pretty funny, so i started singing the song: '....sippin' on gin and juice...laid back....'. everyone was laughing until one of the girls says, "could you make it sound any whiter?!" and then began laughing hysterically with the others.
so according to her, because i'm black, and singing a rap song, i should sound black when i sing it. i'm not gonna go into the whole sounding white vs. sounding black argument, i've already done that. it was just that....they were laughing at the way i sung it because i'm black. if i were white, no one would have cared that i sang it without...bass in my voice ( i guess that's what you'd call it, per martin lawrence in Bad Boys), or whatever it is that makes black people sound "black".
what is that, anyway?
so no matter how much they consider me their "girlfriend", no matter how much i have inadvertently assimilated into the white culture, they still expect me to be able to just "whip out" the stereotype when they happen to be talking about a rap song. should it matter that i happen to not even like most rap?
however, on the flip side, i 've been with white people before where i did happen to "whip out" the slang talk only because it was apropos, and you would not believe the stares and dropped jaws i get as if to say, "wait a minute... you're black??"
one of the girls started talking about a snoop dog song, i don't remember exactly what she was saying about it, but we were all laughing and drinking and talking. so anyway, i thought the story she was telling was pretty funny, so i started singing the song: '....sippin' on gin and juice...laid back....'. everyone was laughing until one of the girls says, "could you make it sound any whiter?!" and then began laughing hysterically with the others.
so according to her, because i'm black, and singing a rap song, i should sound black when i sing it. i'm not gonna go into the whole sounding white vs. sounding black argument, i've already done that. it was just that....they were laughing at the way i sung it because i'm black. if i were white, no one would have cared that i sang it without...bass in my voice ( i guess that's what you'd call it, per martin lawrence in Bad Boys), or whatever it is that makes black people sound "black".
what is that, anyway?
so no matter how much they consider me their "girlfriend", no matter how much i have inadvertently assimilated into the white culture, they still expect me to be able to just "whip out" the stereotype when they happen to be talking about a rap song. should it matter that i happen to not even like most rap?
however, on the flip side, i 've been with white people before where i did happen to "whip out" the slang talk only because it was apropos, and you would not believe the stares and dropped jaws i get as if to say, "wait a minute... you're black??"
Monday, October 25, 2010
hang out
where do the black people in portland hang out? i've posted before about a similar subject, but really. all the cool places i go, it's just white people. white people, white people, white people. but there ARE BLACK PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN PORTLAND.
and, to be fair, i do see black people here and there. i really do. but i'm talking about the events in NE portland, you know, in the part of town where most black people used to live? i do realize that it's been gentrified. okay, but ...there are still many black people over in the hood. and even if they don't live in the hood anymore....there's nothing going on in the lame 'burbs, so why not hang out over in the "hood"? why not expand your mind a little bit? engage in some culture (shudder///did i just say culture and portland in the same sentence?)
i go to the alberta district for dinner with friends. no black people.
i go to various neighborhood street fairs with kid friendly activities. no black people. okay, there might be 2.
i go to concerts in the park. no black people.
i take my kids to oaks park (carnival, etc). no black people.
i go to a free friday at the portland art museum with my kids. not a one black person. and it's freaking free!
i go to the greek festival with greek food, fun and games. no black people.
i mean, the question is not where are they. i know where they're at. whether still in the hood, or not in the hood, or way far away from the hood, they're at home. or.... the mall? being a dumb consumer?
but the question is not where they are, but WHY don't they come out for fun events in the city? why not make the trek-or not (if they live close-by)? what else could they possibly be doing?
and by the way when i say 'there's no black people', i'm exaggerating a little. i mean as a group. sure, OCCASIONALLY there's a couple sprinkled in. but that doesn't count. it just doesn't.
and black people in portland should represent more than that.
and, to be fair, i do see black people here and there. i really do. but i'm talking about the events in NE portland, you know, in the part of town where most black people used to live? i do realize that it's been gentrified. okay, but ...there are still many black people over in the hood. and even if they don't live in the hood anymore....there's nothing going on in the lame 'burbs, so why not hang out over in the "hood"? why not expand your mind a little bit? engage in some culture (shudder///did i just say culture and portland in the same sentence?)
