still

i got this little job a the local community college, PCC. specifically the one over in the 'hood, at cascade campus. i've been there for a solid week and a half now, working with different students. it's fun.

but one of the days last week as i was walking to my car through the crowded lot, i heard footsteps behind me. it was some really big black guy. i'll admit, i got kind of scared. and before you rush to judgement and call me whatever it is you want to call me, let me say this:

i don't go to the hood much. i see black people all the time, but not in such concentration as when you go over to the partially-gentrified 'hood. and i'm sorry- but just because i'm black doesn't mean i automatically feel some kinship to every black man i see.

if you look scary, you look scary. regardless of what race you are. it just so happened that this black guy walking closely behind me looked a little bit intimidating. and then it dawned on me that every. single. black. man/boy at that campus that i've seen looks either thuggish/scary/intimidating or basically kinda trashy and ghetto.

when i say ghetto, i mean wearing either the stereotypical p-diddy-style warm-up suits , with both ears pierced and gaudy gold and faddish shoes or sagging jeans with the latest hip-hop style (rapper) faddish clothing. every last one of them. it's disgusting. and if they're not wearing one of those two options, they're really tore-down looking. i mean, it just is SO OLD and SO PLAYED OUT.

still? they still aspire to look like the stereotype?

i don't spend a lot of time in the hood but today i thought, "really? black men STILL look like this? i mean, come on. didn't obama (at least) getting into office inspire you to pull your pants up? look professional? stop dressing like the stereotype? a little bit?

i guess we should just be glad they're in school.

Dialect

How ironic that I'm discussing this after my last post. But whatever. So I took my kids swimming at a local aquatic park. When we got there, it just so happened that there weren't anymore seats left for parents to watch. My initial (absolutely first) thought that popped into my head to ask the staff were these words: "ya'll ain't got no more chairs up in here?" ( I think it was just my mood) And I had to laugh because my "filter" would never allow it to come out that way.

And then it dawned on me how easily I could turn that dialect on instantly without thinking. It's almost like lazy-talk. Like the way non-native english speakers or those with a southern dialect,etc. have a stronger accent when they are tired. It doesn't sound forced, or fake. But if you've ever heard a white person try to do it, it always sounds very fake and contrived.

Actually I always knew I could bust out in this dialect, but what dawned on me was that it came so natural like, without even trying. Yet at the same time i don't have to* try* to speak proper,sounding" white", as some would say.

So I'm wondering if all black people have this so called "ability". Do you?

Words

can i just start by saying: "hisself" is NOT a word black people?! i hear so-called educated black people use this all the time and i just cringe...it's HIMself!!!!

*sigh*. now that i finally got that off of my chest, i must blog about the experience today that reminded me to do that public service announcement. i was out shopping and this young-ish black woman-probably mid-thirties was at the department store complaining about a service. i didn't hear the entire story, but what i did hear was that she wasn't as articulate that she needed to be in order to get what the results that she wanted.

black people! don't you realize that when you don't speak properly, or try to mix your ebonics into modern english thinking that the person you're complaining to will care just because you're upset, you're wrong? people immediately write you off mentally and are no longer truly listening to what you're complaining about. it's the difference between "i'm sorry, there's nothing we can do" and "let me get my manager/sure, what i CAN do is..."

i worked in customer service not long ago and black people would call me on the phone complaining about this or that and, i gotta admit that if they were older in age i'd give them the benefit of the doubt and help them. but what i couldn't stand was people from my generation who could not articulate in a professional manner what they wanted. i was like, REALLY? in 2010 a young black person still speaks like they haven't been allowed a proper education?

it's hard for me to have patience for those people. we all have the opportunity to learn proper english and be articulate. and that's the only way we'll truly get what we want.

insult

so, i was out with some white friends last night. we decided to go to happyhour over in the alberta district. i don't mind hanging with the white friends, i mean, i'm so used to it, you know. but i have to say that something that was said got under my skin.

