Tuesday, September 13, 2011
when i began to get comments, i thought "how did people find my blog?" so, i put one of those trackers on the site. i checked every now and then, but i was never motivated by how many visitors i got. i'm still not. sure, i love hearing what you all have to say, but i still just blog what i'm thinking about.
anyway, every time i check my stats (which is like once in a blue moon), i'm always so surprised at how many people find me by googling "black girls" and "why do black people eat chicken and watermelon". i kid you not. the search about black people AND chicken and watermelon is absolutely the number one search topic that gets random strangers to my blog. followed by searching "black girls".
PEOPLE WANT TO KNOW WHY WE (SUPPOSEDLY, STEREOTYPICALLY) EAT CHICKEN AND WATERMELON!
and, people seem to very curious about black women. more than you know.
Friday, March 28, 2008
what's really curious is that before i started this blog, i had one of those social/mommy/hodgepodge blogs where i'd try to come up with some interesting topic all the time. i guess my goal was to get as many readers as i could. it worked for a while, until i just burned out. i started to think it was too contrived. i thought i was just writing for myself, but wondered why was i putting so much effort into something that no one read. so then i'd try all these things like, having a cool layout. or linking other blogs. or catchy titles or gadgets or widgets or pictures just to get people to read it. until i realized that it was taking way too much energy. and it wasn't really positive energy. it felt like work and it was stressful if i thought that not enough people were reading it. and it just consumed my brain all the time. everything i did was an effort to get inspired for cool blog post that would attract readers.
so i bagged that blog. and decided that i did have things i wanted to say, but it didn't really fit into the type of social blogging that i was doing. i decided that i had all these thoughts about this or that, things you can't just say to people -and i could put it into a blog. and honest-to-god didn't care who would read it, i just wanted to get my raw thought out there.
so how ironic it is to me, that without even trying, i get more readers and dialoguing on this blog than i ever did when i was trying so hard on the old blog to get people to read what i was talking about. which is why i don't even fuss with some really cool layout, or anything catchy. if people were going to read it, i just wanted them to read the stripped-down version of what i was saying without the distractions.
and no, i'm not going to link to anyone from my site. i'm not trying to promote anyone or anything----why would i when i'm not even promoting myself? i even feel kind of______(for lack of a better word) when people link to me on their blogs. my first thought is, okay that's great, but what's going to happen when one day i write about my rawest (is that a word?) thought and they don't like it? then will they unlink me? it's almost like pressure to perform or something. like they're telling their readers that they recommend this "great" blog. and i'm just writing about nothing, really. and i'm afraid that i'll go back to writing just to impress people (which i really, really, really don't want to do again).
okay i guess i really digressed.
some of my emails tell me that i must 'hate' myself, i 'need help' et cetera, et cetera. i don't agree at all. why? because i'm functioning. if i couldn't function in different social situations or if any of my insecure thoughts inhibited me from living life somehow, or made me some sick demented person, well then i could see getting help. just what exactly would 'help' do for me that i am not already doing? and what kind of help is that, exactly? since when is it not okay to have *thoughts* (besides dangerous, suicidal, or immoral)? i'm living life to the fullest of my ability. and i know for a fact that my thoughts are not any worse than MANY people. i've never struggled with depression or any type of mental illness which is a lot more than i can say for many people. i actually feel kind of proud of that fact. seems kind of rare these days for someone to not be on ANY meds at all. but yeah, that's me. i feel lucky that way.
i'm just saying what people think about all the time. this will sound cliche, but nobody is perfect. so no matter how politically correct you think you are, or how progressive you feel, if you blogged about the first thought that popped into your head, it would likely sound like the things i say.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
people always comment on my posts that i make them sick, i'm shameful, etc. my thoughts really are: how is this MY fault? i've done nothing but grow up in portland oregon among a majority of white people.
the things i blog about are a combination of my experience living in portland as a black person, and my personality. so, some things i say sound "off". i've been accused of hating being black and hating other black people. and the people who criticize me fail to realize that i'm only a product of my environment. i've traveled and been to other places but portland is where i grew up. where my views were shaped.