i go to the alberta district for dinner with friends. no black people.
i go to various neighborhood street fairs with kid friendly activities. no black people. okay, there might be 2.
i go to concerts in the park. no black people.
i take my kids to oaks park (carnival, etc). no black people.
i go to a free friday at the portland art museum with my kids. not a one black person. and it's freaking free!
i go to the greek festival with greek food, fun and games. no black people.
i mean, the question is not where are they. i know where they're at. whether still in the hood, or not in the hood, or way far away from the hood, they're at home. or.... the mall? being a dumb consumer?
but the question is not where they are, but WHY don't they come out for fun events in the city? why not make the trek-or not (if they live close-by)? what else could they possibly be doing?
and by the way when i say 'there's no black people', i'm exaggerating a little. i mean as a group. sure, OCCASIONALLY there's a couple sprinkled in. but that doesn't count. it just doesn't.
and black people in portland should represent more than that.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Paisanos
so i'm at the store. a really upscale store in Portland. one of the checkers, who is also black gave me a REALLY hard time when i checked out. i'm talking attitude and all. to make a long story short, he didn't believe that the correct price tag was on my order from the deli.
i said, "no seriously. it's right. i always buy this, and they always mark it this way'. his reply was (abruptly), "and i work here every day". i was pissed. i would have been super pissed had he been white. but yeah, i think maybe i was even more pissed because he was black. i mean come on, dude. i'm black, you're black, what's the big deal. and it wasn't even the black/black thing that got to me(the black/black thing just added insult to injury). it was mostly that it was such a SMALL deal, and people were starting to line up behind me. not to mention that the customer is always right. who freaking cares? i must admit, i would EXPECT that from someone white. i just would. but not so much from someone black.
when he saw the other customers line up behind me, he sighed and said 'fine', that he would honor the price i had told him. i mean, he acted like it was his paycheck on the line or something.
but me, being the sometimes vindictive and passive aggressive person i can be, decided that i was going back over to the deli and straighten it out. it turned out that I WAS RIGHT. he saw me speaking to the deli person and then as i walked past his register i grinned and said, "i was right".
i swore that the day i was calling the store manager and complaining.
my friend said to me that maybe he was having a bad day and not to call, sort of insinuating that well, you know...he's black, i'm black...just leave him be. not so! he didn't seem to care about us being paisanos, why should i?
what would you have done?
i said, "no seriously. it's right. i always buy this, and they always mark it this way'. his reply was (abruptly), "and i work here every day". i was pissed. i would have been super pissed had he been white. but yeah, i think maybe i was even more pissed because he was black. i mean come on, dude. i'm black, you're black, what's the big deal. and it wasn't even the black/black thing that got to me(the black/black thing just added insult to injury). it was mostly that it was such a SMALL deal, and people were starting to line up behind me. not to mention that the customer is always right. who freaking cares? i must admit, i would EXPECT that from someone white. i just would. but not so much from someone black.
when he saw the other customers line up behind me, he sighed and said 'fine', that he would honor the price i had told him. i mean, he acted like it was his paycheck on the line or something.
but me, being the sometimes vindictive and passive aggressive person i can be, decided that i was going back over to the deli and straighten it out. it turned out that I WAS RIGHT. he saw me speaking to the deli person and then as i walked past his register i grinned and said, "i was right".
i swore that the day i was calling the store manager and complaining.
my friend said to me that maybe he was having a bad day and not to call, sort of insinuating that well, you know...he's black, i'm black...just leave him be. not so! he didn't seem to care about us being paisanos, why should i?
what would you have done?
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
defense
[if you are black], have you ever noticed that whenever you tell to a white person about some racial injustice that you've experienced by someone white, the person you're talking to "acts" all upset and starts preaching and going on about how that was just SO WRONG? i'm talking over and beyond a simple comment. it's like they're somehow worried that you'll lump them in with the racists and they want you to know that without a doubt, they're NOT racists.
my husband's family is extremely racist. and whenever the situation comes up in conversation with friends, i never act sad or upset about it- i intentionally don't want anyone to think i'm trying to have a pity party. 'cause i'm most definitely not. but i will bring it up, if the conversation warrants it.i'm not afraid to talk about it. and 9 times out of 10, i'm talking to someone white, and i'm telling them some retarded act that my husbands family has done because of hating black people (me), and my white friends/acquaintances almost choke on their food trying to make sure that i know they are nothing like that. it is actually pretty funny.