one of the girls started talking about a snoop dog song, i don't remember exactly what she was saying about it, but we were all laughing and drinking and talking. so anyway, i thought the story she was telling was pretty funny, so i started singing the song: '....sippin' on gin and juice...laid back....'. everyone was laughing until one of the girls says, "could you make it sound any whiter?!" and then began laughing hysterically with the others.

so according to her, because i'm black, and singing a rap song, i should sound black when i sing it. i'm not gonna go into the whole sounding white vs. sounding black argument, i've already done that. it was just that....they were laughing at the way i sung it because i'm black. if i were white, no one would have cared that i sang it without...bass in my voice ( i guess that's what you'd call it, per martin lawrence in Bad Boys), or whatever it is that makes black people sound "black".

what is that, anyway?

so no matter how much they consider me their "girlfriend", no matter how much i have inadvertently assimilated into the white culture, they still expect me to be able to just "whip out" the stereotype when they happen to be talking about a rap song. should it matter that i happen to not even like most rap?

however, on the flip side, i 've been with white people before where i did happen to "whip out" the slang talk only because it was apropos, and you would not believe the stares and dropped jaws i get as if to say, "wait a minute... you're black??"

hang out

where do the black people in portland hang out? i've posted before about a similar subject, but really. all the cool places i go, it's just white people. white people, white people, white people. but there ARE BLACK PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN PORTLAND.

and, to be fair, i do see black people here and there. i really do. but i'm talking about the events in NE portland, you know, in the part of town where most black people used to live? i do realize that it's been gentrified. okay, but ...there are still many black people over in the hood. and even if they don't live in the hood anymore....there's nothing going on in the lame 'burbs, so why not hang out over in the "hood"? why not expand your mind a little bit? engage in some culture (shudder///did i just say culture and portland in the same sentence?)

i go to the alberta district for dinner with friends. no black people.

i go to various neighborhood street fairs with kid friendly activities. no black people. okay, there might be 2.

i go to concerts in the park. no black people.

i take my kids to oaks park (carnival, etc). no black people.

i go to a free friday at the portland art museum with my kids. not a one black person. and it's freaking free!

i go to the greek festival with greek food, fun and games. no black people.

i mean, the question is not where are they. i know where they're at. whether still in the hood, or not in the hood, or way far away from the hood, they're at home. or.... the mall? being a dumb consumer?

but the question is not where they are, but WHY don't they come out for fun events in the city? why not make the trek-or not (if they live close-by)? what else could they possibly be doing?

and by the way when i say 'there's no black people', i'm exaggerating a little. i mean as a group. sure, OCCASIONALLY there's a couple sprinkled in. but that doesn't count. it just doesn't.

and black people in portland should represent more than that.

Paisanos

so i'm at the store. a really upscale store in Portland. one of the checkers, who is also black gave me a REALLY hard time when i checked out. i'm talking attitude and all. to make a long story short, he didn't believe that the correct price tag was on my order from the deli.

i said, "no seriously. it's right. i always buy this, and they always mark it this way'. his reply was (abruptly), "and i work here every day". i was pissed. i would have been super pissed had he been white. but yeah, i think maybe i was even more pissed because he was black. i mean come on, dude. i'm black, you're black, what's the big deal. and it wasn't even the black/black thing that got to me(the black/black thing just added insult to injury). it was mostly that it was such a SMALL deal, and people were starting to line up behind me. not to mention that the customer is always right. who freaking cares? i must admit, i would EXPECT that from someone white. i just would. but not so much from someone black.

when he saw the other customers line up behind me, he sighed and said 'fine', that he would honor the price i had told him. i mean, he acted like it was his paycheck on the line or something.

but me, being the sometimes vindictive and passive aggressive person i can be, decided that i was going back over to the deli and straighten it out. it turned out that I WAS RIGHT. he saw me speaking to the deli person and then as i walked past his register i grinned and said, "i was right".
i swore that the day i was calling the store manager and complaining.

