Pick-ups

what is it with black guys and their pick-up techniques?? seriously. i'm married, so it makes no difference to me, but still. it's so stupid. it's like everywhere they go is an automatic, virtual meat-market pick-up opportunity. ev.ery.where.


i went to the lloyd center mall yesterday after work. i looked tired, i'm sure, but evidently that didn't matter. even if i did look hot, why do black men always act like anytime and anyplace is fine to try to pick-up a woman?



' 'sup girl'. 'hey, how you doin'?' 'whashow name?' 'hey pretty lady'. ugh. come onnnnnn. DO I REALLY LOOK LIKE YOUR TYPE?

i'm not minimizing the fact that people like to meet people. that's fine and all. but what I notice, here in portland is that a lot of the black guys act like everywhere they go is a "mackin'" opportunity, something i really don't notice white guys doing. and i'm not trying to insult black men and praise white men, i just really think it's worth discussing.


albeit, these guys are usually the "scrubs" type of guy who is basically a loser (or at least appears to be). but my point is not the fact that they're scrubs-we all know those guys exist. i'm talking about the fact that wherever they go-whether it's the store, the doctor's office, the mall, walking down the street, etc., etc., they feel the need to try to get the hook-up with a woman that they find attractive.


maybe i'm just being a snob. but so what. black people sort of have this unspoken thing, here in Portland where when we see each other in the store we nod, just to kind of acknowledge each other. or, we used to. i don't think it's as common as it used to be when there were fewer of us living here. and, i'm just not into that anyway. so what if i'm black and you're black and we're in the store at the same time? the only time i really make an effort at that is if i happen to be out in outskirts of portland where there are so few black people that it's scary. if i see one of us out there, i'll definitely acknowledge them. for out and about around portland, i might give a friendly smile to another black woman, but usually not another black guy-'cause they only take it as an attempted pick-up. and then, i never know if the black men who are asking me- a passerby, 'how i'm doing' if they're trying to pick me up, or if they're doing that acknowledgment thing. why can't they just smile ? is that too "soft" for a black man? the acknowledgement thing is definitely a portland thing because back east and down south, there are so many black people that it's just no big deal to see a fellow black person.

my point is this do white guys do this? are they any more respectable when it comes to this thing? 'cause honestly, i've never been hit-on like that by a white man or seen a white man walking around at the mall or the park asking "what's up" to every good-looking girl they see. maybe in the nightclubs, but never out and about at the grocery store. my husband is white and we met among friends. so i honestly don't know if this is a ghetto black guy thing or if white guys are just as bad. sure, white men might be on the lookout for a new girlfreind, but it seems like there's a cultural difference in the way they go about finding her.

so, here's my final point. pick-ups are fine. for the "whassup girl" type pick ups, save it for the nightclubs. i figure anyone who's at a nightclub is looking for that type of person anyway. and for black men who might see a SINGLE woman at the grocery store (or wherever), and MUST try to pick her up, they should just try smiling.

ouch

i get emails from people all the time. most of the emails are friendly, from folks who just want to say that they can relate in one way or another.

sometimes i get emails from people who think i'm an idiot and can't understand why on earth i'd write a blog and put my most personal thoughts out there.

want to know why? it's SO therapeutic. really.

a while back you might remember a post about how insecure i felt going out in public holding hands or being affectionate with my husband of 11 years. it was only because of the race issue. you know, black, white, etc.

i got so many emails from people who thought i was nuts and couldn't understand my insecurity. i got a few emails from people who could relate as well. anyway, it's been several months, i think and just in the last month i've noticed how i truly couldn't care less about what people think anymore when we're out. granted, i'm not a publicly affectionate person, but even just sitting outside at a restaurant made me insecure.

not anymore. i think this blog makes me feel different. once i put myself out there and i get to hear feedback-good and bad, it gives me some perspective and subtly changes my outlook.

sometimes the emails sting though. and that helps too.

preferences

'You have a strong preference for white [people] over black [people].'

that was the result i got from taking the IAT test, which was featured on Oprah last week. it's a test to show you how you REALLY feel beneath all your layers about certain people.

so it told me i prefer white over black. i honestly don't see how i wouldn't subconsciously prefer white people, having grown up in portland. white people all around was always my environment. when i was a kid, i fit right in. as far as i was concerned, i was just like them.

it doesn't mean i don't like being black. i definitely do.

whatevs.