it's funny because a white person will never, ever say: 'well, i can see why they didn't want their son to marry a black girl'. but i'd venture to guess that probably 5 out of 10 white people feel the same way as my husbands parents. but of course they'll never say it. so in my mind, the harder they choke trying to convince me how un-racist they are....well, it might just indicate how racist they know their family really is.
and when i tell black people about my husbands parents, they're like: "whaaaat? seriously? whatever. they're idiots".
end of conversation.
my husband's family is extremely racist. and whenever the situation comes up in conversation with friends, i never act sad or upset about it- i intentionally don't want anyone to think i'm trying to have a pity party. 'cause i'm most definitely not. but i will bring it up, if the conversation warrants it.i'm not afraid to talk about it. and 9 times out of 10, i'm talking to someone white, and i'm telling them some retarded act that my husbands family has done because of hating black people (me), and my white friends/acquaintances almost choke on their food trying to make sure that i know they are nothing like that. it is actually pretty funny.
it's funny because a white person will never, ever say: 'well, i can see why they didn't want their son to marry a black girl'. but i'd venture to guess that probably 5 out of 10 white people feel the same way as my husbands parents. but of course they'll never say it. so in my mind, the harder they choke trying to convince me how un-racist they are....well, it might just indicate how racist they know their family really is.
and when i tell black people about my husbands parents, they're like: "whaaaat? seriously? whatever. they're idiots".
end of conversation.
Sunday, June 06, 2010
touch-up
after leaving the farmers market today, i went to one of my favorite grocery stores. i saw a black woman there with an obvious hair piece. she had her hair all done, her "stylish" outfit on, her name brand handbag. the first thing that went through my head was "hair weave". i mean, not that she didn't look nice, but a black woman can usually spot a hair weave or hair piece a mile away.
but what's the point of wearing a hair weave if it's obvious? every other black woman knows it's a weave. white people rarely know, so maybe that's the idea? i'm not sure. i've never had a weave, and as i waited in line with my own hair pulled back, in need of a touch-up i wondered which was worse: having a hair weave that almost everyone knows is not real or wearing my real hair out when it's obvious that i have new growth and need a touch-up?
but what's the point of wearing a hair weave if it's obvious? every other black woman knows it's a weave. white people rarely know, so maybe that's the idea? i'm not sure. i've never had a weave, and as i waited in line with my own hair pulled back, in need of a touch-up i wondered which was worse: having a hair weave that almost everyone knows is not real or wearing my real hair out when it's obvious that i have new growth and need a touch-up?
granola
lately, i've been feeling like i'm really getting annoyed with the tree-hugging, crunchy granola, save the earth community around me. not that saving the earth is a bad thing-it's a great thing. but most of the time, the people around me (earthy white people) go really overboard with it. i mean, REALLY overboard.
i mean, most of the (white) liberals around me pride themselves on being non-judgmental and spiritual-but-too smart-for religion, etc., but don't let them find out that you didn't recycle your plastics, or that you bought products at a big box store instead of a local spot, or that you don't regularly bring your own reusable shopping bag with you to Whole Foods or New Seasons or People's Co-op( is there anywhere else to shop???). Uh oh, you're the devil, and you're contributing to the earth's demise.
and i don't know if it's just me? i know people love their pets. but why does it seem like oregonians are the only ones who treat their dogs like human beings that must be taken into the stores and restaurants? and don't let them find out you purchased your puppy from a store or a breeder instead of a shelter adoptee. ohhhh no...you're going to hell! wait....they don't believe in hell, or heaven, or god. i guess they'll just consider you a dispicable human being.
i am just finally realizing that it's time for us to consider moving. this liberal, granola mentality is just SO. NOT. ME. and it seems increasingly hard to find people like myself. sure, i'm into saving the earth, or abused dogs. but let's keep it in it's place, people.
i cringe when i see bumperstickers that say "keep portland weird". i cringe because for the most part, portland is not weird. yuppie, granola, yes. but weird? where? there's a small section of people that are weirdos. i'd rather not be lumped into that entire group just by living here.
