Friday, February 09, 2007


last night The Husband and me and kids went to hang out at my brother's house. he and his wife are die hard Grey's Anatomy fans. i'm not into it, but i watched it since i was over there. his wife was talking about the black surgeon and his asian girlfriend and how they never show each other any affection the way the other non-interracial couples on the show do. i wouldn't know since i don't watch the show but it's probably true.

i know it's true in my case. well, kind of. i mean, i'm pretty affectionate to my husband at home. but it's really, really hard for me to be affectionate with him in public. i always tell people that i'm agains pda's (public displays of affection), but no, that's not really it. i feel like everyone's watching us. like we look so out of place to even hold hands. i have a fit when my husband tries to kiss me in public. he doesn't care what ANYone thinks which is why i love him so much. i'm the opposite.

no one bats an eye when they see a couple of the same race showing affection to each other but when you see a mixed race couple, it's just different. i feel like people think we're some naive misfits trying to be rebellious against society by being together. and whenever you hear someone say "oh, they're such a cute couple, they look so cute together", they're always talking about a couple where the people look similar to each other-both handsome, both short, both tall, both stylish, etc. i don't think that when people see a couple of different races together, that the first thing in their mind is how good they look together. i mean, they would appear to be opposites. my husband and i are opposites. he's very tall, i'm short. he's white, i'm black. aesthetically speaking, i don't think we look good together.

it makes me feel sad. sad that it's such a hangup of mine. i feel envious when i see couples of the same race being all affectionate in public. like it's something i'm missing out on. i wish i didn't care so much about what people think, but i do. and there are still racist, mean, rude people out there.


Anonymous said...

I've seen the show a few times. I think it is more about the characters personalities being non-affectionate rather than the fact that they are a mixed race couple.

When you see a same sex couple do you think "they look cute together"?

Lorena said...

I'm a white woman and I can relate. My husband is black and people have been openly hostile about it. Mostly white men or black females have a problem with this, IMO. I've had to hear some obnoxious comments from my husband's family about me being white.
I know it feels like the whole world is looking and judging...let them continue to do that. Hold your husband's hand, smile a beaming smile, and don't feel guilty/embarrassed about anything. It's the ones staring at you who should feel that way. You're with him b/c he is good to you and loves you and you love him. That is what matters. You're a special woman and he's clearly a standup guy...don't worry about the closed-minded reactions of people around you, whether they're black or white.

Keya said...

I Love Gray's, but anyways, I'm a black woman married to a white man, and yes I do sometimes feel the way you do about kissing my man in public. 1st off, I am not one for public affection in front of anyone, no matter what race they are. But when people see you & me, a black female, kissing her white husband, they could be saying a lot of things to themeselves, and yes I too want to avoid all confrontations, because I will go off on that person in a minute.

Anonymous said...

You shouldn't have hangups about not looking good together. I know it's easier said than done, but IMO the couples who always look best are the ones that look happy.

My white husband is 6 feet 3 inches tall. I'm black, and five feet exactly. I know we look like an odd couple, but it really doesn't bother me. I've learned a long time ago to turn off my attention of other people's reactions. I'm not into excessive PDA either, but I feel any sort of affectionate contact made between us is very much indicative of how we feel, it's all very spontaneous - and frankly I couldn't care less what people thing! =)

So I hope you can get over your hangup. People in love should be free to express their feelings (in appropriate ways) =)

Anonymous said...

I hope you can overcome your hangups. Don't worry about what people think, there will always be someone who disagrees with something you do. That's their problem, not yours.

I think this country is very backwards compared to some other Western countries like France, Canada, and England. Interracial couples are common in those countries and people tend to be a lot more accepting of them compared to people in the States. I hope this country becomes more progressive.


D said...

I'm going through your posts backwards - and as I already said on your follow-up to this, it's great that you're more comfortable with it now : )

And being okay with something yourself changes the reality of how other people react as well. Or at least puts you in a place where you (rightly) don't care what they think or say.

Galinda30 said...

wow! wow! wow! I wonder if you deserve the love that you get! The more they look the more I do it, be natural its when you behave unnatural is when you draw attention,

Anonymous said...

i love seeing interracial couples be affectionate in public. Everytime I see an interracial couple I smile on the inside. I have no idea why i guess cuz it's so cool to see that people are openminded and not sticking to one race which i doubt God intended for us. We are all humasn first. Race is simply a socially contructed thing. It doesnt really exist.

Anonymous said...

I just came across your blog and I am in the same situation. A black woman married to a white man. I don't feel uncomfortable showing affection in public and neither does my husband. If someone else is trouble by it, I feel that is their issue.
I've had people approach me and tell me how handsome we are as a couple. Conversely I've had black men approach me and harangue that I am with the "enemy".
Sometimes you have to let it roll off your back.