Tuesday, June 22, 2010

defense

[if you are black], have you ever noticed that whenever you tell to a white person about some racial injustice that you've experienced by someone white, the person you're talking to "acts" all upset and starts preaching and going on about how that was just SO WRONG? i'm talking over and beyond a simple comment. it's like they're somehow worried that you'll lump them in with the racists and they want you to know that without a doubt, they're NOT racists.

my husband's family is extremely racist. and whenever the situation comes up in conversation with friends, i never act sad or upset about it- i intentionally don't want anyone to think i'm trying to have a pity party. 'cause i'm most definitely not. but i will bring it up, if the conversation warrants it.i'm not afraid to talk about it. and 9 times out of 10, i'm talking to someone white, and i'm telling them some retarded act that my husbands family has done because of hating black people (me), and my white friends/acquaintances almost choke on their food trying to make sure that i know they are nothing like that. it is actually pretty funny.

it's funny because a white person will never, ever say: 'well, i can see why they didn't want their son to marry a black girl'. but i'd venture to guess that probably 5 out of 10 white people feel the same way as my husbands parents. but of course they'll never say it. so in my mind, the harder they choke trying to convince me how un-racist they are....well, it might just indicate how racist they know their family really is.

and when i tell black people about my husbands parents, they're like: "whaaaat? seriously? whatever. they're idiots".

end of conversation.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

I miss the design of your old page.

That black girl said...

Anon, really? You must mean the LACK of design. This is surely better, right?

Benita said...

I see and feel what you're saying in this, but... If YOU were in their shoes... wouldn't you feel some type of urge to defend yourself. It's not like they could ever TRULY understand what it's like to be Black & have part of your family hate you for that simple fact. I think we forget that, we don't know what it's like to be white either. To know that your ancestors, or even just other people who share a similar heritage with you, can be SO rude and ignorant. As Black people we may never REALLY look at a white person and not feel, in some way, that tinge that causes us to analyze them when it comes to racial issues.

I understand what you're saying, but Black people have had to deal with it before so they vcan relate, which is why they can act more nonchalant about it, but for someone who is White and doesn't understand, they may just be doing what they think you want them to do. They may feel like you're expecting them to prove that they don't think like that. So, that may be why they OVER-do their response to the situation. Basic defense mechanisms. Not saying that they are racist, but that they feel like you think they are, so they put up that defense by over-doing the denial.

Anonymous said...

It is so enlightening to read your posts. I am a white woman who lives in a mostly black neighborhood and to be honest, I don't understand alot of the culture here. It's not that I have never been around black folks, but I have never felt uncomfortable until I moved in here. I can't claim to understand what it's like to be discriminated against by the job market or police as with racial profiling but it's really a bummer to be called white bitch by my neighbors and told that I better move and to not be ableto let my son out to play, not because of problems with the children, but because of the adults. It has become abundantly cleare to me in my time living here that people all need to try a little harder to understand what others go through no matter what color they are and at least try to get along and may be even embrace our differences. Thank you for your insight.

the Wife said...

I hate the boundaries in culture sometimes. Kudo's for the great thoughts. Like your blog alot cause you tell it how it is!

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't know. I never tell white people about racial injustice because I assume that they won't be able to relate, and I certainly don't want their pity. But then again if I married into a racist family, I probably wouldn't complain to anybody if they continued to be racist, but that's just me. In fact, if I married a man who was raised by racists and I was a black woman, I would probably look in the mirror when it was time to assign blame.

Funny how you condescend toward black men as though they are beneath you, but you married a man who was raised not to respect the people from which you come. And then you complain to other white people about it. And then you come on here and complain to black folks about how they don't know what to say. Maybe they don't know what to say because they are amazed that you actually married into a racist family. Wow.

Anonymous said...

I think you are beautiful! Your thoughts are valid and are wonderful to read. I am a white lady who was raised in a white mormon community. I didn't meet my first black person until I was eight years old when my family traveled to Virginia for a few months. I was smitten by her. Her laughter, her beautiful white teeth against her chocolate lips, automatically I wanted to be black!!! When I learned what my white ancestors had done to your black ancestors I was disgusted :( Ever since I have been ashamed to be a cracker. I wish there was a way for all of us to be proud of who we are, and what we are, I wish there was understanding, and sharing of culture. I hate feeling the way I do about being white and find myself often overcompensating for my insecurities when talking to any other race, it is downright embarrassing. Again, thank you for your thoughts, I may become a regular blog stalker of yours.

LonelyChild said...

I feel you on this subject. But white Portlanders are a different breed of white folk, I believe their liberal standings makes them not want to be viewed as racists especially by people of colour. In Vegas, most people pretend there is no race problem, or/and they LAUGH it off! I walk down the street, women are tightly holding their purses, police are watching me (they make sure I know!), one day the good ol' boys yelled out HEY NIGGER, when I was walking down the street! I tell this to a white person, they either laugh it off, and say it isn't a big deal, or they pretend they never seen anything racist in their lives. I'm telling you, Vegas equals Mississippi of the West.

Pilar said...

so interesting! I really like your blog. Great insight!

Quincy said...

Your blog is really honest. Some of the things you write about I've seen examples of in some parts of my life. Although I don't always agree with you, I enjoy reading your posts.

Anonymous said...

I'm a white boy from Southeast Europe and I love black people, I'm in love with black women, although there are none here, and I love reading your blog because I want to get to know black culture better. I've never been to America so I don't know exactly what relationships between black and white people are like there, but I totally agree with Benita, it doesn't mean they're racist, they just want to show you that they have nothing to do with other racists or their racist ancestors. They think you think they're racists too. People usually tend to generalize things so they say: black people are like this, white people are like that, and it's all usually in a negative context. That's why we feel the need to put ourselves out of those stereotypes. Or we can just laugh at it, knowing that no one will get hurt. I love you all, peace! :)

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