i recently had to attend a fundraiser, where i was expected to donate money. before i got there, i was already a little hesitant and uneasy about the fundraiser. i wasn't sure if it was supporting the right type of people, or if it would make the right statement, blah blah blah. i just wasn't 100 percent confident, but i was expected to be there.
when i got there, there weren't many people at first. but as people started filling up the place, i started to notice that most of the people supporting the cause were white. a couple of black people, a handful of hispanic, but mainly white. and i realized that i started to feel sure and confident about my decision to support the cause because of the number of white people there supporting the cause. and i realized that i've changed my decision in situations like this based on the race of people involved.decisions like choosing a restaurant, or a school or something-the presence of white people makes me feel like i'm making the right decision.
i've been this way for a long time. but it wasn't until the fundraiser that i actually became conscious of it. it's like seeing white people (presumably "smart" white people) means that i must be in the right place. or i must be making the right decision.
i'm not saying this is true or right, but i am recognizing that this is the way i rationalize some decisions i've had to make. and what's strange is that in other situations, i don't like being around a sea of white people. for example, the beer fests that portland is known for. you would never catch me there, mainly because i can't stand being around so many beer-drinking type (white) people.