my husband is white. and while i see no color, i know everyone else does (well, MOSTLY everyone else). in my single days, i was one of those people who'd see a woman with her husband and think "what is wrong with her letting him dress like a slob in public? (oh, yeah.) can't she get him to look GQ since she looks so good?"
There's some naivete for you. so, fast forward 12 years or so, and i know better. i cant tell you how many times i've gone out and bought my husband something really GQ-ish and he may like it, but not enough to wear it. and we'd get ready to leave the house and he had on a t-shirt and some funky ol' jeans. when i'd nag him about changing clothes, he'd say nevermind and go watch TV.
But i digress.
actually, i think i'm a little more anal about it because we're interracial. i feel like, when we go out, we already stand out, and i always feel a little self conscious that we look like a couple of misfits who attracted each other. that sounds silly but people always want to see the perfect couple. you know, they're both beautiful, they both have the same skin color, they're both stylish and similar. but my husband and i are about as opposite looking as you can get. i'm short and brown, while he's tall and white.
i at least want to look good together so even if people think we look like opposites, we don't look like freak misfits. when we go out together, i'm always conscious about how we look. for the black people we see, i want him to look somewhat prosperous and clean cut (heaven forbid i marry a cornball white guy with no money and no style,what sense is that?) . and for the white people, i want to look clean, assimilated, and goody-goody (heaven forbid this handsome white man marry some raggedy, slang talkin', big bootied black girl from the ghetto). I always assume that people are thinking these things about interracial couples, even though they're not true in my case.
i'm insecure about that. i know. and even after 12 years, i'm still lots better than i was 12 years ago. we'd go to malls in a mainly white area, and i'd be running out of there in tears. white people seemed the give the dirtiest looks at us. at the black malls, black people would give us a curious look, like, hmmmmm...now how did that happen? which, the black looks were still better than the cold evil what-would-a-white-man-see-in-you stare. now, i know better than to go out to places like Washington Square Mall (aka white city). it's not that i can't handle it, because i can. i'd just rather not subject myself to it if i dont have to.