a few commenters recommended counseling. for what? where? i've never heard of counseling to help black people appreciate being black. have you? if so, please enlighten me. other than that type of non-existent counseling, i really am an O.K. person. no need for therapy here. for me, growing up in a place like portland and trying to have a sense of pride about being black and my culture was/is like trying to swim upstream against the current.
portland oregon is not the type of city where we're surrounded by tons and tons of successful black people. how can i *not* grow up and have sort-of this white mentality and then feel a little conflicted when i look in the mirror and see someone black? and then think negatively about black people that i see acting different from me and feeling like somehow i'm supposed to have a connection with them because we share the same race?
people who criticize me on this blog seem to think that having a sense of black pride about my hair, my features, my race, my culture should just be inherent. like that comes naturally. well, i'm proof that it doesn't. especially in a place like portland. things that i think and blog about might seem incredible to someone who lives in a place like Atlanta or Texas where black people are bursting at the seams, but it's different in a place like portland. granted, portland is slowly becoming home to more and more people of color BUT it still has a long way to go AND during the younger years of me growing up, it really was very white and one-dimensional.
commenters say that i contradict myself-that i preach about people being racist and judgemental but my posts are just that. what i blog about are my feelings. i'm not writing a book here. my feelings are just my feelings. and usually the feelings i blog about stay in the blog. this is my outlet for the way i interpret my world.
Friday, August 17, 2007
i read all the emails i get , but usually don't respond because i don't want to get attached to readers. meaning, if i correspond with someone by email, i'm afraid it will change my candidness.
i guess it's just the type of person i am. i want to write truly what i feel about things, and if i start being too concerned what "this person" or "that person" thinks, it will ruin my blog.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
i have a thought
i temporarily dismiss it and go on with life
i recall it and think about it/analyze it
blog about it.
i'm not walking around as this big ball of negativity unable to enjoy life and people. the race issues i bring up are purely thoughts. it doesn't affect my interaction with people. you'd never know what i was thinking if you'd seen me at the pool with the other black mom (besides the fact i didn't walk up and introduce myself).
the only difference between me and the readers who have scolded and berated me about what i blog about is that when i have a raw thought, i don't just dismiss it to never be analyzed ever again. i
i'm not some demented person. i'm just like EVERYBODY ELSE. i go here, i go there, i work, i socialize, i eat out with friends and family, i work in my garden, i chat with my neighbors, i go to costco, i go get coffee, etc, etc. the comments from my last post led me to believe people think i'm sitting in some dark corner -like Glenn Close in fatal attraction- writing this and waiting for the comments to pour in. like i'm some nut.
a) i don't claim to be brave by posting what i post, as one commenter suggested (although it takes some bravery to read some of the comments and emails).
b) i was very ashamed of the feelings that prompted my last post. but, why shouldn't i blog about it-for self analysis if nothing else?
c)there are plenty of sick and demented people thinking WAY worse thoughts out there than i. just turn on the news. at least i'm not trying to hurt my children or small animals or anyone else for that matter.
d) i honestly don't know how african americans can not be negatively affected or brainwashed by society and the commercial media. i believe that i think the way that i do because of our society. why should i bottle it up? i am acknowledging that my thinking about race is off.
but who do i have to blame for that??
it's not my parents, they are successful and educated and race was never a factor growing up.
i guess i'm finding it really hard to believe that my readers don't ever have an insecure thought, or ever think negative things (wrong or right) about others from time to time.
