Friday, February 26, 2010


this week we're celebrating the birthdays of two of my kids whose birthdays are both within weeks of each other. i went shopping last night to stock up on treats and presents when i spotted a white woman in the store with her black boyfriend.

okay question number one: how come whenever someone white(a 'dominant' race) is married to an ethnic person/person of color, they always take on the characteristics or immerse themselves in the culture of the minority race, and not the other way around? i think occasionally i see it, but not as often. there's nothing wrong with it- i even notice it in my marriage. just an observation.

i looked at the black guy she was with, and he did not appear to be that great of a catch. i often wonder what white girls see in the thuggish-ruggish black guys that are SO far from being in my league. i would have higher expectations if i were in the dating scene AND dating a black man. it's just so weird.

she kept looking at me...i don't know what she was thinking. i interpreted the way she was acting around me as her showing off her black man to me, as if to say 'i got one of yours'. if she only knew...i would never date a guy like that. she can have him and then some.

Sunday, February 21, 2010


are black people friendly? from MY experience in portland, oregon, some are, but i have ALWAYS found white people easier to receive a smile or a 'hello' back from. i don't mean to give any props to white people or start self-hating here, but i would rather try to dissect why black people aren't as friendly. or at least why they don't give off that friendly 'vibe'. (i don't think white people are better, nor do i want to be white)

some of my readers might be aware of the fact that we moved to the laurelhurst neighborhood but still have our daughter at the hood school, which is now mostly black. there are a few white people sprinkled in, but black students are truly the majority there. at the beginning of the school year, i spent a lot of time on the playground while my kids played. i noticed that while the white parents were busy introducing themselves to the other white parents, immediately forming bonds, the fewer black parents on the playground barely said hello to each other(and that is still the case). one thing was for sure- they weren't itching to get to know the other parents, or discussing what they did for work. as for the white parents, i doubt it had anything to do with the fact that they were the minority trying to band together, because i've noticed this "instant comraderie" at other places where white people are (work, group interviews, expos, supermarket lines, etc).

of course, there are exceptions. i'm not going to presume to know every black person in portland. occasionally i've met a non-threatened black woman who was friendly and outgoing without sizing me up about whether or not i'm bourgeois because i'm light skinned, or because i'm obviously or evidently married to a white man or because i appear more confident than she is. but i'm sorry! those women are few and far between. whenever i've managed to meet and talk with another mother of color, i cherished it.maybe being in portland has something to do with it. i'm not exactly sure. i was born and raised in portland and i can honestly say that in my entire life, it has always been easier to make friends with white people. for example, in school or at school or work the dark skinned black girls (more on that later) were always (okay, not always but 8 times out of 10) distant, mean, unfriendly until time had passed and they got to know me. they would always automatically assume i thought i was better or for whatever reason, disinterested in sparking up a conversation. which, by the way is totally ironic considering that in portland we are such a minority-you'd think we'd want to get to know each other. why are white people so quick to do that? there are a gazillion of them. i'd always instantly make friends with the white girls in school (and even now, although now, i make more of an effort to be the one to befriend other black women), and almost immediately the black girls would start making jokes and poking fun and calling me 'white girl' for hanging around the white girls. yet, the black girls never initiated any type of friendship. they were always too busy calling me 'bougie' and 'white girl wannabe' and other stupid names. in hindsight, i think they were just jealous.

so whether it was my school days, or now in my 30's, it really hasn't changed much. a clerk in a grocery store, someone walking down the street, people i come into contact with on a daily basis- whites are friendlier to me than the black people. 8 out of 10 times, i'd say. black men are friendlier because well....they're black men. they'll say hi because i'm pretty. that's just a man for you. i've never had issues with a black man being mean to me.

maybe the reasons just boil down to numbers. i know there are white people who are mean and distant and unfriendly. perhaps it's just the law of large numbers. since there are so few black people, and so many white people in portland, maybe it's easier to spot the unfriendly ones, and not so easy to spot the unfriendly white people.