Friday, February 26, 2010


this week we're celebrating the birthdays of two of my kids whose birthdays are both within weeks of each other. i went shopping last night to stock up on treats and presents when i spotted a white woman in the store with her black boyfriend.

okay question number one: how come whenever someone white(a 'dominant' race) is married to an ethnic person/person of color, they always take on the characteristics or immerse themselves in the culture of the minority race, and not the other way around? i think occasionally i see it, but not as often. there's nothing wrong with it- i even notice it in my marriage. just an observation.

i looked at the black guy she was with, and he did not appear to be that great of a catch. i often wonder what white girls see in the thuggish-ruggish black guys that are SO far from being in my league. i would have higher expectations if i were in the dating scene AND dating a black man. it's just so weird.

she kept looking at me...i don't know what she was thinking. i interpreted the way she was acting around me as her showing off her black man to me, as if to say 'i got one of yours'. if she only knew...i would never date a guy like that. she can have him and then some.


Anonymous said... said exactly what I'm thinking when I see white chicks with thuggy black dudes! LOL....As if they have inherited a prize or something. Mostly it's the white chick that thinks she has taken a prize from the black woman.

If she only knew. Actually she has taken the burden off some black woman out their that has probably thrown him on the streets.

So really she inherited something most black women could do without: bad credit, kids, kids, kids and more kids, no car, no ambition, no goals in life and did I mention kids.....LOL! Poor thing....I kinda feel sorry for her :(

Vanilla Lover said...

agree agree agree,i do notice white women who are with black men acting like they have a trophy, sometimes i really just feel like going up to them and saying,'have him,his brother and his cousin,beacuse i sure as hell dont want him'.

Anonymous said...

As a young successful muscular white man who likes black women I get a kick out of this :)

夏天天氣嗎 said...

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Leecee said...

Funny. How did you feel the man responded to you? I often feel in situation like these that the man tries real hard not to make eye contact with me. Hmmm.

XaiXai said...

I've experienced this as well. I have no sympathy for white or black women attracted to what hurts them. I feel it's a form of insanity, as such, I give folks afflicted with that illness a wide birth. I also find that the black male to my irritation usually does not ignore me and will try to flirt of make eye contact. DBR in all it's glory! I've also seen instances where the white female knows this and will either not make eye contact with me or will glare evilly. I can only thank God it's not me in this type of relationship. In fact; I'd like to see a time when thug males have difficulty finding black women for relationships because we're all involved with stable, quality men.

Annaloo said...

With all due respect,

If you interpret her looking at you like she's got it over you bc she has a black man, this sort of thinking says more about your soul and spirit than it does anything about her.

It's your own insecurity, evidenced by a constant need to put others below you as evidenced by your earlier blog entries.

It's all up to you, my friend. Why do hate so much?

Live and let live.

Dani said...

To each his/her own, eh? One (wo)man's trash is another (wo)man's treasure :)

Anonymous said...

you are so totally off base with that comment. WW with BM do look at ANY woman that's in the vincity of their "man".I've experienced this, and I've seen it just by general people watching. Just because someone makes an observation doesn't mean it's "hating". The author is speaking her truth as she knows it to be.

Live and let live, as you say...

annaloo said...

@ Anonymous-- I don't see it the way you do -- and my white mama wasn't staring at every black woman thinking she had something over her by being married to my black father.

Unless you can positively mind read that WW's mind and KNOW her TRUE thoughts, everything is just an ASSUMPTION made by this blogger (and negative ones, at that). For all we know, she could have been looking at our blogger because her fly was open, but the bottom line is you'll never know because you have to make assumptions and paint a skin color for the reasons behind it.

Presuming it was for negative reason (that the WW had something over the BW) IS negative, IS hateful. Until we develop psychic powers, I think this was hair-trigger thinking.

Blacks can be just as bad as whites for prejudice. Live and let live's the only way to keep sanity, you can't ever really confirm what people are thinking with any skin color.

Rhea said...

I'm bored and at work and checking out blogs. I really appreciate your funny insightful posts on so many topics. I get so tired of everyone being afraid to talk about issues of race and relationships- like we don't all notice it.

I don't know if this incident has anything to do with the ww thinking she's got one over on a bw, but I can speak personally that I've never experienced this.

She may have just been anticipating that YOU had a problem with her being with a black guy, and she wanted to get it across that she's with him regardless of what you think about it. I dont know if this guardedness is something that every mix-race couple develops. I'm sure everyone who has every dated interracially has had an experience with some clown that has a comment on your relationship. One or two of those experiences could influence even the most optimistic guy/girl to expect negativity at every turn when they go out.

Interesting blog though. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

Anonymous said...

well well now... I know that noone can confirm anothers thoughts but its all in the body language boo boo. Just cause yo mama didnt do it dont mean it is not being done. By white and black girls it is done. Maybe u need to observe when u see a real black girl and not no half breeds and see wit yo own eyes. Just cause u dont get that. U may not be black enough to experience this shoot the ww might look at u as bein just as white as her. So it may never happen to u. It has happened to me numerous times. as a choco blacca female i know. And i definately do read body language and yes very often can read minds and think somethin before it even happens. Ask my best friends and my ex thugs they have witnessed it and ask the other girls u know. And this time make sure they are black. Live and learn while u live.

