Monday, May 30, 2011

how you doin'?

i was in whole foods today. usually the only types of people i see there are the rich/granola/got-tons-of-money-to-burn-on-granola type people. well, except for me, the i-don't-have-a-ton-of-money-but-there-are-just-some-good-things-you-can't-get-anywhere-else-so-i-will-go-buy-that-and-then-leave type shopper. anyway, today, there was this black guy, mid-twenties or so, looking ghetto fabulous with his do-rag and saggy jeans and all, and with a white girl to boot. she was busy picking out stuff, and he seemed like a boytoy tag-a-long.

i'm almost certain she was his girlfriend. yet when i walked by, he says, "hi. how you doin'?" while he stood there waiting for my response. how am i doing? why do you want to know? how is your girlfriend doing? i mean, how disrespectful to his girlfriend is that? and maybe she wasn't his girlfriend. maybe she was just his friend who happened to be a girl. or parole officer. but still. it was just awkward. i mean, i don't ask ANY strangers 'how they're doing'. even if they are black.

and what is the point of asking me how i'm doing? if he wanted to be friendly because we're both black, well then fine. just give me a nod and a smile. but when you ask me how i'm doing, do you really expect me to say something like, "i'm good. and how are you?" and then proceed to converse?

i'm a "stanger" snob. if i don't know you, i don't really want to talk to you. unless of course it appears that we have something in common- kids, lifestyle, etc. or if the weather's nice and i just feel like being overly friendly. otherwise, even though i consider myself to be a nice person, i don't really want to talk to people i don't know.


v said...

It could have been the black connection or he was being friendly. I too am a "stranger snob"...however I know that everyone isn't like me, so I grin and bare it. Come on, it's just not that serious :)

Joyann said...

Yeah, as v said, it's not that serious. The guy asked you "how you doin?" and you take that as an insult. Give me a break. I don't particularly like talking to strangers either, because I'm introverted, and I deal with social anxiety, but if someone says something to me as I'm going along with my day, I will acknowledge the person by at least saying "Hi". If you had answered the guy and then he proceeded to come on to you or say something overly familiar, then I could see that as an issue, but from what you described, all the guy said was "How you doin?" and you ignored him. So from his perspective, he may have thought you were rude and obnoxious for not even acknowledging him. It works both ways.

Tee said...

If he wouldn’t have spoken to you at all then you would be talking about him ignoring "the black female" because he was with a white female. Oregon view and bitter thoughts; some come from the baggage and pain we hold on too. In other States, we {black folks} speak, give comments and acknowledge each other....stranger or not

Obi said...

Do you think that perhaps, deep inside you want to be noticed and acknowledged?

Bill Smith said...

Ghetto fabulous??? What is so fabulous about a do-rag and saggy jeans? You are being sarcastic, I'm sure!

Bill Smith said...

Tee, I don't know where you are located, but in New York City where I grew up, no one speaks if they don't know you. They “might” give a polite nod of acknowledgment. In Oakland, where I currently live, most people do not speak if they don't know you. However, they “might” give you a nod of acknowledgment as well.

Eugene S.Teller said...

I enjoy reading some of the things you have wrote about and the others I dont. I find it interesting to read your take on everyday life situations. I'm not one to say if you are wrong or right you are entitled to feel and view things how you want.

Its not like you are out here killing people and stealing from individuals. Whats wrong with an opinion?
Keep posting!!

check out writings2read.blogspot would love for you to give an opinion like only you could.

Siobhan said...

I use to be the same way...however I have learned the value of love, especially when it comes to strangers. Like you I use to feel uncomfortable, especially when those people who were ghetto and hood use to approach me. I wouldn't know whether they were trying to hit on me or not...but I have since learned that everyone, including the worst ghetto fabulous hoodrat you will find, has a story to tell. A person who sags his pants, does so because of the conditioning he grew up under. My future children, if they were raised in that type of environment, then maybe they will turn out the same way...although I know they will not considering my state of mind. You have to realize that the mind state of those parents in the hood vary from child to child...and kids 9 times out of ten will imitate their parents and the environment they grew up under. This is why I am no longer disturbed by the kid who sags or talks to me in ebonics I will never understand...because I realize that it is all they know...if someone had taught them better, they would KNOW better.

The most important lesson I have learned, however, is not only to not judge those people by what I see on the outer appearance but to realize that I may be the key to them changing their whole mindstate. I will acknowledge that there are the ignorants and the pervs out there, but those are the vast minority considering the lives I am able to touch just by being myself, but also sharing myself with those people as an example of what they COULD be. You're working at a college so be an example to those kids...but dont be uptight. The worst thing you can do is walk around like your shit dont stink. Those people have a heart too...but you will never realize that always looking at what a person is wearing or how they talk...there is a heart behind all of those people.

Thank, Q said...

LOL! Well, being from the South, speaking to people isn't a big deal. When I used to visit my cousin in MN, she would always warn me not to speak to people because they'd freak out. To this day, I don't understand that, but to each their own. Different regions and generations breed different results.

19240504-6414-11e0-b43c-000bcdcb5194 said...

Dang!! LOL why he gotta be ghetto fabulous?? Is it the way that he was dressed which turned you off so much so that you couldn't even spare a second to return a greeting? If you was scared that he was trying to hit on you, all you gotta do is smile say thanks and keep it moving. It never hurts to be nice. I'm from nyc and all types of people stop to greet me, and even when I don't feel like being bothered I make sure I say something nice back cause I may very well be the last voice they hear and theirs mine

Anonymous said...

Geez, the man was only being polite and acknowledging you. He wasn't asking you on a date, to go to bed with him or commit grand larceny.

Yet from that you took that he was a boy toy, or the woman with him was his parole officer. You judged, dismissed him, and demeaned him. Somehow I'm certain that if someone had thought you were a "toy" or a criminal while you were out with your white "probation officer" husband, you would be deeply offended.

If he had hit on you (notice had, since this is unknown) you would then have been able to cast aspersions on his character assuming he was attached to the woman he was with.

You are upset in previous blogs that someone made assumptions based on the color of your skin, but you show yourself all to willing to do the same.

Bill Smith said...

Something tells me that the author of this blog doesn't bother to read comments from her readers. She never responds or even attempt to interact, which is the reason I unsubscribed.

Bill Smith
African American-Latino World

A Dangerous Mind said...

I guess it all depends on where you come from and what the local customs are. My family being from the South consider it disrespectful to see another Black person and not speak. I'm use to acknowledging other black people that I see but I can tell someone doesn't want to be bothered.

MeMe Marquez said...

I never like it when while i'm walking down the street, [usually close to the 'hood], and then a bummy looking rapper wannabe guy has the gall to say 'how you doin' AFTER I pass them. I can tell the difference between a genuine southern greeting, and sleaze bag that thinks he has access to every black woman on the planet because they share the same race and doesn't feel the need to first polish his overall appearance and presentation before winning over her attention.

Anonymous said...

Go MeMe! I agree!

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