when i go out, people here don't dress up. i went out to a late night spot in the Alberta district recently. i'd say 90 percent of the people had jeans, clogs, no make-up on, some type of fleece jacket type gear. i actually felt out of place for looking nice.
this place is just not me anymore. i went to the farmers market today, and of course the people were all one-dimensional(all white). as the morning went on i counted 4 more black people. i kept trying to make eye contact with them to make myself feel "okay". and before you say that i have insecurity issues, let me just say that i'm around white people CONSTANTLY. occasionally it would be nice to see more people of color in one place besides a nightclub!
i mean, most of the (white) liberals around me pride themselves on being non-judgmental and spiritual-but-too smart-for religion, etc., but don't let them find out that you didn't recycle your plastics, or that you bought products at a big box store instead of a local spot, or that you don't regularly bring your own reusable shopping bag with you to Whole Foods or New Seasons or People's Co-op( is there anywhere else to shop???). Uh oh, you're the devil, and you're contributing to the earth's demise.
and i don't know if it's just me? i know people love their pets. but why does it seem like oregonians are the only ones who treat their dogs like human beings that must be taken into the stores and restaurants? and don't let them find out you purchased your puppy from a store or a breeder instead of a shelter adoptee. ohhhh no...you're going to hell! wait....they don't believe in hell, or heaven, or god. i guess they'll just consider you a dispicable human being.
i am just finally realizing that it's time for us to consider moving. this liberal, granola mentality is just SO. NOT. ME. and it seems increasingly hard to find people like myself. sure, i'm into saving the earth, or abused dogs. but let's keep it in it's place, people.
i cringe when i see bumperstickers that say "keep portland weird". i cringe because for the most part, portland is not weird. yuppie, granola, yes. but weird? where? there's a small section of people that are weirdos. i'd rather not be lumped into that entire group just by living here.
when i go out, people here don't dress up. i went out to a late night spot in the Alberta district recently. i'd say 90 percent of the people had jeans, clogs, no make-up on, some type of fleece jacket type gear. i actually felt out of place for looking nice.
this place is just not me anymore. i went to the farmers market today, and of course the people were all one-dimensional(all white). as the morning went on i counted 4 more black people. i kept trying to make eye contact with them to make myself feel "okay". and before you say that i have insecurity issues, let me just say that i'm around white people CONSTANTLY. occasionally it would be nice to see more people of color in one place besides a nightclub!
Friday, February 26, 2010
shopping
this week we're celebrating the birthdays of two of my kids whose birthdays are both within weeks of each other. i went shopping last night to stock up on treats and presents when i spotted a white woman in the store with her black boyfriend.
okay question number one: how come whenever someone white(a 'dominant' race) is married to an ethnic person/person of color, they always take on the characteristics or immerse themselves in the culture of the minority race, and not the other way around? i think occasionally i see it, but not as often. there's nothing wrong with it- i even notice it in my marriage. just an observation.
i looked at the black guy she was with, and he did not appear to be that great of a catch. i often wonder what white girls see in the thuggish-ruggish black guys that are SO far from being in my league. i would have higher expectations if i were in the dating scene AND dating a black man. it's just so weird.
she kept looking at me...i don't know what she was thinking. i interpreted the way she was acting around me as her showing off her black man to me, as if to say 'i got one of yours'. if she only knew...i would never date a guy like that. she can have him and then some.
okay question number one: how come whenever someone white(a 'dominant' race) is married to an ethnic person/person of color, they always take on the characteristics or immerse themselves in the culture of the minority race, and not the other way around? i think occasionally i see it, but not as often. there's nothing wrong with it- i even notice it in my marriage. just an observation.
i looked at the black guy she was with, and he did not appear to be that great of a catch. i often wonder what white girls see in the thuggish-ruggish black guys that are SO far from being in my league. i would have higher expectations if i were in the dating scene AND dating a black man. it's just so weird.
she kept looking at me...i don't know what she was thinking. i interpreted the way she was acting around me as her showing off her black man to me, as if to say 'i got one of yours'. if she only knew...i would never date a guy like that. she can have him and then some.
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