Friday, October 20, 2006

Me and my un-nappy hair

went to get the hair relaxed today. i think the older i get the more i just want to go natural. i'm not even satisfied with the way it looks half the time when it's relaxed. why does it have to be such a big. deal. to go natural?

well, for starters, it doesnt help when your hair stylist is talking about another black woman (who wears her hair natural) and calls her nappy headed. yes, our hair is nappy, but why is that BAD??

see, that's what i'm talking about. and i think at this point in my life i'm too self conscious to be talked about by my own race, let alone the stares from white people.

i called my husband at work to see what he would think if i cut off all of my hair and went natural-not in a boy style, super, super short, but maybe a couple inches long with texturizer. he's fine with it. no problem whatsoever.

i just dont know if i can take that leap. i just dont think i would look like me. ME. i know that i'm getting closer to doing something natural, because i'm at least thinking about it now, and this time last year it was out of the question. but in all other aspects, i'm a natural girl. i hate shelling out 60 bucks every 6 weeks to only be halfway satisfied. i've done it since i was 14!


Dee said...

Finally, blogger is letting me comment. Anyway...You’re right, what’s wrong with nappy hair? I am always surprised how many people tell me that they couldn’t go natural. Why not? Do these folks think they were born with their hair relaxed? Part of the reason that I went natural was b/c I, like you, couldn’t imagine spending the rest of my life going to the beauty parlor and getting a relaxer! I hate spending my whole Saturday getting my hair done. Hate it. I first went completely natural (no texturizer), 4 years ago. I have relapsed and gotten a relaxer twice. Hated it and cut it off within 6 weeks both times. I realized that once my natural hair starts to get too long, it’s frustruating for me b/c I like to wash and go. So, I’m rockin’ a super short boy cut and it looks pretty fierce if I do say so myself. Why don’t you think you would look like you? Good for you for thinking about it though. Here are a few resources that you might find helpful:

Anonymous said...

Based on your comments calling black neighborhoods "ghetto", marrying a white man, not wanting to call yourself African-American, not wanting nappy hair, you have issues with being black.

Of course you will deny it, but ask yourself why so many people are viewing you this way. Just examine yourself. It's very hard as a black American, not to have some level of self-hatred. After all self-loathing has been instilled in our culture for centuries.

I think in addition to loving your husband, you are attracted to white skin, white hair, and you wanted things to be better for your children and that's why you chose a white man.

I don't mean this in a cruel way: if you aren't in therapy, you should be to deal with these issues. You also need to take some college courses on African-American history and African history. I strongly suggest you begin with two books 1. The African Origin of Civilization by Cheik Anta Diop, 2. World's Greatest Men and Women of African Descent. You also should Google Runoko Rashidi and read his works, as well as and

I'm very sorry if this offends you but you seriously need an education in black consciousness studies.

Pyo said...

Hi Black Girl, Hello there, Hello Dee,
I'm so thrilled to meet you Black Girl, I too am a black woman thirties living with a white man and having (guess what? lol) a biracial girl. Well, I don't call her biracial, I just say she's mixed (m├ętisse in French).
I went natural by accident some 7 years ago, I was just fed up with the sicken aspect of my hair and I felt that my natural hair was beautiful nad just willing to show it. So when time was up for a fresh relaxer I just chop the relaxed end off and never looked back. I can see you're close to that point too, don't be shy, take the nappy road, you don't need a hairdresser, you don't need a relaxer, trust yourself, your boys will be so proud of you, and you'll be proud too, you'll feel pretty and blessed!
Check the sites mentioned above, thy are also my favourites : lots of info and inspiration!
Check mine too, it's in French but I hope you'll be able to read it
or at least check my hairstyles on my photo album, my hair is longer now then when I chopped it off in 1999, and I still look good ;o)

Looking forward to reading you,


Anonymous said...

I too went natural about 14 years ago. Of course I had a couple of minor relapses – actually I did the texturizer thing a few times – but have stuck to my “natural” state overall. Currently, I decided to do braids for the 2006 year. I call it “the year of the braids”. I did sista locks (a.k.a dreads) about 7 or 8 years back. Loved them, but couldn’t get them quite the way I wanted so chopped it down and started anew. Truth be told, I'll be glad when this year is over so I can go back to my short natural, maybe a little texturizer and be low maintenance once again.

