names

i finally picked out a new dentist. you might remember several posts ago i talked about a new, black dentist who had taken the place of my old dentist. i thought about it long and hard. yeah, i had some funky issues about a successful black dentist digging around in my mouth, but i decided that mainly it was about wanting someone with more experience. i may have chosen to go with the black dentist if he had more experience, but he didn't.

why should i feel guilty or, like i'm not giving a brother a chance? it's strictly business. my first inclination was to feel guilty. but i'm not going to, because i have the right to have a dentist with more experience.

so, i hope this doesn't sound bad. i called the dental office last week to schedule an appointment, as i had much needed work to be done on my teeth. i explained that i didn't really want the replacement, because i wanted someone with more experience. the receptionist named off two dentists. one of which had the last name of Nguyen. my first thought - and i hope this isn't too terrible- was that i wanted to go with the asian dentist. simply because almost all the asians i've known in my life seemed like perfectionists and also seemed smart.

and that's how i made my choice. isn't that a huge stereotype? that all asians are smart? is that offensive to an asian to say that i assumed they were smart simply by being asian? i thought about that for a while. it's a generalization, but isn't it a good generalization?? i have to be honest and say that if the stereotype for black people was that we were all say, hardworking and honest, even if it weren't true for everyone, i don't think i'd be offended by it.

i went to an online open forum that i frequent and asked the same question because i kinda surprised myself about the way i chose the dentist. when i called the office, i was just ready to take any ol' dentist with more experience -until i heard the last name.

MLK

i was invited to go check out a tribute to mlk today. can i just say that i (and probably others) might be more inclined to go it it weren't SO religious? i mean, i know dr. king was a reverend and all, but can't there be a tribute to him without feeling like i'm going to some southern baptist revival?

i am religious, but not in that way, and some people just flat-out aren't religious. however, they still might want to show their appreciation for all that he's done, but don't want to be force fed the gospel choir.


that's all.

expectations

i happen to really, really like this certain song by that old 80's band Motley Crue. i never even gave that group a thought until about 3 months ago when my husband turned the radio on while we were getting dressed and this song by motley crue was playing. and you know how when you're listening to the radio and a song comes on that you don't particularly like, you just tune it out? that's what i did until i realized that i was really liking this song by this weird, heavy metal band. it really rocks. but motley crue? i would have never thought i'd ever like any song by that band.

so, i went to work out at dishman community center here in portland. i had my husband download the song for me on my ipod to listen to when i work out. it's so loud in the weight room that no one can hear what i'm listening to and i was glad. i hate when people try to scrutinize my choice in music.

as my work out went on, i started to sweat. the sweat from my hairline was running down into my ears, causing my earbuds to slip. i decided to stop working out. as i walked out of the weight room, listening to this great song by motley crue, with my earbuds hanging loosely from my sweat, all these [black] heads turned and stared .

i was so embarassed! i'm guessing they could not only hear my loud earphones but what was playing on the earphones must have made them do a double-take once they saw me. i hurried to turn it down. i didn't want anyone there to hear what i was listening to. by the looks on their faces it seemed like like they expected me to be only listening to r&b or hiphop, of course.

i guess i just don't look like a heavy metal type of girl.

generalize

how do some people just make blankets statments like ' i could never date a [this race or that race] man or woman? i seriously don't get it. i had a small dinner party a few nights ago and us girls were sitting around the table talking. one of my newer friends (who is black), who is recently divorced started talking about some guy that she had been set up with. he's white.

so anyway, she's going on and on about things she didn't really like about the guy and just as my eyes started to glaze over she goes, ' i just don't think i could be with a white man'. first of all, isn't that kinda rude in my presence? i mean maybe i'm oversensitive when it comes to that because my husband is white. i don't know. but aside from that, why couldn't she be with a white man? do all white men smell like cheese? or, are they all square dorks? that's just as bad as me saying i could never date a black man. it's not any worse just because i happen to be black. sure, i think i have a preference for attractive white men, but that doesn't mean that any old dirty, dorky, ignorant white guy will do, just because he's white. and it doesn't mean that (if i were in the dating scene) i would totally rule out any other race.

i think alot of black women kind of stereotype white guys as being all stiff and dorky, etc., etc.,and some of them are. but so are some black, asian and hispanic, too. no one's suggesting that you date the dorks of any race, unless you just want to.

it seems like such a tired cliche for black women to say that.--'i just don't think i ever could date a black man.' just because they're white. period. so even if the perfect package guy came along, she'd reject him because he's white? i personally find it hard to believe any woman that says that they think a whole race of people are unattractive.

people should be clear on what they mean when they say things like ' i could never date a white man' . why not just say, 'my preference is black, but any decent guy that's got A, B, and C, is worthy trying out? or, this person is just not my personality type? attractive is atractive (and i'm not just talking about looks). and yeah, you can obviously have your preference (who doesn't?), but to just rule out a whole race?

that's so racist, and somehow it's okay to say it to other black women, as if we all will understand. like we expect each other to say that. and i know if i heard of a group of white women or men sitting around talking about how 'they could never date a black woman', i'd be kinda pissed and think they were idiots.