Anonymous said...

It's times like that I wish I could read minds. I've seen that before. Especially when you're an attractive black women, that panic look they if her man is going to drop her for you or something. It's crazy...most of the time black men don't want a black woman (for whatever reason) anyway and that's why they're with the white woman. Also, more often than's a man I wouldn't be interested in anyway. It's strange, huh?

Anonymous said...

I will keep it short and pun intended. I was in Les Scwabb tires last week. I see this Black man with his two kids. I see the that both kids have loose curly hair and nearly pale skin...of course.

Anyways, as they walk closer I see that it is ONE child and the other "child" was his White midget (really a midget) baby momma (looked for a wedding ring and I did not see one on either of their fingers).

She hobbles out and stares me down for a second, yells at her daughter "c'mon Keisha we gots ta go", mean while he's walking ahead of them rapping loudly staring at me from the corner of his eye.

The whole scene was odd...oddly I was not shocked.

Anonymous said...

That midget story had me laughing out loud. My family just asked me what is wrong with me?

Anyway, everyone (BW) knows what white females are thinking when they see us and they are out with their thug black man. They feel superior because the black man tells them every day how beautiful their skin is, how soft their hair is and how black women are X, Y and Z.

And, Annaloo, you are biracial. You have no idea what it is like to be a black woman and to have a black mother. You therefore have no insight into this situation.

Obviously, we are not mind readers but white women are very vocal in their opinions and the majority feel proud when they show off their BM to BW.

Girl with Smile said...

@Annaloo I completely agree with you! It seems she is insecure with her own race and therefore moved on to be with a white man, not because he was good to her but because she isn't happy in her own skin and needs to be with a white man.

I am willing to date any race, the don't just have to be black like me, but I won't stray away from a black man just because I'm afraid my baby will be TOO black(skin)

And "thugged" out is what definition?

Michelle said...

My friends and I have seen this many times over the years. So much so, we would trade stories. A few weeks ago I was in Winco, This WW had a very cute mixed baby. Strange thing is, she kept staring at me and showing up in the isle I was in. When I got in line, she walked past the line I was in (twice) then circled around and came to my line. I was trying not to think the worst even at this point. Then she turned the stroller around and bumped me with the handle. Ofcourse I looked, someone just bumped me. Then I get this weird smirk from her... Creepy much?

Anonymous said...

Maybe she was starring at you wondering why the hell is this lady starring at me? As i see it a lot of interracial couples are on the defensive when they're out together because of the disapproving looks they get from people. Maybe she thought you were disapproving of their relationship

duncandinga said...

I hate to say this about you; but you're an idiot. I would have you know (FYI:I'm trying to sound white), that white girls know that the "thuggish-ruggish-brothers" are the closest you (as a woman) can get to having a real-man.

Why? Because he haven't lost his true African identity. Whitemen are what, 230 million strong in the USA; and still the blackman survive through their racist and disingenuous attacks.

Now YOU, a "sister". Who has no idea of what it is like to be a blackman; take shots at him.

You're not black. No way. You're some cracker posing as a black person. So you can spread your garbage. We're on to you.

If you are a "sister", you must love choking on white dic**s.

Now you have some white babies; all you need is your mini-van or a cadillac.

Anonymous said...

Hi :o) I can also say that I've noticed what you've noticed. Body language can say alot about what someone's thinking. My advice to you is ignore the ignorant people you encounter on a daily basis(regardless of race, creed, and color). That way, you won't give them the desired reaction they seek from you and add fuel to the fire.
-God Bless-

Anonymous said...

I don't get it.

You are an African American woman discussing inherent racism in Portland, Or; you are married to a Caucasian man, and have biracial children.

You discuss and articulate some of the racial problems that you have encountered, the disparate treatment that you have received, and a myriad of other quirks that comprise the 'Black experience' in a largely, homogenous and Caucasian city.

Knowing everything that you know about being African American in that environment, you still castigate African American males - especially if they are with Caucasian females. While their experience may not be your experience to a tee, the overarching experience - being Black in a largely White city - is the same. Cut us some slack.

Granted, your comments seemed to be largely directed at African American males that are, quote: "thuggish," etc., but isn't that a little unfair to be so harsh?

I get it... I really do. It's hard to be an educated, non-culturally conforming, African American in a predominantly White environment. You are expected to speak and behave in two different ways, depending on which side is projecting their expectations. You get offended when White friends make comments about "not being really Black," and offended when "thuggish Black guys" are doing X,Y,Z, and propagating negative stereotypes. Did you ever consider the opposite and opposing viewpoint - perhaps how these males feel that you are treating them, and raising your nose at them?

I am surprised daily at how harsh African Americans can be, especially towards each other. If we're too educated, we're Uncle Toms. If we're too 'street,' we're trash. If we're too this and too that, we're X,Y,Z.

I found your site because I am considering moving to Portland to take an attorney position.

I am an African American male; graduated from a top school, and my wife is White. I can only imagine what comments are made about us on blogs. My child is biracial, and I can honestly say that I'm more worried about the treatment that my family will receive from my own, African American community, than the White community. Unfortunately, some of the comments and posts in this blog confirm my concerns.