The great thing about going natural is you can always start over whenever you like. I have a friend that went natural some three years back. She just decided to stop getting the touch-ups and do twisties. As her hair grew, she cut more of the relaxer off the ends. It works for her. Today her hair is on her shoulders, all natural and she looks good. Occasionally she gets a press & curl just to remember what it’s like to have straightness to her hair, but quickly lets that fall by the wayside.

It’s a scary thing and I’m the first to admit it. Cutting all your hair off, having people ask the dumbest questions (like why did you do that?), [white] coworkers look at you funny and not know what to say, etc etc. Be prepared for Black folks, specifically women, to make dumb comments like “I would do that, but I just don’t have the face for it. Oh don’t worry, you do, I just don’t”. Trust me, after awhile you either ignore them or do what I did – tell them I don’t think they have the face for it either, thank God I have the [Black] face He blessed me with so it’s okay. LOL LOL LOL

Please let us all know what you decide. Don’t rush yourself, think it through and make certain it’s what you want. Finally, keep in mind: it’s only hair and it will grow back!

Anonymous said...

Hi. I was Googling natural hair texturizers online and I just happened to find your blog.

I am 23, and I stopped relaxing my hair about 8 months ago because I couldn't stand getting it relaxed anymore... I have very, very coarse hair so every 4 weeks, I HAD to get it done... not to mention that I have very sensitive scalp and the relaxer dried it out, leaving me with a dandruff problem that is simply heinous. So I just thought one day, "That's it. No more." I will never relax my hair again.

These past few months have been... trying. I did not cut my hair because... I don't have the strength too. All my life I have had long hair and I simply could never imagine myself with short hair. It's not me. So I understand your dilemma, believe me. Several times I was tempted to just relax it again, but so far, I have remained strong. I intend to have my hair in two-strand twists all time once it is long enough and my scalp heals... that is what I used to do as a teenager and I rather miss the look.

A few weeks ago, at Wal-Mart, I found an interesting product, from Soft & Beautiful (the Just For Me! line).
It's called "Naturally Gentle Texture Softener" and what it does is simply soften the texture of your hair, working with it (not strip and change it's structure, like relaxers do). I simply love this stuff (I know, it's for kids, but it works for me just as well!). I would like to suggest this using this product to you as a possible alternative, especially if you don't to cut all of your hair off in order to start fresh... you could texturize for a few months and cut the relaxed ends off later... Or you just might decide to keep doing that and style your hair in a manner that is closer to your natural texture... just a little easier to manage.

Also, here a website that sells "Natural Relaxers" a wonderful transitioning tool... a bit more expensive, but take a look anyway:

I assure you, you will fall in love with website as I did.

I hope you find this helpful, and good luck in your endeavors!

~Rose Emmanuella

Anonymous said...

I'm 33yrs old and have been natural for 3 years. I've been wearing a half wig with a band around the front while my natural hair grows.

Now my hair is long enough to do something with. My problem is that I don't have a very large selection of hairstyles. I do know that perms burn your hair out.

I came across the "Just for me,Texture Softener" I had to research it b/f I put that in my head and I found out that IT"S STILL A PERM.

The "CALCIUM HYDROXIDE" & the "GUANIDINE CARBONATE" makes it a perm, just leave it in a while longer and it will straighten your hair just like the rest of the perm family.

It's a shame they don't put this on the box, but if you want to stay natural you really don't want this junk in your hair.

Anonymous said...

so i have been natural for about a year and i came across the just for me Texture Softener also... only thing is that i put it in my head and you are right, it is stright like a perm.. so now i have to start over.. i was hoping it was going to wash out but i guess you live and learn...

Tabulee said...

I'm a white girl with curls and recently found this site. No more flat-irons for me!

Anonymous said...