my friend said to me that maybe he was having a bad day and not to call, sort of insinuating that well, you know...he's black, i'm black...just leave him be. not so! he didn't seem to care about us being paisanos, why should i?

what would you have done?

defense

[if you are black], have you ever noticed that whenever you tell to a white person about some racial injustice that you've experienced by someone white, the person you're talking to "acts" all upset and starts preaching and going on about how that was just SO WRONG? i'm talking over and beyond a simple comment. it's like they're somehow worried that you'll lump them in with the racists and they want you to know that without a doubt, they're NOT racists.

my husband's family is extremely racist. and whenever the situation comes up in conversation with friends, i never act sad or upset about it- i intentionally don't want anyone to think i'm trying to have a pity party. 'cause i'm most definitely not. but i will bring it up, if the conversation warrants it.i'm not afraid to talk about it. and 9 times out of 10, i'm talking to someone white, and i'm telling them some retarded act that my husbands family has done because of hating black people (me), and my white friends/acquaintances almost choke on their food trying to make sure that i know they are nothing like that. it is actually pretty funny.

it's funny because a white person will never, ever say: 'well, i can see why they didn't want their son to marry a black girl'. but i'd venture to guess that probably 5 out of 10 white people feel the same way as my husbands parents. but of course they'll never say it. so in my mind, the harder they choke trying to convince me how un-racist they are....well, it might just indicate how racist they know their family really is.

and when i tell black people about my husbands parents, they're like: "whaaaat? seriously? whatever. they're idiots".

end of conversation.

touch-up

after leaving the farmers market today, i went to one of my favorite grocery stores. i saw a black woman there with an obvious hair piece. she had her hair all done, her "stylish" outfit on, her name brand handbag. the first thing that went through my head was "hair weave". i mean, not that she didn't look nice, but a black woman can usually spot a hair weave or hair piece a mile away.

but what's the point of wearing a hair weave if it's obvious? every other black woman knows it's a weave. white people rarely know, so maybe that's the idea? i'm not sure. i've never had a weave, and as i waited in line with my own hair pulled back, in need of a touch-up i wondered which was worse: having a hair weave that almost everyone knows is not real or wearing my real hair out when it's obvious that i have new growth and need a touch-up?

granola

lately, i've been feeling like i'm really getting annoyed with the tree-hugging, crunchy granola, save the earth community around me. not that saving the earth is a bad thing-it's a great thing. but most of the time, the people around me (earthy white people) go really overboard with it. i mean, REALLY overboard.

i mean, most of the (white) liberals around me pride themselves on being non-judgmental and spiritual-but-too smart-for religion, etc., but don't let them find out that you didn't recycle your plastics, or that you bought products at a big box store instead of a local spot, or that you don't regularly bring your own reusable shopping bag with you to Whole Foods or New Seasons or People's Co-op( is there anywhere else to shop???). Uh oh, you're the devil, and you're contributing to the earth's demise.

and i don't know if it's just me? i know people love their pets. but why does it seem like oregonians are the only ones who treat their dogs like human beings that must be taken into the stores and restaurants? and don't let them find out you purchased your puppy from a store or a breeder instead of a shelter adoptee. ohhhh no...you're going to hell! wait....they don't believe in hell, or heaven, or god. i guess they'll just consider you a dispicable human being.

i am just finally realizing that it's time for us to consider moving. this liberal, granola mentality is just SO. NOT. ME. and it seems increasingly hard to find people like myself. sure, i'm into saving the earth, or abused dogs. but let's keep it in it's place, people.

i cringe when i see bumperstickers that say "keep portland weird". i cringe because for the most part, portland is not weird. yuppie, granola, yes. but weird? where? there's a small section of people that are weirdos. i'd rather not be lumped into that entire group just by living here.

