a few years ago my husband and i were in a certain social circle of friends. many of them were shallow couples and singles who always seemed in competition with us-materially, career-wise, financially. it was miserable and unhealthy, so we just stopped hanging out with them altogether. it's been a nice few years away from them.
recently we've been sort of reunited with a few of them inadvertently by newer mutual friends and i feel the uneasiness setting in. are they still the same shallow individuals? i've changed for the better since i last spent time with them-have they?
even though i'm not real excited about being reunited into this social circle of friends, i still find myself asking about certain individuals to their friends. have you been to their home lately? have they remodeled it since----? are they still driving the BMW? have they vacationed? etc.,
i truly feel that i've grown as a person since the last time i hung around these other couples-especially since having my kids. yet just knowing that they will be at certain places at the same time we are, brings out all my old shallow ways. i can't help myself from inquiring about them and their homes and lives. it's like i'm a glutton for punishment, since i don't really want to know the answers to my questions.
i mean, do i really want to know if they've remodeled their house? or if they got a nicer car? or if they bought a new house? the answer is no. so why must i ask? so that i can start feeling insecure and inadequate all over again like before? and start feeling sorry for myself that we haven't been able to afford to remodel or trade up to a bigger house?
the funny thing is, i can "step outside the box" and see things for what they are. i know that money doesn't necessarily bring happiness, that a bigger house means bigger payments, and that true friends don't care if my home is totally remodeled. but still, i struggle with this.
11 comments:
Ha ha! You really crack me up TBG. No offense intended but you're awfully funny. So let me get this straight...
You claim to have "grown and changed for the better" since you last saw these shallow friends of yours...
yet..
..."i still find myself asking about certain individuals to their friends. have you been to their home lately? have they remodeled it since----? are they still driving the BMW? have they vacationed? etc.,"...
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Fantastic! Thats one of the reasons I continue to read your blog TBG, you are truly a self-obssesed bundle of contradictions. Some posts piss me off, many amuse the heck out of me and some are just plain tragic.
I love it!
It's natural. Ignore the above fool.
Well, I've been reading your blog for quite a while now and it seems to me that you're insecure about a lot of things and I'm not trying to criticize you. It's just an observation. And my point is that if you're unhappy with your current situation, then change it. Go back to school and get a higher degree. Look for a better job and encourage your husband to do the same. ( I know that's easier said than done, but actually doing something instead of just sitting around feeling sorry for yourself seems better to me) And while it's "natural" to compare yourself to others, your success is not based on how well you do compared to other people. It's based on if you met your own personal goals for where you wanted your life to go. The real question you should ask is, Are you who you wanted to be at this point in your life and are you where you wanted to be at this point in your life? And if not, why and how can you reach your goal?
Hi, I really like your blog, I can relate , I am a white guy, was with black woman for about 8years, still good friends, and I adopted her daughter...so I understand where your coming from with alot of this. You seem really nice. take care...-B
So...you can "relate" to TBG because you are..
1. a white guy?
2. have a black girlfriend? " I totally get black issues/not racist/fill in the gap - because- wait for it - I have black friends!"
3.your black girlfriend spends her time obsessing about race & her skin colour. and has self esteeem issues..
In which case you need to encourage her to seek healthy, positve action to combat all that negative energy don't you think?
First time this blogg don’t take up race as a variable, nice going.
"[I]t seems to me that you're insecure about a lot of things and I'm not trying to criticize you. It's just an observation. And my point is that if you're unhappy with your current situation, then change it. Go back to school and get a higher degree. Look for a better job and encourage your husband to do the same."
Or if you're not ready to go back to school right away, if you have the time find a hobby to get involved with and you can meet like-minded people (hopefully), to keep your mind off the "haves" and "have-nots."
I started reading your blog lately because I can relate to being the "different" Black girl, and while I don't always agree with your assessments on people (from what I've read), I'm not going to jump in with "you're horrible!" or whatever's been said. There's no point to spread hate...especially from an "anonymous" post.
I have more tact to "agree to disagree" as opposed to just acting hateful.
This is far from natural. I think that the person telling you this just wants you to obsess and become neurotic. I personally think that you DO care and want to know. You may have grown, but not as much as you think. When you no longer ask because you truly don't care is when you know that you've actually grown past this.
Unfortunately, I don't understand what any of these things means to you. If your life was truly fulfilling none of this would make any difference. I have yet to care what anyone I know is doing, because it doesn't affect me. I don't care where they go, what they drive or where they live. I do care how they relate to me. If they don't have my best interests at heart, forget em'.
So, look deep and really let the WHY's come to you. You are hung up on materialism, yet you don't have the means to display this to those you wish to make envious. You are way too envious yourself and that might be why you are hung up on this issue.
4:19 here it is both natural and normal. I didn't say it was right and by all accounts she knows this that is why she is questioning herself. Call me crazy but the only way to grow is to acknowledge your shortcomings and work on it. I think only a select few can recognize there wrongs and correct them cold.
i meant their wrongs.
This blog is getting boring. C'mon TBG, post something controversial.
I know you want to....
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