Friday, June 15, 2007
sometimes i get emails from people who think i'm an idiot and can't understand why on earth i'd write a blog and put my most personal thoughts out there.
want to know why? it's SO therapeutic. really.
a while back you might remember a post about how insecure i felt going out in public holding hands or being affectionate with my husband of 11 years. it was only because of the race issue. you know, black, white, etc.
i got so many emails from people who thought i was nuts and couldn't understand my insecurity. i got a few emails from people who could relate as well. anyway, it's been several months, i think and just in the last month i've noticed how i truly couldn't care less about what people think anymore when we're out. granted, i'm not a publicly affectionate person, but even just sitting outside at a restaurant made me insecure.
not anymore. i think this blog makes me feel different. once i put myself out there and i get to hear feedback-good and bad, it gives me some perspective and subtly changes my outlook.
sometimes the emails sting though. and that helps too.
Friday, March 16, 2007
but who doesn't ever think something less than favorable before acting or saying the opposite? you're lying if you say that you don't. yet when i write what i feel, and not necessarily what i actually did, i get reamed.
i'm past that though. that's why i started this blog in the first place. everyone writes for their readers. everyone puts on the comfortable, ideal, shiny side of themselves into their blog and leaves out the ugly. nobody wants to showcase the ugly and risk people
the upside of this all is how therapeutic writing and getting responses is. of course any blog can get responses. but with regard to race in particular, the responses and emails are amazing usually and let me know i'm not the only one with my feelings...
Friday, February 23, 2007
'Man, this version of Just Callin' It Like You See It is boggling my mind.
There are moments when i find your insights pretty interesting (most of us are not unaware that pdx is is the Great White Populace and it's instructive to hear another voice or voices). There're other moments when it's obvious that your own personal insecurities cloud the quality of thought, but it's your blog (hell yeah it is) so go for it on the merely-32-inch-tv and the afraid-to-meet-the-woman-on-the-phone threads. But something about this post is just so out there, so cynical and ill-toned, that I had to wonder if you ever read your own blog.
Lady, half of your posts revolve around perception and presumption and how puzzling and cruel they can be. Yet here you are dissing a room fulla whites because they had the wherewithall to attend a Black History Mo. screening. These people were interested enough to get their asses up to PCC for a screening and you're instantly dismissing them as granola-eating, White Guilt laden black history dilettantes who're watching whatever movie as a collective act of...condescension? This particular musing is generalizing in exactly the style that you accuse or document various whites of doing, and it's no prettier from your pen than it is when you journal the behaviors of others.
You imply that white people everywhere only allow themselves to think positively about blacks once a year (do you really truly think this?); you state that the scholastic portrait of blacks is limited to poverty and ignorance (i can only attest to the california public school system on this, but i sure as hell didn't wander around the elementary school yard thinking blacks were stupid and poor); you sarcastically chide the attendees of this event for coming to an African film during Black History Month, because you apparently can tell that they're not interested in the black community beyond this 90 minute reel; then you wag your blogging finger in the face of this nameless, generalized audience in Portland because Africa's been historically exploited by whites um, not in Portland?
I think you can see that this line of thought doesn't make a helluva lot of sense. Perhaps you're resentful of the whites in that room at PCC for whatever reason. Okay, that's cool, if that's where you're at and you're honest about it. But weaving a poorly-constructed and mean-spirited narrative around people that did nothing but show up to a movie is a cheap, cheap shot, no matter the cheerleading that occurs in the comments section.'
i think people forget that this blog started out as a personal, almost-confessional type place for me to write about my thoughts, experiences and feelings. period.
( i'm not writing for the Oregonian here)
Monday, January 15, 2007
*ahem*chuckle**first of all, despite what you may think, i don't have self hate issues (that was in another part of her comment). it's just that i can look at being black objectively.
second of all, just exactly HOW is making myself sound black (or "white") the most ignorant thing you've ever heard? really? REALLY? explain that. maybe you should venture out of your hood. how are you going to tell someone that their experience being who they are is ignorant? did you grow up in the same amerca i did? it sounds to me like you may be the one living under a rock and not gotten out to see the world.
thirdly, you ask 'why is it off most of the time?' hmm. you really have to ask? why WOULD i want to go around in a city where i only account for 7 percent of the black population -talking slang and ebonics perpetuating the stereotype? fortunately, i'm not one of the loud mouthed, don't-care-who's-around, women giving black people a bad name. if you are, then more power to you. that's your choice.