when i go out, people here don't dress up. i went out to a late night spot in the Alberta district recently. i'd say 90 percent of the people had jeans, clogs, no make-up on, some type of fleece jacket type gear. i actually felt out of place for looking nice.

this place is just not me anymore. i went to the farmers market today, and of course the people were all one-dimensional(all white). as the morning went on i counted 4 more black people. i kept trying to make eye contact with them to make myself feel "okay". and before you say that i have insecurity issues, let me just say that i'm around white people CONSTANTLY. occasionally it would be nice to see more people of color in one place besides a nightclub!

shopping

this week we're celebrating the birthdays of two of my kids whose birthdays are both within weeks of each other. i went shopping last night to stock up on treats and presents when i spotted a white woman in the store with her black boyfriend.

okay question number one: how come whenever someone white(a 'dominant' race) is married to an ethnic person/person of color, they always take on the characteristics or immerse themselves in the culture of the minority race, and not the other way around? i think occasionally i see it, but not as often. there's nothing wrong with it- i even notice it in my marriage. just an observation.

i looked at the black guy she was with, and he did not appear to be that great of a catch. i often wonder what white girls see in the thuggish-ruggish black guys that are SO far from being in my league. i would have higher expectations if i were in the dating scene AND dating a black man. it's just so weird.

she kept looking at me...i don't know what she was thinking. i interpreted the way she was acting around me as her showing off her black man to me, as if to say 'i got one of yours'. if she only knew...i would never date a guy like that. she can have him and then some.

Friendlier

are black people friendly? from MY experience in portland, oregon, some are, but i have ALWAYS found white people easier to receive a smile or a 'hello' back from. i don't mean to give any props to white people or start self-hating here, but i would rather try to dissect why black people aren't as friendly. or at least why they don't give off that friendly 'vibe'. (i don't think white people are better, nor do i want to be white)

some of my readers might be aware of the fact that we moved to the laurelhurst neighborhood but still have our daughter at the hood school, which is now mostly black. there are a few white people sprinkled in, but black students are truly the majority there. at the beginning of the school year, i spent a lot of time on the playground while my kids played. i noticed that while the white parents were busy introducing themselves to the other white parents, immediately forming bonds, the fewer black parents on the playground barely said hello to each other(and that is still the case). one thing was for sure- they weren't itching to get to know the other parents, or discussing what they did for work. as for the white parents, i doubt it had anything to do with the fact that they were the minority trying to band together, because i've noticed this "instant comraderie" at other places where white people are (work, group interviews, expos, supermarket lines, etc).

of course, there are exceptions. i'm not going to presume to know every black person in portland. occasionally i've met a non-threatened black woman who was friendly and outgoing without sizing me up about whether or not i'm bourgeois because i'm light skinned, or because i'm obviously or evidently married to a white man or because i appear more confident than she is. but i'm sorry! those women are few and far between. whenever i've managed to meet and talk with another mother of color, i cherished it.maybe being in portland has something to do with it. i'm not exactly sure. i was born and raised in portland and i can honestly say that in my entire life, it has always been easier to make friends with white people. for example, in school or at school or work the dark skinned black girls (more on that later) were always (okay, not always but 8 times out of 10) distant, mean, unfriendly until time had passed and they got to know me. they would always automatically assume i thought i was better or for whatever reason, disinterested in sparking up a conversation. which, by the way is totally ironic considering that in portland we are such a minority-you'd think we'd want to get to know each other. why are white people so quick to do that? there are a gazillion of them. i'd always instantly make friends with the white girls in school (and even now, although now, i make more of an effort to be the one to befriend other black women), and almost immediately the black girls would start making jokes and poking fun and calling me 'white girl' for hanging around the white girls. yet, the black girls never initiated any type of friendship. they were always too busy calling me 'bougie' and 'white girl wannabe' and other stupid names. in hindsight, i think they were just jealous.

