Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Pick-ups

what is it with black guys and their pick-up techniques?? seriously. i'm married, so it makes no difference to me, but still. it's so stupid. it's like everywhere they go is an automatic, virtual meat-market pick-up opportunity. ev.ery.where.


i went to the lloyd center mall yesterday after work. i looked tired, i'm sure, but evidently that didn't matter. even if i did look hot, why do black men always act like anytime and anyplace is fine to try to pick-up a woman?



' 'sup girl'. 'hey, how you doin'?' 'whashow name?' 'hey pretty lady'. ugh. come onnnnnn. DO I REALLY LOOK LIKE YOUR TYPE?

i'm not minimizing the fact that people like to meet people. that's fine and all. but what I notice, here in portland is that a lot of the black guys act like everywhere they go is a "mackin'" opportunity, something i really don't notice white guys doing. and i'm not trying to insult black men and praise white men, i just really think it's worth discussing.


albeit, these guys are usually the "scrubs" type of guy who is basically a loser (or at least appears to be). but my point is not the fact that they're scrubs-we all know those guys exist. i'm talking about the fact that wherever they go-whether it's the store, the doctor's office, the mall, walking down the street, etc., etc., they feel the need to try to get the hook-up with a woman that they find attractive.


maybe i'm just being a snob. but so what. black people sort of have this unspoken thing, here in Portland where when we see each other in the store we nod, just to kind of acknowledge each other. or, we used to. i don't think it's as common as it used to be when there were fewer of us living here. and, i'm just not into that anyway. so what if i'm black and you're black and we're in the store at the same time? the only time i really make an effort at that is if i happen to be out in outskirts of portland where there are so few black people that it's scary. if i see one of us out there, i'll definitely acknowledge them. for out and about around portland, i might give a friendly smile to another black woman, but usually not another black guy-'cause they only take it as an attempted pick-up. and then, i never know if the black men who are asking me- a passerby, 'how i'm doing' if they're trying to pick me up, or if they're doing that acknowledgment thing. why can't they just smile ? is that too "soft" for a black man? the acknowledgement thing is definitely a portland thing because back east and down south, there are so many black people that it's just no big deal to see a fellow black person.

my point is this do white guys do this? are they any more respectable when it comes to this thing? 'cause honestly, i've never been hit-on like that by a white man or seen a white man walking around at the mall or the park asking "what's up" to every good-looking girl they see. maybe in the nightclubs, but never out and about at the grocery store. my husband is white and we met among friends. so i honestly don't know if this is a ghetto black guy thing or if white guys are just as bad. sure, white men might be on the lookout for a new girlfreind, but it seems like there's a cultural difference in the way they go about finding her.

so, here's my final point. pick-ups are fine. for the "whassup girl" type pick ups, save it for the nightclubs. i figure anyone who's at a nightclub is looking for that type of person anyway. and for black men who might see a SINGLE woman at the grocery store (or wherever), and MUST try to pick her up, they should just try smiling.

25 comments:

Terell said...

I am not sure how I feel about your comments regarding brothas trying to holler. On one level I think I perceive a disdain for black men of a certain socio-economic class. On another I think you are making a point about some black men being overly aggressive when you are out and about.

With regards the comment "so what if I'm black and you're black and we're in the store at the same time?". I got to tell you I look for black people to speak when I am out and about. It is in part because there are so few of us in Portland. However it is also in part because we are black and that suggests a connectedness to me. The title of one of your blog categories,"It's a black thing", suggests that you get that on some level.

-T

Brian Moon said...

I'm a white man, and I hardly ever pick up women when I'm out and about. I'll smile and nod, or if I'm feeling particularly confident I'll make a comment about something, a compliment or something about the weather. But it's rare.

And I've never considered that it might be a white thing for me. I just assumed it was because people in Portland are friendly but shy. When I'm in the South I know that people are much more outgoing about talking to strangers, and I liked that when I was living in Austin, TX... but then I moved back to Portland and now I miss all that simple social interaction.

Because I liked all that conversation, I'm trying to do that more, and it's interesting to see people's responses to my breaking the ice more often. And it's true that I'm more likely to speak up to an attractive woman... but I also talk to other people, too. So even though I'm deep-down hoping that once in a while I might go an extra step with a hot girl... mostly I'm doing it to have normal conversations with folk in my neighborhood.

Perhaps your reaction to the black men is because you think they're just singling out women, or just black women, or just attractive women? Would you feel differently if they did that to everyone? I'm not saying they are or aren't; I'm just askin'.

Natalie said...

I have seen plenty of white men out and about hitting on women that way. I think it depends on where you are. More than any group i think i get it from Latino men.

