Sunday, October 15, 2006

My most recent comment

'Are you serious? I sincerely hope this entire blog is a joke. If it isn't, you should really seek therapy, if not for your sake, than the sake of your children'.

it's a little ironic that someone left me this comment, because last night i was thinking about how this blog probably makes me sound SO insecure. i must seem like some snobby, insecure, self-hatin' woman.

well, i'm not. here's the thing. i wanted this blog to be an outlet where i could write about things from way deep down that i know other people feel, but no one wants to share that side. oh, come on. you mean, deep down, you've never thought your nose was too big, or your hair sucked, or you felt jealous or spiteful?

most people with a blog of faithful readers don't want to open that side up. I mean, who does? people dont just go around talking about how they wonder why their skin color is what it is and how they think it has affected them. but we're all human. we ALL have insecurities to one degree or another (and don't tell me you don't ).

I don't need therapy, i grew up with both my parents still married, traveled all over with them, graduated from college, and now i'm in a good, healthy relationship with my husband and kids. there's nothing WRONG with me. this i know.

but i still sometimes wonder about things or think things that are not so easy to just say to someone. So here it is. i will try though, not to come across as so insecure.


Heidi said...

I started reading this blog because I love that you share the "other side." Sharing your insecurities is a way of becoming comfortable with yourself -- talking about them rather than hiding them -- and for your audience to become comfortable with you. One of your previous commenters said you should wear your hair how YOU like it, and I wanted to add that one of my favorite sayings is from physicist Richard Feynman's wife: What do you care what other people think? I try hard to keep that saying in mind...

j-geek said...

I completely agree. The other side is what keeps me coming back to this blog. Keep it up.

Funky Mariama said...

There are a litany of things that I want to say to you without judgment and with respect in mind, but I have limited time to say them (and I don't want to clog things up here). Here goes:
1) Understand that when you blog, you open yourself up to criticism, both constructive and not-so-much. If you want folks to blow smoke up your rear, then go private.
2) Lots and lots of bloggers put themselves out there, so to speak. I do on my own blog (and I do not lack in the insecurity department and would never claim to be a fully secure mama...yet), and I have blogger friends who do so, as well. And yes, I'm Black and my best blogger buddy is Black as well. We talk about race, we deal with it as Black mothers, we deal with it as Black people. You'd be surprised, as you and I have similar family structures, but there is a tactful way to work through those issues. Debasing the way other Black folks carry themselves isn't a real constructive way to "keep it real" on ones' blog.
3) Coming from a 2-parent family and having gone to college doesn't negate ones need for therapy. Being Black in America is cause, in and of itself for therapy. Have you ever read bell hooks, by chance? FWIW, you insinuate that anything but coming from a 2-parent household, being in a stable relationship with children, being educated and well-traveled is somehow 'less than'. There's a real, unspoken problem with that train of thought, but for space issues, I'll just leave it at that.
4) You claim to not see color, but in one post you're coming down hard on a Black woman who happened to be have a different fashion sense than you, claiming that "we" need to be more presentable. You also claim to take notice of how others see you and your husband and you dress accordingly. Sis, that ain't healthy or being colorblind.

You don't seem snobby, you seem....insecure and in need of someone to relate to in terms of what you're going through in your life. Nothing wrong with that, nothing wrong with blogging about it. I can certainly relate, but I certainly CANNOT get down with a fellow Black woman just trying to "be honest" and cutting down "our folk" in the same typed breath. That is all.

Dee said...

I find it ironic that a few posts ago, you said you were tired of the black thing being such a "thing", yet that seems to be the very basis for your blog. Writing about the behavior of one mother at your preschool, how is that constructive? Instead of being so judgmental about the “black experience” of others, why not do something positive? Become a mentor for young black people in your community. Or just be, set an example that your children and other children, black, brown, or white, can follow.


A “militant, unassimilated, natural hair having, brown skinned, jealous of light skinned sistahs", sista.

D said...

grrrrrr.... i started reading your blog a few weeks ago, and i'm going from newest backwards... and i wish i saw progress (in reverse)... but you're still in the same spot in 2007 as you were in 2006. i suppose that's not very long... whatever you (or i) cannot change about ourselves... is something to totally accept. what IS within our control... is what we make conscious decisions to change (if we want).

but it seems like some of the stuff within your control... you detest... but have accepted... and have resigned to be miserable. : ( and some of the stuff you can't change, you secretly want to. one is futile, the other is self flagellation.

there are two things within your control that will make you feel better, if my psychology classes and pop-self-help knowledge are correct... first is to realize what you cannot change, and totally accept it. realize what is out of your control, and deal with that. second is to realize what IS within your control, and focus your energy there. like a laser.

although in blog world you're a little neurotic and that drives me a little nuts, i'm guessing you wouldn't so much in real life, and it's giving me a chance to talk about a topic that i didn't grow up with much exposure to, but have grown into a concern for...

so i hope a year from now, you're not still beating yourself up like this! actually, it's the other threads you beat yourself up in, and threads like this where you pretty much say you accept that you've got issues like we've all got issues, and come here to process it. maybe this helps control it... but how about eliminating your insecurities altogether? it's possible. with as much time and energy as you put into this, and as willing as you are to reflect, i'm pretty sure you could get a massive turnaround in this area with half an effort. i think i'm going to jump on the 'therapy for tbg' bandwagon : ) not because you need it... but because it would make you happier, with less insecurity about stuff that doesn't/shouldn't really matter. i'm sure you're a wonderful person, it would just make you wonderfuller.