so whether it was my school days, or now in my 30's, it really hasn't changed much. a clerk in a grocery store, someone walking down the street, people i come into contact with on a daily basis- whites are friendlier to me than the black people. 8 out of 10 times, i'd say. black men are friendlier because well....they're black men. they'll say hi because i'm pretty. that's just a man for you. i've never had issues with a black man being mean to me.

maybe the reasons just boil down to numbers. i know there are white people who are mean and distant and unfriendly. perhaps it's just the law of large numbers. since there are so few black people, and so many white people in portland, maybe it's easier to spot the unfriendly ones, and not so easy to spot the unfriendly white people.

let go

of course, making us "cultured" portlanders look so wonderful, someone from the city of roses had to do it.

that's the thing with portland. a lot of the white people like to tell themselves that they're not racist (for lack of a better word....partial maybe?), but really it's just undercover. you know, in the south, people are very up front about what type of people they don't like. but portland, people pride themselves on being liberal, and progressive, yadda yadda. actually for the people who moved into the inner city, it's more about feeling "cultured" while at the same time not truly wanting anything to do with black people.

from what i see, the white people who have flocked to the inner city want to be surrounded by other white people. yet they'll talk all day about how portland has so much culture. it's pretty interesting.

i totally digress.

back to the news article.

i don't understand why so many white people can't seem to just let go. let go of the fact that black people have and will continue to overcome the past oppression. some just refuse to let racism die. why?? it's as though they're still hoping to benefit from black oppresssion and refuse to accept the "possibility" of total equality.

that's not racist

it's taken me a while to become more motivated to write, and yes, here in "white" portland, oregon of course there is always some nonsense to write about.

why is it that white people always feel the need to tell black people what is racist and what's not?
note to white people: if a black person is offended by a (what they consider to be) racial remark, do not attempt to tell them WHY it is NOT racist.

i see this all the time and recently experienced it. my husband and i have a friend who lives nearby, a white woman who we've known for not very long down the block (some of my readers may know that we recently bought a house in the beaumont/alameda neighborhood). she's a great person, she means well, but cannot catch a clue to save her life. she's one of those italians with the really thick, tightly curled hair. i've heard her complain that her hair is 'nappy'. okay, that's fine, maybe so. that doesn't offend me. shoot, it probably is nappy. but she had the nerve to call one of my kids, 'nappyhead'.

that's where i draw the line. i told her that that was racist, that i didn't appreciate it, and she went on to tell me that it 'was not a racist remark' because she too had nappy hair. so that made it okay.

but people in portland somehow feel so open and so "progressive" and so cultural even though it's not really diverse at all. there's the FEELING of diversity because they pass by a black person while jogging, or walking down alberta street. so i think white people think that they can define or determine what is racist talk and what is not.

cesar chavez

i think we all know the real reason why no one wants any streets renamed "cesar chavez blvd". they can claim all they want that money is the issue. mmmmm....that may be part of it. but i guarantee you that even if it didn't cost a thing, people would still be outraged.

there was a segment on the news last night about store owners on broadway street upset about the proposal, arguing that they'd have to rename their stores. yeah right! since when does the name of a business always reflect the street it's on? never! how many "laurelhurst dental" or "rose city this or that" businesses exist outside the heart of that neighborhood?

white people just don't want to admit that they don't want to give "some mexican" any props. they want to keep the negative stigma about mexicans, the same way they like to do with black people. to change a street name to reflect cesar chavez to them would be just....wrong. (eyeroll)

who really cares what the name of a street is??

seriously?

this is a bit off-topic as i like to post about issues surrounding portland oregon, something got under my skin bigtime tonight. so i must post about it.

