Friday, May 09, 2008


now that the sun has come out in portland-albeit intermittently, i've pulled out my summer gear. i also have been out shopping. i didn't realize how truly anal i am about what i wear. when i decide what to wear or what to buy, about 90 percent of my decision is based on whether it makes me NOT look ghetto-fabulous. when most women are paranoid about whether what they wear makes their butt look huge, i'm paranoid that i'll look ghetto.

i can't stand that look of--well the look of black women that have their nails all done, their toes all done, their hair all done, wearing the most trendy, Forever21-style, borderline-club-gear on. the immediate impression i get is that they probably don't have a dime to their name.

so i'm constantly walking that fine line of trying to look tastefully stylish, but not too stylish for fear of falling into that "look" category. i didn't realize how much i was overthinking what i wear without even realizing it, until today, when i almost made my child late for school because of it. only then did it finally dawn on me-that in the back of my mind, i've been having this conversation in my head about how un-ghetto-fabulous i want to look. all the stereotypes of black women depict us with our hair fresh from the salon pressed bone-straight, with tight, provocative clothes, gold rings on our fingers, and long, acrylic nails. and i alway cringe when i see the black girls looking like that. i always think to myself : don't they know? don't they look in the mirror and see the stereotype? are they really that clueless?

so the complicated part is that i don't want to look like i have no style, but of course i want to look good. and everyone that i know with money doesn't "look" like they have money. but you can always tell good quality clothing. i would say my style is somewhere along the lines of Abercrombie and fitch meets the Gap. sorta. so i guess i just try to keep it simple but stylish, forgetting the acrylic nails (those were long forgotten) and the big gawdy earrings. i like my toes, clean and neat with a light coat of sheer pink.

i know that people will form whatever opinions they want to about a black woman regardless of what we wear, but if i can help it, i will.