nappy

i have an acquaintance/friend who is mixed with white and black. she's always been one of those really afrocentric people. i mean, she definitely is more in tuned with her black side than the white side. and that's fine. and her hair- oh, it's the typical wavy, beautiful mixed hair. it's not nappy, or kinky like black BLACK people's hair. but yet, she's always on facebook constantly posting stuff about supporting real black women with real/natural hair. or black women with natural hair this, and pro-kinky hair this, pro-naturual nappy that. it bugs me.

she doesn't even know what it's like to have REAL nappy hair. i mean, i get that she's tuned in with black women and obviously wants to be a part of the natural hair "movement", but her hair is not kinky. it's wavy and soft, not too far from the way white people's hair is.  so yeah, it gets under my skin that she tries to act like she knows the struggle/scrutiny/criticism other black women (like me) with real kinky hair face on a daily basis.

decisions.

i  recently had to attend a fundraiser, where i was expected to donate money.  before i got there, i was already a little hesitant and uneasy about the fundraiser. i wasn't sure if it was supporting the right type of people, or if it would make the right statement, blah blah blah. i just wasn't 100 percent confident, but i was expected to be there.

when i got there, there weren't many people at first. but as people started filling up the place, i started to notice that most of the people  supporting the cause were white. a couple of black people, a handful of hispanic, but mainly white. and i realized that i started to feel sure and confident about my decision to support the cause because of the number of white people there supporting the cause. and i realized that i've changed my decision in situations like this based on the race of people involved.decisions like choosing a restaurant, or a school or something-the presence of white people makes me feel like i'm making the right decision.

i've been this way for a long time. but it wasn't until the fundraiser that i actually became conscious of it. it's like seeing white people (presumably "smart" white people) means that i must be in the right place. or i must be making the right decision.

i'm not saying this is true or right, but i am recognizing that this is the way i rationalize some decisions i've had to make. and what's strange is that in other situations, i don't like being around a sea of white people. for example, the beer fests that portland is known for. you would never catch me there, mainly because i can't stand being around so many beer-drinking type (white) people.

safe

so, i have 2 daughters under the age of 9. even though we live in a somewhat "safe" neighborhood, i do not allow them to walk to the local stores or parks alone. call me paranoid, or whatever, but i don't trust people. and i don't care how special people think their little neighborhood is, there are sick, demented people EVERYWHERE.

so, one of my daughters was invited over to a friends house to play. we're in alameda neighborhood, but their neighborhood might be just slightly one step up from our in terms of safety or the illusion of a happy, safe place. so, my daughter called me from their house saying that their mom lets them walk to the park alone with their 10 yr old brother and wanted to make sure i was okay with that.

the park is probably 4 blocks away.  i said no. so a 10 yr old boy would be responsible for my 8 yr old daughter if something happened, or if she had to go use the park bathroom, or if someone tried to lure her away? i don't think so.

i kind of felt this eyerolling from the mom, as if i'm just so overprotective. and then it dawned on me.

this family is white. white people have never ever had to watch their backs. they've never had to be aware of someone wanting to hurt or kill them because of their race or who they are. not that i think my daughter is a target because of being mixed, or that lynching or anything like that still happens. but my point is that i think white people in general are more trusting and more laid back in terms of letting their children run free without worry because historically, they have never had to be concerned. whereas, black people, i believe are more cautious naturally because of our history or being targeted.

that's my theory. what do you think?

res ipsa loquitur

(sigh)

leave it to white people to decide that if they can't be a part of black people's money-making, just arbitrarily deciding to a)make them criminals, b) unfairly try to regulate it so that they force themselves to get some of the profit, c) take over the craft so that they can learn how to do it better and profit more and then eventually keep black people from doing it at all.

if you have ever taken any latin, here's a phrase for ya. Res ipsa loquitur.

http://www.oregonlive.com/politics/index.ssf/2012/08/braiding_african_american_hair.html

wrong on so many levels. i can barely even bring myself to blog about it. talk amongst yourselves!!!

i have come to the realization, according to MY experience that most white people are fine until they meet a black person who is confident and smart. from many of my experiences, not all of them but many, white people feel most comfortable when a black person around them fits their stereotype.  as long as i don't appear as smart or intelligent as they are, they're fine. but it seems like there are certain white people who get really uncomfortable when i deal with them. like they don't know how to treat this non-ghetto, proper-english-speaking black girl.

and i don't even think that white people realize that they feel that way on a conscious level. but i've experienced enough of it to know what i'm talking about, especially in portland, where black people are only like a side dish that someone may or may not choose to taste. wow, did that sound poetic? i wasn't even trying. it was just the first thing that came to my mind.

behavior

i have been away too long! but i've had this burning issue i've been wanting to blog about for the last month and i've finally found some time to sit and blog about it.

so, about a month ago i met up with three of my bestest girlfriends. they're the type of friends that i don't see often, but we have the type of friendship that even if we go a year without getting together, it's like i had just seen them yesterday.
anyhow, we decided to meet up at a trendy little spot on Mississippi Ave for drinks late one night. i should mention by the way, these are my down-home girls who might be a little bit closer to fitting the "loud, black female"stereotype than i am. but i was happy to see them and let loose that night.

so we had our drinks, we talked, we laughed. but every time the white server came by to check on us, or every time it seemed like the white people nearby were glancing at us, i felt like we needed to halt our talking and be on our best (white) behavior. i'm not talking about normal restaurant manners. we weren't being loud obnoxious restaurant patrons. i'm talking about (self consciously) not laughing loud enough for anyone else to hear, or not speaking our relaxed not-so-proper english in a volume where anyone could hear. it's like when white people are in an earshot, i automatically "straighten up" and act the furthest from stereotypical as i possibly can.

but why???? *i* know we're not ghetto, and that we're not the stereotype, so why should i feel like i have to try to prove what i am (not) to people i don't know? when i realized that i was doing this, i realized that i've ALWAYS done this in my adult life without consciously thinking about it. yet i know black people who are totally oblivious to any white people around them, and will act as ghetto and loud as they want to be without thinking twice about it. we weren't that rowdy at the restaurant, but i was still really conscious of how "nice" we fit in with the docile white patrons.

do any other black people do this too??