speak

i was sitting here trying to figure out which feels more natural- me speaking in my normal, everyday "white" sounding voice, or my "black" voice which comes out naturally when i'm tired or relaxed-if i want it to.  i was thinking about this because lately i've had to work with one of those white girls who obviously has a lot of black friends.  she's one of those whose voice has a little bit of a black "edge" to it. you know, that sound like she's from the deep south, but she's not. she also has an attitude. 

it's  weird for me to have a conversation with her, because i naturally sound the way that i sound-which is "white". but she's speaking to me the way she probably thinks i should speak. so, i feel a little self conscious while we're having a really interesting conversation because i feel like i should switch into black girl mode just for her sake. i mean, she's in that mode, shouldn't i join her? i don't let myself though because of the fact that she is white, regardless of how she sounds and i will not play into the stereotype.

i've done it before in that kind of situation, but for some reason, my "black" talking doesn't come natural! i literally sound like a white person trying to sound black, i guess because i feel like i'm "trying" or forcing something that i don't do in a professional work place.

what i mean to say is that it's not natural for me to talk comfortably "black" around white people. it's like my subconscious just wont even allow it. but, it is awkward when someone white wants to talk "black" to me.