Friday, June 15, 2007


i get emails from people all the time. most of the emails are friendly, from folks who just want to say that they can relate in one way or another.

sometimes i get emails from people who think i'm an idiot and can't understand why on earth i'd write a blog and put my most personal thoughts out there.

want to know why? it's SO therapeutic. really.

a while back you might remember a post about how insecure i felt going out in public holding hands or being affectionate with my husband of 11 years. it was only because of the race issue. you know, black, white, etc.

i got so many emails from people who thought i was nuts and couldn't understand my insecurity. i got a few emails from people who could relate as well. anyway, it's been several months, i think and just in the last month i've noticed how i truly couldn't care less about what people think anymore when we're out. granted, i'm not a publicly affectionate person, but even just sitting outside at a restaurant made me insecure.

not anymore. i think this blog makes me feel different. once i put myself out there and i get to hear feedback-good and bad, it gives me some perspective and subtly changes my outlook.

sometimes the emails sting though. and that helps too.


hotcoffy007 said...

i congratulate you for being willing to share your experiences and insights with the rest of us. sometimes the only way to deal with a situation is to give it a voice.

Anonymous said...

I like the fact you say things that people might not like, but they are thought-provoking and honest opinions. I like the fact you admit things about yourself that are not always so shiny and nice, but are real...the kind of stuff we like to hide. We should all be more open about the less perfect parts of ourselves, the world would be a more honest place.

Anonymous said...

Good for you! The best thing you can do for yourself is stop caring about what other people think. I like your blog, and I admire your honesty. I'm not black, but I do relate to your feelings, if not some of the situations you write about. You give me perspective and understanding even when I don't agree with you. Thank you for that.

Anonymous said...

My husband is also white and in the beginning our our relationship I was afraid and embarrassed to be with him in public. I am use to black men and there persona. Its a vibe you get and your comfortable with. A white mans vibe (unless he's a wanna be brother) is so awkward. So I can relate. It took 3 months to hold my mans hand in public. A lot of that was due to black men snickering and teasing me about my man and always asking why Iam with him and not a brother. I felt like I was dishonoring my race. Now I know love comes in all colors. I still don't want to see a white woman with a black man. I think that is because of the white women I see on tv and around my neighbor, they are so child like, not confident and mature. A bunch of Paris Hilton knock offs (I cannot wait till she show us her true side) I don't want that on my brothers arms. (or a silly black girl)

D said...

Good for you.

I'm a white guy - I was in a relationship with a black girl several years ago. I honestly didn't think about race that much - she and I clicked in enough areas that the relationship just naturally happened. And when I did think to myself "I wonder if I should have more thoughts on this topic?", my little inner voice said "No, it's pretty simple, I like her because she's one of the smartest, most interesting women I've ever met, it's not about race."

As far as being in public, I didn't think that much about that, either. Two people. Together. Go outside. See things. Do things. And I can say that for the most part, people's reactions were either totally fine, or pretty harmless. Nobody ever confronted us or gave us bad customer service as an interracial couple. And my friends were cool, too.

The only un-positive extra attention consistent enough to be a pattern was from some black men in urban/downtown areas - staring, saying "hey, what's up" to her and not me, a few catcalls, etc. - it would happen a couple of times a day in those settings. When my girlfriend and I talked about it, her response was to laugh and say "they're just jealous".

Anyway, I digress... being okay with who you are, who you're with, and not caring who cares... over time that rubs off on the people who are intolerant or whatever, so it's a good thing.

Anyway, I'm not sure how I found your blog, I was looking for information on roasting coffee - but I may post another comment or two on some of the more provocative topics : )


Anonymous said...

You need to speak with a therapist, because you trying to "help yourself" by making a blog is like running into brick wall repeatedly. You have self-hate about being black, not because you're with a white man--but because you have issues with black people obviously--and yourself too, whether you know it or not.

Anonymous said...

Of all of your posts here that I have read (and admittedly I'm "new") I love this one the most. I came across your blog AT ALL because I was looking to see if anybody else felt that being linked to a race that so flagrantly often wallowed in its ghettoness and negativeness really sucked. Since looking for (and finding) that I have also found that a multitude of the things you've spoke on are whats being felt by any number of people (whether or not I happen to be included). For that, if nothing else, your blog is of significant value. Because people DO "put on the appropriate face". As soon as the black militant/advocate/academia speak up what the person or personS were actually feeling dries up/gets silenced/becomes corrected -that's B.S. Feel just what you feel. SAY what it was you wanted. And if it's (supposedly) "wrong" of you? Tough sh*t. How dare another person tell you how to experience BEING YOU. Because the truth i,that after all the rhetoric, and after the civil rights march finishes getting marched, when you log off the only person who has to live being you is YOU, not the race.

Anonymous said...

I am glad you got your crap together!!!because there are plenty of us "interracial couples" that have to put our foot down! I wont be moved! Life is not a rehersal Love the one you are with! its as simple as that, I love your blogs !!

dottie said...

You represent yourself as an individual not as the whole black community! I'm so sick of black people saying this to people, especially women who chose to "date out" because we love them and vice versa. Like an individual, you have feelings, issues that are being tackled daily, (most importantly) your perception of the world. Don't let these haters get to you!

keep it real said...

Girl interracial relationships has been going on since the beginning of time. The problem with you is that you haven't accept the black/white thing that's why you are so cool about it in private
(11 yrs. Wow!) hey, if your man is cool with it and it's still workering for you; then more power to you.