Friday, March 23, 2007


the husband and i were invited over to his co-worker's home for dinner. our kids also used to go to school together. as far as the dinner was concerned, it was something i could take or leave. we have a pretty big social group already, and it's really not that important to me that our son play with their kid or not. but i was motivated to go mainly because i'm curious about people and i wanted to check out where they lived, how nice (or not) their house was, and just how they live in general. i think i was more curious about that than than being invited for dinner. and i have a tendency to take a look at someone and prematurely decide what type of house they probably live in and what type of life they lead. so it's kind of a little game i play with myself to see how wrong or right i was once we get there.

i feel like i need to see how other people live in order to be content with our life, our house, our financial situation. i feel like everyone has more money than we do, but at the same time i suspect our finacial situation appears different to others what it it really is. and i realized that of all our close friends that the husband and i hang out with, i've subconsciously managed to only keep friends that (that i perceive are on )our on our same (perceived) level of housing, finance, education, or LESS. like, i feel okay when i know that i have more of or the same things materially or financially as my friends. but i think i'd be too envious to have close friends that do better than us financially. like, i don't think my ego could handle it.

so, i was waaay wrong about these people. they have a much nicer house/home than what i expected. it didn't phase me, though, because it's a lot like our house. you'd think by now i'd have learned not to judge a book by it's cover. i think maybe that's a personality flaw because i do it all the time. but doesn't everyone?


Bense said...

Well, that's awesomely well as a conception. As an anonymous person you have never met but you know by postings, I can only reward that opinion.

Who says what "they" have ain't on loan? Nobody.

This is not to meant to insult somewhere, but I really believe you have some self-consciousness issues. You have a brilliant life with great kids, a house, a job and a loving husband. What is there more to ask for?

You don't have to feel guilty for anything You don't have to compare anything. It's you and you are cool, I really do like you. But that's maybe more of the American society a German can argue about.

In case you wanna have a change of places, move to the North-West of Germany and I will help you with anything, where you do not have to worry about such things. Germany ain't a wonderland, but I think you would even lesser think about the issues you'd do than over there in the good ole' US and A.

Maybe Erin can make it clear what I mean?

P.S.: My best childhood friend was a half korean-german girl, and I never grew up with any thought about it. It's acceptance.

hotcoffy007 said...

most people have those thoughts, but unlike you they don't check themselves, they believe the stories they make up in their minds and then act on them. at least you leave the possibility of being wrong an option.

Anonymous said...

I love checking out peoples houses and lifestyles. But with the wide world of credit you can really be wrong about income levels.
Some people are bad money managers too. I remember a guy I used to work with that HAD to have almost the same salary I did, but really did not have much to show for it. A leased car, broken down house... Maybe he just spent a lot on drugs that I never knew about?

Aly Cat 121 said...

Yeah the credit bug like anon said is soooo true. You never know who furnished there homes from "rent to own" type places or who purchased things on credit. I keep hearing about the high azz percentage of American debt (no matter WHAT the income level).

My family doesn't have alot of material things (like leather furniture, or flat screen t.v.s in every room) because we do cash. So if something cost $800 or so, the hubby pays cash and not credit. Thus that keeps us honest about what we REALLY can afford. So you never really know what folks financial status is.

Usually I'd suspect that folks who have what most would consider "real" money, wouldn't have lots of "flashy" things to show for it. Shoot, most wouldn't even be invited into those circles unless they were also of the same type of socio-economic status. So probably the folks you interact with, are in the same situation as you.

Natassia Buckridge said...

I read a lot of your post and I am really curious as to why you are so interested about race. So I wanted to tell you my experiences. Im a 15 year old biracial female. My mom is afro-caribbean and my dad is Italian...I hate being biracial. I am very insecure and I cant seem to fit in anywhere. My black friends think im not black enough but my white friends dont mind that much because I listen to alternative music and identify more with whites than blacks. I havent started dating yet but when I do it will probably be a mess. Some white guys think im some sort of exotic creature and black guys just think im hispanic.

love to hear from you soon,

keep it real said...

Sounds like you have to much time in your life.

Anonymous said...

wow im reading yur blog a bit and i feel like yuv got yourself a lot of issues.

i feel like when i lived in the US, I had some of these same issues. there is a lot of culture baggage and financial stuff in the US. too much

Anonymous said...

Sharing experiences helps to explore these different issues.

Anonymous said...

Sharing experiences helps to explore these different issues.