From that, I think that it might happen more if the guy things you are of the same background as you. Then again I rarely look straight up white so maybe that isn't true.

Anonymous said...

The way a man approaches a woman has a lot to do with the way he was raised or what he saw other men do either in reality or in movies. If a male has had success using a certain technique then he will probably continue to use that method with other women. I think any guy would be exicted if he saw an attractive woman who seemed to also be a nice person. It seems perfectly normal for him to approach you, although i agree that a smile or a simple hello might have been more appropriate. IT's best for any man, who wants to establish a connection with a respectable woman, regardless of color to be assertive and friendly, not overly pushy.

Leigh-Anne said...

I hate it when guys do that! And yes, it does seem to be mostly a black thing!

I find my black friends in South Africa often moan about it too!

Came across this link: http://www.women24.com/Women24/Life/Columnists/Nozipho_Masabalala/Article/0,,1-12-147-984_14152,00.html

think it might interest you...

JD said...

I also get annoyed by this. It just makes me feel like a piece of meat. However, I'm not as annoyed by the fact that it happens as much as it's embarrasing because the men don't seem to care that there are several other people within earshot. It's like a free show for our usually white audience, and I don't think it makes "us" look good. I can't say if it's a black thing, because I'm black, and I doubt white guys do that to black women that often. We'd need more white women to chime in on this. I've had white men say hello to me in a flirtatious way a few times, and each time it's been a European guy.

Pyo said...

hello there,
Interesting discussion...
I don't think it's a black thing, I've been approached by white (young) men in a quite similar way here in France, besides, I do think anytime anyplace is good as far as finding your soulmate is concerned (maybe because i'm "European" lol).

But I think that the lack of smoothness and the "scrub" look is part of a specific cultural background, I think it's more about culture than colour.

Aly Cat 121 said...

I think ANY man will want to smile and chat with a pretty woman. When I was single and was more open to being approached guys would say hello, black, white, asian. LOL. Now that I'm married I'm more cautious because I know that looking at someone directly in the eyes (even by chance) may give the wrong impression. Besides I don't want ANY guy thinkin that I'm remotely interested. I save being friendly for when I'm with my Hunny and babies.

skylynn said...

Ive just started reading your blogs abd I find them really interesting, because Im a black women who lives in Monmouth,Oregon and Im also married to a white man, and we have one little girl .Im from Oklahoma in an area that was really diverse ,and coming here was really weird for me, especially some of the reactions I get from little kids who look at me like Im from another planet, and where do you get your hair done here? Its so hard to find places.

Terell said...

Something I ran across.

-T

theophilus said...

Another white man weighing in. We (American white males) are NOT taught to be so forward with women, as far as I know. But I've learned to be more assertive with women, and "trying" pays off in meeting them. During my "education," I was intrigued by the way black men always compliment a woman when they talk to them or dance with them. I wondered, for awhile, if women of certain cultures appreciated this, and I tried it. But I never found the flattery helped in advancing my case, and that pretty women of all races seem to hear it a lot.
Much as you have, my white women friends sometimes complain of the aggressive techniques of some black men. They don't respond to it, either.
But it made me wonder: why would so many men do a behavior unless it held success for them, at least some of the time? I think that's the interesting question. So, I'd like to hear from the black men, or other men who are very forward in their approach to saying 'hi,' if it actually works sometimes? Or is it really a misguided, aged technique?
Inquiring dude wants to know.

Anonymous said...

I am posting this before I read the other comments. And this is m y observation and opinion. My husband is white and he's so into rock and roll and that 90's music like Nirvana. He had no clue to how to be sensual and I sufferd our first 6 yrs of marriage until I learned by watching others and learning my man to adjust my ryhthm to his and slowly teach him mine. Black men, relate to music that suits the sexual mood and so do alot of black women. All of our music deal in Sex. Its comforting. Especially for all the crap blacks have gone through in the past. sex and sensuality was a comforter and it has been passed through generations unknowingly. White men didn't need to be comforted because they have a strong confident support system at home. (white power) so he can focus on being a man and letting out aggression in rock music (or blacks). My husband doesn't see it that way and I believe it is because we are in a new time, of course he doesn't see it but like blacks, through the years generations of white families no matter how poor or how much power or lack of, they have the confidence in knowing they can be secure in there white skin.

and of course, hissing to women on the street is just plain ignorant and tasteless. Lack of home training from mommas and daddies. Rap videos are not teaching our men how to men. Just hoodlums.
Prophtess Bynum said in her "no more sheets" video, that she no longer in her walk, dress or makeup give off a vibe that attract hoodlums. They know not to talk to her. So check yourself out and see what kind of vibe you are giving off.

