a few years ago my husband and i were in a certain social circle of friends. many of them were shallow couples and singles who always seemed in competition with us-materially, career-wise, financially. it was miserable and unhealthy, so we just stopped hanging out with them altogether. it's been a nice few years away from them.
recently we've been sort of reunited with a few of them inadvertently by newer mutual friends and i feel the uneasiness setting in. are they still the same shallow individuals? i've changed for the better since i last spent time with them-have they?
even though i'm not real excited about being reunited into this social circle of friends, i still find myself asking about certain individuals to their friends. have you been to their home lately? have they remodeled it since----? are they still driving the BMW? have they vacationed? etc.,
i truly feel that i've grown as a person since the last time i hung around these other couples-especially since having my kids. yet just knowing that they will be at certain places at the same time we are, brings out all my old shallow ways. i can't help myself from inquiring about them and their homes and lives. it's like i'm a glutton for punishment, since i don't really want to know the answers to my questions.
i mean, do i really want to know if they've remodeled their house? or if they got a nicer car? or if they bought a new house? the answer is no. so why must i ask? so that i can start feeling insecure and inadequate all over again like before? and start feeling sorry for myself that we haven't been able to afford to remodel or trade up to a bigger house?
the funny thing is, i can "step outside the box" and see things for what they are. i know that money doesn't necessarily bring happiness, that a bigger house means bigger payments, and that true friends don't care if my home is totally remodeled. but still, i struggle with this.