as i flipped through the channels i stumbled upon CNN'S "Black in America" hosted by Soledad O'brien.
first of all, the title suggests it encompases black people as a whole-as if all black people are experiencing what they're reporting on. and if you don't agree, think about if it were called "White in America". one would assume that this is a show reporting on what it's like to be white in america. and if they constantly aired trailer park trash, pot smoking, uneducated white people, it wouldn't sit well with viewers because it's inherently understood that the entire white race doesn't live that way. even the most ignorant uneducated black person living in the projects watching that would know that. but flip it for a minute. what happens when some white hick redneck living in the sticks of texas watches the show "black in america"? i bet they believe that almost all (if not all) black people act the way they see portrayed on the show.

haven't we overcome? i personally felt like once obama had been elected, we had. sure, there will always be the low class, trashy, gang-banging, etc. black folk, but there are many, many successful, educated, articulate and hardworking black people in america. yet this show, in all the 3 times i stumbled upon it consistently reports on the downtrodden, gang-banging, poverty stricken, high-school dropout, single welfare mama-type black people.

why not report on the upper class black people in america? isn't that being "black in america"? in my cynical mind it appears to be some type of conspiracy to focus on the negative, to keep the bigots and racists believing that all black people live in the slums, uneducated, and so on. maybe it's just more interesting to report on black people like that. maybe a show on the upper-class wealthy black doctors, lawyers, and professionals living life like everyone else doesn't "sell". maybe cnn knows that people like to see negative reporting on black americans. maybe they want to keep the stereotyping alive and well.

you might argue there there are a lot of black people living poorly, lazy and ghetto. perhaps it's true. but how come the show, being called "black in america" only focuses on the negative? if that is what sells and they must do it, why not rename the show something to the effect of "poor black america" so that we know which blacks they're reporting on. Black in america. if we're black, we must be like the struggling people on the show. why must we all be lumped in that title? i know way too many black people who aren't even close to the type of people they report on.
Soledad is such a tool.

cursed

first of all....yay obama!

but, i think black people are a cursed people. i told my mother this and she simply rolled her eyes and started preaching to me about how of course we're not cursed. i don't say 'cursed' in a way to mean that we are some substandard nonhumans. we are of course just like everyone else. i even took a black history class in college which addressed this subject due to the myth that some racist people feel black people are cursed. the class of course 'dispelled the myth'. we talked about where the myth came from.... the cain and abel story, how god told cain he would be a wanderer and cursed, etc., etc. we talked about the fact that that did not apply to the black race.

but what if it does? seriously. the way black people have always been oppressed, mistreated, judged and on and on. we've always had such a hard time. so different from other races. our hair is nappy---yes, we've learned to love it, we've risen above the oppression but throughout history, we've been so hated. why are we the only ones in the world with nappy hair? again black people have learned to deal with it, but it wouldn't be my first choice if it were somehow possible to scientifically change my hair type.

i don't mean in any way to say that black people-that we are bad people. but the fact that we've always had so much to overcome and still have a ways to go makes me think that we've been cursed.

and no, despite my blog, i don't hate myself or my race. i'm just looking at the black experience objectively.

au naturel

i have a black girlfriend who wears her hair natural. sometimes it's in twists, sometimes it just...there. lately her hair has been looking kind of....rough. and i feel like bringing it up somehow, that maybe it would look a little better if she did this or that to it. i feel weird about it because my hair relaxed. i don't want to give the impression that the only reason why i think it doesn't look good is because it's not relaxed. granted, i honestly don't like the way natural hair looks-sad, i know. there's just not much you can do with it, besides braids, twists or a 'fro. what if those are my style?

i digress.
i just think she could care for it differently to make it look better in it's natural state. for some reason though, i just feel like i don't have the right to say anything because i'm not "natural". I honestly put that in the same category as a white person telling a black person how to style their hair. how dare i try to give her tips and advice when i've never worn my hair natural?

white girl-again

i got called "white girl" again. by now i'm used to it. that's just who i am, obviously. i'm a black woman who is always mistaken for someone who think she's white. that's the perception of me and i've accepted that although i don't agree with it.

