Friday, November 03, 2006

Self portrait

I just wanted to acknowledge all the recent comments. Some were harsh, telling me that I need to check myself, educate myself. Most comments have been really encouraging, if I could give those commenters a big hug through the computer I would.

Also, I wanted give props to this site that one of the commenters left, a site about our hair. It's actually a website in French, but the link is the site translated through It's really a great site (the hair site).

The thing is, I know how ignorant, or immature, or insecure or uneducated I sound (I have taken black history classes in college). One commenter told me that I have issues. And you know what? I do have issues. About race, about my place in the community, about fitting in and perception of me. And if you don't, if you're lucky enough to have that strong personality trait where you couldn't care less about what others think, I envy you. I don't want to care so much about what others think, but I do. I just do.

This is why I started this blog. I needed an outlet. Sometimes my thinking/perspective is probably off a little. But that's me, and I'm trying just get it out there. I know I'm not the only insecure black woman out there. I know I'm not the only one who has a mental struggle about my hair, my skin, my features daily. It's not to say I'm not confident. It's not easy being the minortiy. I'm one of those young black women you see at the store who seems confident, looks good, fits in. But you never know how people really feel. And this may sound contradictory but I am very confident in who I am. I truly am confident and insecure at the same time.

I wish I could say that this blog will inspire someone. Maybe inadvertently it will. I just wanted to be able to write about what I think and feel, straight up.


Anonymous said...

Keep writing. Portland needs to hear your voice loud and clear.

Pyo said...

OHHHH! Thank you so much for mentionning my site! I feel compelled to update it now ...

It's always a pleasure to read you, I hope your husband will take advantage of his natural advantages and have a bigger share of the corporate America's sun (I feel what you say is SO true, even here in France!)


Skeezix said...

This is the great thing about blogs, you can write to your hearts content and see how people respond.

I know it is difficult fitting in to situations or groups because of whatever is holding us back but I have to tell you, your skin, your hair and your features are what God made you to be on the outside.

After reading several of your posts I can tell what's on the inside and I see a genuine caring person.

I can tell you fitting in is not necessarily a race issue it is a personality issue. I know this because both my dad and I have struggled with this issue (I am white). I believe that the answer is to stop looking inward to find something that you can sell to people in the hopes of winning them over.

Look at Martin Luther King Jr., he did not seek people to like him. He stood up for an ideology and people came along side him and accepted him because he stood for something bigger than himself.

Do you think we would remember fondly a Dr. King who tried to get everyone to like him? No way! We remember Dr. King because he stood for basic human rights and he would not waiver nor step down from his position.

My challenge to you is to stop looking for personal acceptance in others. It does not matter if people are sincere or not about the way they feel about you. It doesn't even matter how they feel about you. You need to find an ideology that is bigger than yourself and focus on that. It is when we look outside ourselves that God shows us what is truly important.

I also wanted to let you know that because we are human and we are not perfect, we will tend to fall back into life patterns that we are familiar with whether good or bad. So when you have these feelings of insecurity, just think about your ideology or look to a great leader like Dr. King as a role model for getting outside yourself.

Thanks, I have enjoyed your blog. I hope to read more.

Skeezix said...

I don't know the key to success, but the key to
failure is trying to please everybody. - Bill Cosby