I went natural July 2006, my husband being white hated my non straight hair. I got tired of what my perm represented and I wondered if he wanted the best of both worlds (black woman with long straight hair) in the end, when I got over my insecurities, I realize he just likes long hair just like I love pizza, nothing to do with race. (what ever reason why you are with a white man doesn't matter, he is yours and you better love him. I got with mine for the wrong reason, to prove I can get a white man, but God turned it around, he is the best thing to ever come into my life). Every time I went for a relaxer, (like you getting a style I hated but because of the perm and burn, I was limited.) I felt like a white girl rushing for the hair dye because my "roots" were showing. Well I visited roshini's site a lot and got a lot of inspiration from her. I read a few books about our culture and realized, this is what grows out of my head, this is me. Perms are unhealthy, and damaging. so one day I left the house and came back with 1 inch of hair and I smiled. I felt good and free. Water feels good running down your scalp in the heat. I have a new confidence. Too many weaves are around and not enough natural. Even Tyra Banks wants to go natural but the expectations of people hold her back. One day hopefully before she's 40 she'll do it, in private and weave it out in public. I have gone through many stages in my hair. It has grown so fast and with the right product it is manageable. I use paul mitchell t-tree once a month to clean my hair and the rest, no poo. Thats when you wash with only conditioner. Conditioner has cleaning detergent in it like shampoo but it will keep the natural oils in and get rid of excess. I use a creamy cholesterol conditioner to wash with and and natural oils to rub into my hair, I do not grease my scalp. That only cloggs the pores. my hair is so soft and spirally. I have no beady beads on the back of my neck. The texture is so thick and fine. I am not mixed raced, my mom is not indian. I have good hair and its beautiful. Black women just do not know how to manage there hair because they think its suppose to be straigt trying to do the white thing and end up pulling and breaking the strands. Thats why the hair doesn't grow in its natural state, not because its "nappy". Our hair can grow down to the toes if you do it right, look at the sisters with dreads. Straight hair is beautiful, don't get me wrong, I will press it eventually for my man and for myself. Just learn to be confident and comfortable in who you are.
You do not need to see a shrink, you just need good friends and support. It is hard to get rid of old habits. I am 27 yrs old. I only wish I went natural sooner.

Anonymous said...

The reason people with dreads can grow such long hair is because the hair that would normally fall out stays in the dred. In fact if you stopped combing your hair it would eventually become dredslocks.I do agree that black hair is nice but I doubt that it can grow to your toes. Also did anybody ever think that some black poeple dont call themselves African-American because they are not? I am a Afro-Carribean because I do not have any American in my family.

D said...

Besides the one post totally off topic, everybody above me recommended going natural, or more natural.

White women do all kinds of unnatural stuff to their hair, and I don't like it... and I'll say the same for black women... it's just my preference, but I think natural is better almost every time... no matter what that is. Work with what god gave 'ya. : )

So have you done it? Because you were positive in your tone, and because there weren't any negative posts above me that got me in a cranky mood, and because I've got this "rooting for TBG to love herself" thing building up since I've been blogging here the last couple of weeks... it's almost like I know you, and I'm excited that you might take the leap soon... or I can't remember if you already did.

Anyway, that's what I'm talking about... keep it up!

Natural is beautiful... the real you is beautiful. Obviously, I didn't mean it THAT way because you're married, but still... I think this would be a good move for you. : )

JD said...

I went natural about two years ago. I love it and I actually like the way my hair looks for the first time in my life! My husband (who is white) loves it , too. I get compliments on it at least once a week (which NEVER happened during all the creamy crack years). Now that my hair is healthy, it looks the way it's supposed to look, and I think that's what I and other people like about it.

Anonymous said...

Hi well I'm 14 years old. I know what our probably thinking "What's this 14 year old have to say?" But hear me out. Well today I was going to use Just for Me Texture Softenerbut my mom didn't let me because she is very spectacle about hair products and things i use in my hair. The only reason I want to use it is because I have shoulder length hair very very thick and course. By the way I'm not "African-American" I'm Haitian. Okay back to my hair I honestly have to take my whole entire day to handle my hair it takes me forever to just wash it, then i have to blow dry it which is impossible...and sometimes straighten. Straightening is the only easy way i find that makes it easier to just style my hair. I want to find another way then straightening because when i get my hair wet or go to the pool or its just a humid day it doesn't last. Also i think that I straighten my hair to much and its getting really brittle so it falls out... I just want to know tips or anything that might help me do my hair a lot easier to handle but will not hurt my hair in any way or use harsh chemicals? My mom is very worried about that because she used to relax her hair and just last year she went natural because the relaxer was causeing her dry scalp and losing her hair. It is not necessary that the product or method makes my hair straight just easier to handle so it doesn't take me hours to just style it and water resistant. I am not willing to relax my hair after all of these stories I have read about it. Please help.

