white girl-again

i got called "white girl" again. by now i'm used to it. that's just who i am, obviously. i'm a black woman who is always mistaken for someone who think she's white. that's the perception of me and i've accepted that although i don't agree with it.

i got called that by someone who has no college education, and she only eats fattening soul food (because of course, eating healthy is for white folks, right?). by the way, i can't stand when black people refuse to make healthy changes in their lives because they're afraid it's too "white".

last night i lay in bed and thought about the fact that my whole life--- my WHOLE LIFE i've been labeled as 'trying to act white' and i 'talk white'. but what i couldn't really figure out is WHY. why do i sound white when i talk? i'm not talking about just speaking proper english. i know plenty of black people that speak proper english but when i hear them, they still sound (stereotypically) "black" to me. but when i talk, i truly sound like a white person. if someone heard me talking on the phone who had never met me, without a doubt they'd think i were white. maybe i just don't have that 'bass' in my voice, as a character in a Will Smith movie once said.

i mean, i could blame it on my (white) city/environment, but then what about the other black people here who don't sound like me? so i'm not sure why i sound the way i do. and i don't even have to try to sound "white". i just do. ironically, i have to make an effort to sound black. how weird is that?

and despite what the people who have called me "white girl" may think, i have never tried to attract white friends because of the way i talk. however, i do think that the way i talk inadvertently attracts white people to me ( more than to other black women) which is likely why i have so many white friends.

the way i talk just feels so normal to me. people think i'm trying to talk this way, which is just not true.

stamps

i went to the post office today. i went to the window and asked the guy if he could mail my two pieces of mail and that i also needed to buy about 10 stamps. normally, i'm not picky about the stamps i buy. i like any black heritage usually. but i really DON'T care. they're just stamps.

but for some reason today, i was a little...what-irritated, i guess? the guy hands me sheet with "Kwanzaa" and some emblem on the stamps. since i don't do Kwanzaa, i just didn't really want those. i know, i know. who cares? i usually don't. so i told the man, 'eh....can i get some other stamps?' he hands me some stamps with Arabic writing. i think it was some type of Arabic holiday type stamp. no, i did not really want those either. wtf?

then he hands me some Hanukkah type of stamp. i guess he figured since i turned down the "black" and the middle eastern holiday stamps, i must just want a Hanukkah stamp. i thought he must of just been trying to piss me off. or not.

i guess i do care what type of stamp i buy. i mean, if i don't "subscribe" to Kwanzaa, why would i want that on my mail? i mean, would a (serious) jew want christmas stamps? i have no idea. i guess i just don't want my mail to do any other speaking for me than what's already in the envelope.

i finally just settled on some plain, usps stamps.