i got called that by someone who has no college education, and she only eats fattening soul food (because of course, eating healthy is for white folks, right?). by the way, i can't stand when black people refuse to make healthy changes in their lives because they're afraid it's too "white".

last night i lay in bed and thought about the fact that my whole life--- my WHOLE LIFE i've been labeled as 'trying to act white' and i 'talk white'. but what i couldn't really figure out is WHY. why do i sound white when i talk? i'm not talking about just speaking proper english. i know plenty of black people that speak proper english but when i hear them, they still sound (stereotypically) "black" to me. but when i talk, i truly sound like a white person. if someone heard me talking on the phone who had never met me, without a doubt they'd think i were white. maybe i just don't have that 'bass' in my voice, as a character in a Will Smith movie once said.

i mean, i could blame it on my (white) city/environment, but then what about the other black people here who don't sound like me? so i'm not sure why i sound the way i do. and i don't even have to try to sound "white". i just do. ironically, i have to make an effort to sound black. how weird is that?

and despite what the people who have called me "white girl" may think, i have never tried to attract white friends because of the way i talk. however, i do think that the way i talk inadvertently attracts white people to me ( more than to other black women) which is likely why i have so many white friends.

the way i talk just feels so normal to me. people think i'm trying to talk this way, which is just not true.

stamps

i went to the post office today. i went to the window and asked the guy if he could mail my two pieces of mail and that i also needed to buy about 10 stamps. normally, i'm not picky about the stamps i buy. i like any black heritage usually. but i really DON'T care. they're just stamps.

but for some reason today, i was a little...what-irritated, i guess? the guy hands me sheet with "Kwanzaa" and some emblem on the stamps. since i don't do Kwanzaa, i just didn't really want those. i know, i know. who cares? i usually don't. so i told the man, 'eh....can i get some other stamps?' he hands me some stamps with Arabic writing. i think it was some type of Arabic holiday type stamp. no, i did not really want those either. wtf?

then he hands me some Hanukkah type of stamp. i guess he figured since i turned down the "black" and the middle eastern holiday stamps, i must just want a Hanukkah stamp. i thought he must of just been trying to piss me off. or not.

i guess i do care what type of stamp i buy. i mean, if i don't "subscribe" to Kwanzaa, why would i want that on my mail? i mean, would a (serious) jew want christmas stamps? i have no idea. i guess i just don't want my mail to do any other speaking for me than what's already in the envelope.

i finally just settled on some plain, usps stamps.

ads

i was bored at work yesterday and decided to peruse through Yahoo "personals", just for fun. i think it's interesting and fun to see who in my age group is desperate enough to use that service, and also who i may recognize. so i set the search options for male, 33-45 years old, african-american, portland-vicinity. i was shocked but no, not really that shocked at the prospects that came up.

the most interesting thing to me was that most of these black men lived in the outskirts, such as beaverton, tigard, and aloha. i didn't know there were that many black men living out there...but i guess with the gentrifying white yuppies taking over the inner northeast, there aren't a lot of choices left except for the outskirts for some blacks.

i also noticed that the prospects- about 108 of them, were pretty pathetic looking. i mean, i realize that not every black man in the portland area does yahoo personals, but the ones who do do it look pretty raggedy(sorry!). most of them were physically unattractive looking. a lot of them had pseudo-names like "sly" or "slick cat". some of them looked like thugs. one of them had a tag line that read: 'when i love, i love with my whole heart and when i hate, it's forever'. what the hell!!?? the rest of the tags lines from the other men weren't much better.

i looked at the ads objectively, like, if i were "looking", who i'd pick. not a ONE. they all basically looked raggedy. i know, i know, you can't judge a book by it's cover. but when people place those ads, the "cover" is what they're banking on.

my impression of those guys was that they were definitely the picked-over leftovers. although i didn't peruse the white guy ads, but i'd venture to guess it was the same deal. it made me really glad that i am married and NOT in the dating scene looking for a black man. i'd be pretty depressed if i were.