Natalie said...

Just yesterday i had a 40yr old white man cat calling at me. I think it may be more pervasive in certain age or cultural groups but no one is immune.

Anonymous said...

Because you live in little bitty Portland, you believe every stereotype that pertains to black men. I honestly think your issues with black men are much deeper than their pick-up lines...Perhaps you are ashamed of being apart of the black race...It doesn't surprise me that you married a white man.

Tayo said...

WOW I wish that Black men were that forward here in Houston. I'm a single Black woman and looking and it sure would make this dating thing easier. When you're married, i guess it's one thing, but when you're watching friends get engaged and married...well i'll just say that i would not be complaining about too many men coming my way. I LOVE *good* Black men. Naturally athletic physiques, nice teeth, smooth healthy looking skin, symmetrical faces, sense of humor, positive attitudes, assertiveness, the list goes on for me. Send these guys my way!

Anonymous said...

wow!!!! there is so much anti-black going on in here....I don't think there is anything wrong in hitting on a lady ---even in the nail shop--- As long as you don't disrespect the person you are hitting on!!! All these people are saying here about black people is so not true!!! maybe you just attract a lot more black guys. A man will always be a man---hunter at that----black,white,asian or even caveman

Anonymous said...

wow this happens to me all the time, but i just completely IGNORE guys when they do that. I mean seriously why do they do that?! its so annoying!!! It's like can't you act like a gentlemen?

Anonymous said...

I am a single black woman and I hate it when men cat call me, tell me to smile or are all in my face when I am on my way to school or work. It is annoying! And I know exactly what you man when you say "do I really look like your type?" I never get a professional black man doing this..it is always some scrubby man who is standing on the corner when I am on my way to being productive. So I get ya girl!

Anonymous said...

The cat calling, and name calling ("forget you then b***"), and the googling of the eyes, are some of the main reasons that you may see a sista looking p*** off!

Anonymous said...

The wassup girl thing? I can't stand it. I'm a single white woman who just moved from New York; you get this from all races, but yeah, the 'typical' white portland music head is generally a little shy and into his ipod, you know, to hollah even if he wants to. But white men do it too.

I do feel unomfortable often when talking to (or even glancing at) Men in general, in public, because it so often gets misconstrued. It makes it hard to be friendly.
^^
I've dated biracially a few times; I am right now, actually; but the most interesting (for me as a Jewish woman) was when I recently dated a man from Germany for several months. It took a month for it to occur to me that we weren't both "white"!- I was the first Jew he had ever met, and he was definetely fighting inner tension. He said some weird shit sometimes! And I definetely needed somewhere to vent.

Power to you, and good luck. My only recommendation is to vent Loud and hard(as you are Totally rocking), and then breathe, and let it go. Don't let prejudice/awkwardness get into the way you interact with people; try to keep it to the boards (and maybe the punching bags) as best you can.
As I'm sure you are. Lots of love and luck.
-Arielle

Anonymous said...

I don't know any WM myself that are aggressive in approaching a female. I would never do that and can't see how a lady could or would find that appealing in a good guy. Respect!

Masheba said...

Men are just that men. They do things that women will never understand. Before marriage all races have approached me in a similar way. "Hey baby" or "Wassup Shorty". White, black, green, orange, I don't think it makes a difference. Most men haven't been raised right. That type of behavior starts in the home. Other than that, I think you may have some issues with black people in general. Good Luck..

gloomgurl said...

i do think more black and latino guys do this more than white guys on average, but this does not mean that white guys never do it, because that is false. Even old white guys. A few weeks ago, i had a 60 year old white man hit on me. it was really strange and surprising. he asked me if i would go out with him and everything. He broke my stereotype of thinking old white guys are racist and scary. but anyway, yes black guys do it more often than most, but all guys do it.

Anonymous said...

It's rude fellas, plain and simple.

A smile and a witty (non sexual) comment would do nicley.

Anonymous said...

Some of these comments on here are ridiculous.

Who says that the interaction was a simple "Oh, I think you're nice, why don't I holla at you"

That involves an actual hello or conversation, none of which this author indicated happens at all.

I live in a city where it's notorious for black men to constantly hit on you, every second of the day (whether you're white, black, asian, latino, etc). If they lost someone down the street to shouting, as soon as they see you, they repeat the same method. So whoever said "Some guys are raised that way and mimic others" I agree with that statement, but obviously the part about "Guys continue to do what works" doesn't hold true because I've seen many failed attempts with my own eyes from many guys, yet they keep with it.

Please, try something else. Something that makes someone want to take you seriously.