Anonymous said...

well im white an i totally think you should go natural... i think it would be well cool... plus i bet it would save a load of money! i dont know how much a relaxer costs coz i never got 1 but i was lookin at gettin my hair straightened and it was crazzzzzzzzzy money!! anywoo i think you should totally go for it... try somethin new its jsut hair if ya dont like it it will grow back ;)

Pressed4Time said...

I am a 38 year old Afro-Caribbean who has gone natural 4 times. My hair was first relaxed when I was about 14 and stayed that way until I was about 28. Then I went natural to braids to pressing to relaxer and around and around again. It's quite a bit of drama. You may ask why anyone would do this repeatedly. Well, the short answer is time. My job keeps me busy so that I have very little time to spend on my hair. I'm constantly trying to find an easy style that looks decent. My hair is only about earlobe to just shy of shoulder length and I have had no luck in finding a style that looks good as a natural with this hair length. So I got back on the treadmill 2 weeks ago and tried the texturizer. It didn't really take so I'm still natural. Natural hair is beautiful when handled properly. Otherwise its a dull, dry, frizzy mess. We need more natural hair stylist around that can teach us how to style our hair and love it. Even in the NY area there are not many and the ones that are around are why too pricy.

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dolcedolore said...

I know it's been a long time since the last post, but...

I'm a 26-year-old Caribbean woman, with a head full of natural hair that I manage on a daily basis. When I was 13, I had been begging my mother to let me relax my hair for about 7 years. Of her 4 daughters, my hair was the most kinky, most "nappy", most difficult to manage. I finally got it straight, and relished in the attention I got for about 4 years, as my thick, shiny mane turned into a brittle, dull, stringy resemblance. Shortly before my 18th birthday, I cut my hair really low, to about an inch or so, and fell in love with the freedom it gave me, even though the line of suitors grew shorter. I cut off all the relaxed bits the following week, and never looked back. I was free!

Now, I've had my natural hair for just over 8 years. I usually wear it in small two-strand twists that I do myself -- yes, it takes 6 to 8 hours, but it's like a good dose of self-love every 3 weeks that no one can argue with or make me feel shameful of (unlike the other kind of self love). While I was working in DC for a year, I was pressed for time, and decided to have my hair blown out by a professional for a big company event. It cost $35, took 75 minutes, and made me feel so different. I went back for "that feeling" 5 or 6 times over the year, but stopped when my hair started breaking at the hairline and in the middle of the back - just like when it was relaxed.

Thankfully, I'm back in my home country now, and within walking distance of the best natural hair care studio there is -- funny how DC, claiming to be the "Chocolate City" of the USA didn't have any affordable AND good natural hair care, and trust me when I say I walked miles in search of one. Apart from needing to get back to my roots (no pun intended) and to help my aging parents and enterprising sisters, I quickly grew tired of the frivolous, superficial way of life I was becoming engrossed in. I made acquaintances from all over the world, of all races, religions and backgrounds (the USA is wonderful for this, especially DC), but real friendships were just as hard to identify as good hair care... for me.

About the "Texture Softener," I was googling for feedback on it's results when I found this page. I was contemplating a texturizer for the 100th time, despite being advised against it by friends, hair professionals, and an oncologist(I had two occurrences of cancer at 19). After reading the ingredients list on the manufacturer's website, and having seen what sodium hydroxide can do to a backed up toilet, I'm pretty sure I'll be visiting that hair studio tomorrow for advice on my other option - free flowing, God-given, natural dreadlocks.

I hope the blogger for this site made a decision, and found some solace in the mirror, for black women are some of the strongest, most beautiful human beings on the planet. My two cents? A woman's hair is her crowning glory, and should be a reflection of her self-pride and her soul. Do whatever you want with your hair, but do it for YOU and you will be satisfied with it.

Good luck to you all!