went out last night on a date with the husband. we started at kennedy school mcmenamins but when the wait for dinner was an hour, we decided to go somewhere "different". different as in: never been there, and probably for good reason but willing to try. i was feeling like mexican. so we ended up at Chez jose on about 20th and NE broadway.
wow. for a native portland/oregonian, i'm not surprised i've never been to that place. i'll never go back . we didn't have a bad experience, but who goes to an americanized mexican restaurant? that's just so not our style. i didn't realize it was so white in there. i didn't see one hispanic. and then, the chips and salsa. the salsa, was hot. i don't mean spicy. i mean it was steaming hot. wtf? besides that, it tasted like canned enchilada sauce.
in a place like portland, there's just no excuse for a restaurant like that. as many mexicans around, you'd think they could find a few to wait some tables and cook some authentic food. the service was pretty decent, at least. it was filled with people who probably didn't know the difference.
the husband and i like to make fun when we see a black guy with a white girl. we're such the pot calling kettle. but we're a different kind of interracial couple. i dont think we see ourselves as interracial. well, except for when i discuss it here. and, it's a whole different story when it's another black girl with a white guy. we don't make fun of them, we do the smile and nod, as if to say, "we know how it is, too".
this black guy and white girl come into chez joses and sit nearby us, and the first thing going through my mind is hmmph. why is he with her? if i think that, and i'm half of an interracial couple, others who are not interracial couples are thinking the same thing or worse. but we do it all in fun. however, there's still a part of me that wonders why he'd choose to be with a white girl rather than a black girl. maybe no black women wanted the guy. i don't know why i think like that, when people probably wonder the same about us.
people say portland is a liberal type place and more accepting interracial couples, etc. actually i believe it's more like a really polite place. everyone is so afraid of asserting an opinion for fear of being "judgemental". people will smile and pretend like they are okay with you, but behind closed doors it's a whole different story.
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LOL, im the same way with my girl. Im white, although not raised in America. Shes black, born and raised here. We like to joke around and call couples "thumbs up couple" if the guy is white and the girl is black, and "thumbs down couple" if opposite. Its a little harder in Jersey, as we do get a lot of looks, but no1 ever says anything. Probably because im a big guy. But we do get a lot of stares. Im glad I found your page, think Im gonna put on favorites.
I would appreciate reading more of your thoughts on the subject of being an interracial couple. I don't understand what the stereotypes, expectations, reactions, challanges, etc, are when one partner is black and the other white, especially how it makes a difference which is the man or woman.
Thank you for writing this blog. It's been helpful reading, and I hope you'll keep it up!
Oops, that should say "challenges."
I used to look at white guy Asian girl couples that way. Then I started dating the younger (looking Asian girl). I bet people think "Mail order bride" but she is a PhD
My husband and I definitely comment favorably when we see another couple with our configuration (black woman/white man), but we usually don't comment when it's a black man with a white woman. It's so common it just isn't worth discussing anymore. We VERY rarely comment on other types of interracial couples, though, unless it's a really rare coupling, like a black woman with an Asian man.
LOL. That was too funny. Why yall talking about that couple?
"there's still a part of me that wonders why he'd choose to be with a white girl rather than a black girl. maybe no black women wanted the guy. i don't know why i think like that, when people probably wonder the same about us."
Yeah, that is hypocritical, but we're all like that about different things.I know you say you don't know why you think that, but I really would like to find out.You're a very interesting person.
Well I think for one thing, as a Black woman, I have always felt that lighter females in general are considered more desirable as a mate...if you look at many cultures, including in the US, one can certainly see how this is perpetuated, especially in the media; so, when I see a couple that fits this mold-it's kinda like "ho-hum". On the other hand, when I see a Black woman with a White man (or any male with lighter skin for that matter) in a way, it is a bit comforting to see that not every buys into the B.S.
"...if i think that, and i'm half of an interracial couple, others who are not interracial couples are thinking the same thing or worse. but we do it all in fun. however, there's still a part of me that wonders why he'd choose to be with a white girl rather than a black girl..."
Ummmmmmmm...... NO.
I have been half of a white guy/black girl couple, and I don't think twice about a black guy/white girl couple. Everybody has the total and complete right to be with whom they find most attractive. And by judging certain combinations of interracial couples, you feed into negative energy around the whole concept that just doesn't need to be there.
And when my sister was dating a black guy and my dad freaked out, she asked me if I would walk her down the aisle. I said yes I would, as long as she loved him (the same thing I'd ask my daughter, no matter who the guy is). She didn't end up marrying that guy, but if she had, I would have considered him as much a part of the family as a white guy.
the husband and i like to make fun when we see a black guy with a white girl ... it's a whole different story when it's another black girl with a white guy.
I'm a black man and my girlfriend (I was married before and have no attention of making that mistake twice) is from Cameroon. So, she is definitely NOT white.
Nonetheless, I react similarly when I see either black/white relationship permutation. When I see a black man with a white woman (especially if he has the air of an educated professional) my gut reaction is, "how typical." There is no end to the choices of marriageable black women for even a moderately successful black man. So, right or wrong, I tend to see that choice as an example of a black man having simply bought into white Americas skinny blond beauty ideal (to which I am diametrically opposed.)
On the other hand, when I see an obviously married interracial couple including a black woman, my reaction is more favorable. There is a paucity of marriageable black men. Certainly, an accomplished black woman shouldn't have to sit around until she's 50 waiting for a good brotha to show up or for the knuckle-heads she might know to grow up.
Truth be told, I don't really don't think about the white guy half of the couple at all. I don't hate white guys, but I'm not exactly in love with them either. My emotional response is entirely directed toward the black female. I'm happy that she has managed to beat the odds (perhaps "beat the odds" is too strong of a sentiment) and find a husband. In my purely anecdotal experience, I've come to believe that marriage is far more important to the average black woman than it is to the average black man.
Another thought that creeps, unbidden, into my mind is that no matter what happens, that sista is going to end up owning a house in the suburbs and the afore mentioned white guy is going to pay for it and the rearing of however many black children (I know that you interracial types consider them biracial, but the world will see them as black)that their union produces. That integration of the deepest whitest de facto segregated suburbs as well as the resulting eventual transfer of wealth (either to the children or to the wife at the dissolution of the marriage) is all good from where I'm sitting.
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