behavior

i have been away too long! but i've had this burning issue i've been wanting to blog about for the last month and i've finally found some time to sit and blog about it.

so, about a month ago i met up with three of my bestest girlfriends. they're the type of friends that i don't see often, but we have the type of friendship that even if we go a year without getting together, it's like i had just seen them yesterday.
anyhow, we decided to meet up at a trendy little spot on Mississippi Ave for drinks late one night. i should mention by the way, these are my down-home girls who might be a little bit closer to fitting the "loud, black female"stereotype than i am. but i was happy to see them and let loose that night.

so we had our drinks, we talked, we laughed. but every time the white server came by to check on us, or every time it seemed like the white people nearby were glancing at us, i felt like we needed to halt our talking and be on our best (white) behavior. i'm not talking about normal restaurant manners. we weren't being loud obnoxious restaurant patrons. i'm talking about (self consciously) not laughing loud enough for anyone else to hear, or not speaking our relaxed not-so-proper english in a volume where anyone could hear. it's like when white people are in an earshot, i automatically "straighten up" and act the furthest from stereotypical as i possibly can.

but why???? *i* know we're not ghetto, and that we're not the stereotype, so why should i feel like i have to try to prove what i am (not) to people i don't know? when i realized that i was doing this, i realized that i've ALWAYS done this in my adult life without consciously thinking about it. yet i know black people who are totally oblivious to any white people around them, and will act as ghetto and loud as they want to be without thinking twice about it. we weren't that rowdy at the restaurant, but i was still really conscious of how "nice" we fit in with the docile white patrons.

do any other black people do this too??