and finally how dare you tell me that my black experience is incorrect or invalid, or ignorant. i'm not some white person writing what i think things may be. i'm black talking about real life and real feelings and real stereotypes in my world. and i'd be willing to bet that if you weren't so worried about who might be reading your blog and you wrote what you really felt, it would be "ignorant" too.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
but thanks for reading. to the anonymous commenter who asked, TBG, ever think that maybe you obssess a little too much about this whole race thing? actually, no, i don't. ever think of taking off those tinted glasses?
chris, i wish i knew what brouhaha you are talking about. enlighten me. my email is in my profile page.
i get a lot of hits, i mean A LOT of hits from people trying to find out about "why black people eat chicken and watermelon". apparently, some people out there still think that. ...i get a ton of hits from people googling "hair texturizers". i had to do some editing because of my post about radio p*rn when i started getting hits from people looking for p*rn and other nasty stuff (thanks to the lyrics i posted from that song).
that is all. carry on and thanks for reading.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
white people in Portland are not as "flavorful" as they may be in Cali. i've been to Cali, and it's very colorful in many places and i'm sure that a lot of the white people there might do "black" things by my [Portland] standard and still be very white.
on the flip side, many of the black people here are still, well, very one-dimensional. meaning, that there are still many of "us" who are not as progressive thinking. thus the reason for the list. i should have mentioned that that "acting white" list was based on those black people who haven't had the chance to go anywhere or do anything where they'd get more perspective.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
first of all, the reason why i named this blog That Black Girl was because i wanted to blog about that aspect of my life. it's no different than being a Political blogger or Mommy blogger, or a knitting or adoption blogger and blogging about only that aspect of someones life. no, it's not their entire life, and they're definitely not only defined by their blog topic.
second of all, my viewpoints are obviously biased because of my experience being black, but they are my experiences and i would hardly call pointing out the differences of whiteness and blackness being racist. i'm married to a white man. my kids are half white. i couldn't be racist. however, there are cultural differences. there are things about both cultures that i like, dislike or am indifferent about.
regarding the post about MLK:
What was your response to your co-worker?
honestly, i did one of those "Aah. really?? hmmm...whatever" numbers. nod the head, like i hear you, without taking my eyes away from the computer. i HATE confrontation (imagine that! a black girl who, unlike the stereotype, doesn't look for opportunities to get loud and go off, waving her hand in your face and rolling the neck while chewing gum). and no, i guess it really didn't have to be confrontational. i could have easily corrected her, but the circumstance wasn't right for me, and I know her. she's really kind of just clueless. i'd rather not get worked up over someone who's just clueless when it comes to things like that. i didn't feel the need to be right and have the last word. i didn't compromise my blackness by not saying anything.
From what is written, you have contempt for tall white men in management. Your husband is a tall white man, whom you pester about getting into management. Is it any wonder he resists you in this?
Hold up. What???? did you read even half my post??
Sunday, October 15, 2006
it's a little ironic that someone left me this comment, because last night i was thinking about how this blog probably makes me sound SO insecure. i must seem like some snobby, insecure, self-hatin' woman.
well, i'm not. here's the thing. i wanted this blog to be an outlet where i could write about things from way deep down that i know other people feel, but no one wants to share that side. oh, come on. you mean, deep down, you've never thought your nose was too big, or your hair sucked, or you felt jealous or spiteful?
most people with a blog of faithful readers don't want to open that side up. I mean, who does? people dont just go around talking about how they wonder why their skin color is what it is and how they think it has affected them. but we're all human. we ALL have insecurities to one degree or another (and don't tell me you don't ).
I don't need therapy, i grew up with both my parents still married, traveled all over with them, graduated from college, and now i'm in a good, healthy relationship with my husband and kids. there's nothing WRONG with me. this i know.
but i still sometimes wonder about things or think things that are not so easy to just say to someone. So here it is. i will try though, not to come across as so insecure.